Dreams are a place which makes me forget. It makes me forget that none of this is true. A place where us still exist. There is no you and me.
It’s just us.
I’ve always thought memories help people live and go through a hard time. But then I realized they eat you alive, piece by piece, until you’re completely worn out and you start looking for a way to shut every memory out. Even good memories turn bad and there is nothing left you can lean onto.
I want to believe in love, happiness and trust again. But everyone always manages to prove me that there are no such things left.
I trusted you. We lived through all the lies together and became closer because of them. But happiness couldn’t last. Even for us.
The big bad world stayed but the bubble where everything stayed perfect was gone. ‘’You can’t get hurt if you don’t care.’’ That became my motto. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. Smiling, having fun but not trusting was easy and satisfying at the time. But when you meet new people, you get to know an entire new zone, where you change them and they change you. That was probably the biggest mistake I made. I let myself trust people who managed to break the little pieces I was trying to put back together again. I didn’t realize it until I saw you after all that time. It made me think of the perfect bubble again. I wanted it back, because it was the only place that felt safe at the time.
I started dreaming again. It was easier to imagine a perfect world than to work on making the horrible world a better place. But then I saw your eyes. They didn’t have that special spark anymore. It was all I needed to see that you gave up too. And that was when it hit me. We can’t both give up! There’s always a chance to make things better. And you should know that!
Who knows, maybe we find ourselves in our bubble again someday, just don’t give up yet!
He put the letter down. He felt tears go down his face.
The letter came in mail weeks ago. He could recognize that handwriting anywhere. Small and elegant.
The envelope scared him because he was afraid what he might find inside. That’s why he hesitated with opening it. She acted as it was nothing every time they’d see each other, as if she never sent it.
He wanted to know how was it possible that she knew how he felt. After all this time! She deserved better. He messed everything up once and it broke both of them. He’s not capable of fixing himself, so how on Earth can he help her put everything back together so they can have a shot at being happy again? They should stay as far away from each other as possible, think everything over, fix things that are fixable and then maybe give them a chance again.
It was a Friday evening and he promised some friends he’d go out with them since the exams were over and they had three whole months of vacation ahead of them. But after reading her letter, all happiness and enthusiasm left. He felt empty.
He had a strong feeling he’ll fun into her somewhere. She knows him too well, she’ll know that he read the letter. He had to talk to her even though he didn’t want to and he wasn’t strong enough to confront her alone.
But it had to be done.
He grabbed his phone and found her number. It still made him smile.
No. A call would be too personal. So he texted her instead.
Hi. Got your letter. Wanna talk?
He hesitated with pressing send. ‘’It’s now or never.’’ He said to himself and sent the text. He knew he’ll get a quick response because she was that kind of a person who always had their phone in reach.
Not sure. I’ve said it all already.
Fine. School playground in ten.
He quickly got ready and ran to the spot. He didn’t want her to wait for him.
But unfortunately, she was the one to wait for him, again. ‘’Oh, I’m waiting for you, again. Well that’s a surprise.’’
She was getting sarcastic. That couldn’t be good.
‘’I’m here early. And I’m pretty sure you were here already when you texted me.’’
‘’Yeah, that’s actually true. I’m sorry.’’ She pointed to the empty spot on the bench next to her. He sat down.
‘’There’s still something innocent about you. Something that reminds me of small kids. And that’s a good thing.’’
‘’Why did it take you so long to actually read the letter? I sent it ages ago.’’ She sure knew how to be blunt.
‘’I was scared I guess. I didn’t want to lose you forever.’’
‘’You lost me a long time ago, you know.’’
‘’What happened to the girl who gives everyone a second chance?’’
‘’She’s still here. You’ve just run out of second chances.’’
‘’I changed, you know. I mean, I’m still pretty messed up, but I’ve never forgotten about you in all this time. I’m still not ready to love anyone again. But when I am, I want you to be the person I fall in love with.’’
‘’Oh Kara, don’t be so stubborn. Just give me one last chance, and I give you one as well. It takes who to ruin a relationship. And I’m not the only messed up person here. We can get through this together.’’
She smiled. And the second he saw that exact smile, everything seemed nice again. Everything was worth it again.
‘’Want some ice cream, asshole?’’
He laughed and pulled her off the bench. ‘’Always.’’
There was hope again. Hope that happiness may exist outside their dreams as well.