Blog #27

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Hello there, it’s been almost a month!

How are you, what’s up, what’s new, how are you holding up?

I have to say I’ve had a pretty much amazing month so far. You know the feeling of waking up in the morning and instantly feeling happy? Excited about what the day ahead of you has to offer? Yes, that! (One of the first things I think about when I wake up is also food, so that might contribute to the good mood? Haha)

No but really.

I’ve been seeing more and more pictures of the 100 happy days project all around the social networks. I have checked the whole thing out and it’s great. It’s great if you’re able to see the optimism even in the worst days. It can help you discover the pure awesomeness of life and just being here. BUT. You have to learn to see that even without having to document it each and every day for ONE HUNDRED days in a row. What’ll happen when that ends? You’ll stop thinking about what makes you happy and simply return to the dull life you’ve had before you started the whole thing. There is a high chance that you’ll be miserable because you’ll feel like there’s nothing left to hold on to. You’ll feel like there are only tens, hundreds, thousands of negative things facing you on a daily basis.

PLEASE keep in mind that life is awesome. No matter how negative, stressful and hard it can get. It’s awesome. Because each and every day offers you a chance to be the better version of yourself than you were yesterday. Do you feel like everything you’ve done today has gone wrong?

SO WHAT?! You can’t fix the things that are done already. What you can do is take a deep breath and look ahead. What can you change tomorrow? What can you do in order to see the same situation in a different way the next time it comes along?

It starts here. It starts at the point where you realise you have so many things to be happy about without having to constantly remind yourself about them. It becomes something natural. You’re happy and you don’t even have any idea why. You just are. And people can sense that, because it’s so much easier to be around people who constantly smile, than next to people who can’t get enough of the misery they think they’re in.

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In other news, the weather finally improved itself! I was able to go running for the first time this week. The neighbour’s dog joined me for the whole route and the poor little thing was barely able to keep up! Haha. I also made dinner for the family and I’m super stoked to have a nice, quiet evening in.

I’m super stoked about next Friday! It’s the Friday before the last spring break we get in high school so me and my great class mates are going out for a dinner and out on a party afterwards! Such an awesome way to relax after a stressful month and prepare for a month of hard core studying for finals.

Happy Easter! I wish you a lot of awesome food and good times with the family!

xoxo
P

 

Currently listening: Imagine Dragons
Currently reading:  the Guardian
Currently watching:  /
Quote of the day: 

Blog #26

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Current mood: somewhere between happy/excited/stressed/hyper/tired/eager/scared.

Yes. That makes absolutely no sense at all. Haha.

What’s been going on lately? People have started stressing about finals. The finals at the end of high school that pretty much decide if we’ll get into the university we want or not.

It’s March. The finals are in June.

I have to admit, I did have a few very bad days regarding them this week. Because people have started putting so much stress to them, like there’s only A WEEK left until it all starts and they won’t have enough time to study. So here’s the thing people: THE MORE you stress about it, THE MORE you’ll have to study in order to feel safe about sitting the exams. It’s not like those tests require all those fucking details we mentioned in the last four years. THEY DO NOT.

I’m not in ‘the academic elite’ of our class. And this is the time when I’m actually glad I’m not. Because I realised how much knowledge I still have and I feel proud of myself. After being sofuckingterriblystressed for a few days because of everyone whining about these fucking five exams, I realised this: each and every one of us is still able to master all the basics we have to know there. And you know how do I know this? Because guys, you’re in the fucking final year in one of the hardest schools in the country. You’re getting straight A-s (or maybe B-s or C-s it doesn’t matter). Things we’re doing in regular classes are so much harder, they demand so much more effort. And you still manage to do it!

That’s why I hope you can bare this in mind: there’s still time. There’s time to make up for everything you lost over the years or never managed to learn. Take it easy because stress won’t do you any good. The week of all the exams is going to be stressful enough. Don’t be too hard on yourself for the remaining 68 days (yes, the English exam is in 68 days).

YOU CAN DO IT and YOU WILL DO IT!

*

I’m happy!

I’m happy because the summer is nearing with immense speed.

I’m happy that I run because I want to run, not because I feel obliged to.

I’m happy that I can take my best friend out for a cake not matter how many times a week and not feel bad about it at all.

I’m happy that I have two proms coming up in the next couple of weeks.

I’m happy that I get up every day with a smile on my face and with genuine excitement about what the day is going to bring.

I’m happy that I know so many amazing people.

And I’m fucking stoked to demolish all the obstacles and shove the remains in so many people’s faces!

xoxo
P

Currently listening: One Direction (HAHA)
Currently reading:  And then there were none
Currently watching:  The Fosters
Quote of the day: 

Here. Have some coffee!

And well, this:

Blog #25

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Wow what a month it’s been so far!

So many things are finally moving in the way I want them to and I finally feel like I can achieve something on my own. All those talks of people telling me I can’t do something, that I’m not capable of doing it (either not smart enough or just unable to). It’s going away. Because I managed to prove so much to myself in the last few months.

Restriction, courage, perseverance, forgiveness, letting go, going beyond the limits of the mind and body, going beyond the capabilities you think you have.

It’s tough. But I extended my life and thoughts so much beyond the school life that takes up most of my days. It’s getting stressful. More stressful than ever because I have an exam ahead of me that is going to be so hard to pass. I feel like I know absolutely nothing for the first time in years. But you know what? This one is going to be for all those who either dared to call me stupid or just not good enough in this area. Even if I get a terrible grade. I just have to pass it and it’ll be good enough this time. It’ll be like a FUCK YOU straight to all those motherfuckers who have to put others down in order to feel like they are more capable. (WOOOW so many bad words in one sentence haha).

And that’s the point. Expecting a lot but not too much. Going beyond a limit but not to the breaking point. The further we go, the more we grow. But personal growth without mistakes is IMPOSSIBLE. Really, really impossible.

I’m not the kind of person to regret things I do.

It’s not the carpe diem thing, but I think everything happens for a reason. We’re meant to get hurt in order to learn how we don’t want to be treated. We have to be punished for certain things in order to try harder the next time. We have to fail in order to get up and come back stronger.

But there is one fucking thing I think I’ll probably regret for the rest of my life. Not a day for more than a year has gone by without this rushing through my mind. I screwed up big time and even tried to apologise (several times over the time I think). The thing is nothing can be fixed anymore. That’s the one thing in my life I would do differently if I had the chance to turn back time.

Seems like a pretty good life if that’s all I’d change, huh? Haha.

But really. They say you win some and you lose some. Losing some people just isn’t fucking worth it. Try, try, try and try. Don’t let it slip through your fingers because you can find yourself regretting it for the rest of your life.

*

In other news. HELLO SPRING!

It’s so much easier to get up so early in the morning because you know the days are getting longer, warmer and sunnier!

I started running again! AAAND (wait for it) decided to take up yoga!

Haha even saying that makes me laugh. Me, the girl who’s all about the quick lifestyle, quick sports and basically just being around people so it doesn’t get to quiet decides to start doing yoga.

We’ll see how that goes. Haha.

Have a great weekend everyone. And in the sense of the peaceful yoga: I hope you find your inner peace and time to relax. (and drink coffee in peace. That’s VERY important!)

This blog has gone terribly wrong. Haha. Bye!

P

Currently listening: Blitz Kids
Currently reading:  The murder on the Orient express
Currently watching:  The Fosters
Word of the day: scarcely
Quote of the day: 

 

Interview with Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat

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Here it is.

The interview with Jack and Alex themselves. I worked really hard to get here and it’s nice to see some of the hard work finally started paying off. People keep asking me how I got this interview. You know how? With years of hard work (which was super fun for most of the time!).

I am aware that the quality of the video itself is terrible. I will bare in mind to hire someone to film everything for me and then edit it the next time. I obviously SUCK at it.

I hope you enjoy the interview itself, we had a laugh so I hope it at least makes you smile.

Blog #24

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Hi!

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update of what’s been going on this week.

Yes, this was my winter break week when I was supposed to do loads and loads of school work but ended up doing absolutely nothing.

We get back to school on Monday and I have two super important tests that week but nothing seems to be getting to me to start studying for real. I’ve been flicking through hundreds and hundreds of German words but the amount of the ones I actually memorised is minimal. Haha. I even don’t want to start on English. We had an exam like two weeks ago or something, and have the next one on Friday. Whaaat? And it’ll be based on environment vocabulary and shit like that. This topic makes me want to puke. Seriously. We all know we have to recycle and all that. We’re the generation that’s been bombarded with this since the very beginning so I’m pretty sure everyone’s learned SOMETHING by now. So why keep fussing about it in every single school subject?

Recycle, reduce, reuse, umweltfreundlich, mit Wasser sparen, ločevanje bioloških odpadkov. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Just stop it.

I’m getting to the part everyone’s probably the most excited to read about. Haha. All Time Low, Vienna, 27.2.2014

The interview happened after all. You have no idea how nice everyone was to me. I heard so many rumours how arrogant Alex is supposed to be and how grumpy most of the crew members get. Not true at all! I was interviewing Alex and Jack and they are so down to earth, they keep joking about everything and are gradually just super nice. Their new tour manager Matt is also super nice, not grumpy or anything. He needs to get shit done, of course. But other than that he’s just a normal dude.

The rest of the crew doesn’t have the reputation of the best rock band crew on the planet for nothing. They work, but have so much fun at the same time. I was watching the concert from side stage, where most of the magic happens so that the show can go on without any problems. It’s a completely different world! They joke around, throw guitar picks from one side to the other, dance, sing along the lyrics, but most importantly, they sure as hell know what they’re doing.

Cassadee Pope is the cutest and nicest girl you can ever meet. You can’t even imagine how proudly she kept looking at Rian, and when she went on stage to sing Remembering Sunday, the tables turned. Rian was just standing still, with that look: I’m so proud of you and I just love you so much. They are the cutest couple ever! (I even heard Cass talking to Zack about how much she likes to do pilates! Haha)

I’m hoping to post the interview soonish. But I just uploaded it to my computer (finally, yes) and the quality is horrible! The interview itself went great and even though it’s not my best work, I’m proud of myself that I even managed to get it. I never froze like I was scared I would and I feel like it was the start of everything. On the other hand, the technical view of the video is terrible. I’m scared to upload it just because all people are going to be looking at is how terrible it’s filmed and not what us three are actually saying in it. So yes, it has a very bittersweet taste at the moment. We’ll see what happens.

Cheers!

P

P.S.: Today marks the first day of meteorological spring!

Currently listening: Blitz Kids
Currently reading:  Hamlet (or at least that’s what I should be doing)
Currently watching:  The spectacular now
Word of the day: chanting
Photo of the day: 

all time low, 27.2

Blog #23

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To je to.

Šest mesecev planiranja, preračunavanja, razmišljanja o tem, kako bo prav, prerekanja zaradi različnih interesov, na drugi strani pa povezovanja med seboj na nivoju, na katerem se nekateri niso povezali v štirih letih.

Šest mesecev za tistih pičlih šest ur.

Ampak še kako vrednih je bilo tistih šest mesecev! In skepticizma še par ur pred maturantskim plesom. Prav spomnim se, da sem (ne vem pa komu) rekla, da nisem več prepričana, kako bo vse skupaj uspelo, ker smo vsi samo tekali naokrog, brez da bi dejansko kdo vedel, kaj mora biti pred prihodom gostov še narejeno. Na koncu smo pa seveda, ajevci takšni kot pač smo, za vse pripravili en odličen večer, zase pa nepozaben maturantski ples.

Vse je klikalo na pravih mestih in gledanje nasmejanih obrazov od maturantov, staršev, profesorjev, voditelja in vseh ostalih je bilo neprecenljivo.

Hvala torej najboljšim sošolcem, soplesalcu (ki je pristal na plesanje z mano, kljub temu, da je bila sprememba last minute), družini, Radotu, Jerneju in Janiju ter vsem ostalim! (:

(Še instagram hashtagi so ratali!!)

Zdaj pa veselo naprej. Že v sredo grem v Ljubljano, v četrtek pod novinarskim okriljem na Dunaj poslušat All Time Low. Vse se končno poklapa tako, kot se bi moralo.

Del o količini šolskega dela, ki me čaka čez počitnice bom raje zamolčala, ker se tokrat s tem ne mislim ukvarjat. Pasivno že, aktivno pa definitivno ne. Tokrat bodo to zaslužene počitnice.

Dejstvo o maturi leži nekje v ozadju, ampak glede na to, kakšnih nekaj mesecev nas vse skupaj čaka, vam priporočam, da si oddahnete. For the sake of yourself! Polaganje pritiska nase v takšni meri, kot se to dogaja med najhujšim testnim obdobjem vam ne bo pomagalo absolutno nikakor. Kvečjemu le pri tem, da bodo vaše baterije po počitnicah le še bolj prazne, od česar pa bo šlo z začetkom stresa le še navzdol. Naredite nekaj zase. Samo zase. Pazite na predšolske otroke, če vas veselijo njihova nenehna ‘zakaj’ vprašanja; pojdite na sprehod in občudujte zgodnje spomladansko vreme; pojdite na kavo/čaj/pivo z nekom, ki vam veliko pomeni, ali z nekom, ki si ga resnično želite videti; zavrtite si tisto pesem, ki vam je tako zelo dobra, pa vas je tega sram priznati pred družbo, ker je izvajalec tako zelo spran/mainstream/grozen.

Če boste ves čas gledali le na druge, boste izgubili tisti del sebe, ki vas dela drugačne. Del, na katerega bi morali biti NAJBOLJ ponosni. Čeprav vas dela čudne. Čudnost zna biti še kako dobrodošla in predvsem pozitivna. Cenite se in uživajte ta en teden! Tisti, ki pa žal te enotedenske pavze ne dobite, pa poskušajte najti vsaj nekaj časa za zgoraj našteto, ker je še kako pomembno, tudi če se tega morda ne zavedate!

 

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: All time low
Trenutno berem: Angels and demons
Trenutno gledam: še zadnje dele zimskih olimpijskih iger
Citat dneva:

Don’t tell me that I can’t, cause you never did.

Foto dneva:

Downloads2

Blog #22

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Evo. Končno spet novi post.

Ogromno se dogaja, večina stvari se odvija v pravo smer.

Vesela sem.

Vesela sem, ker sem danes oddala prijavo na fakulteto. Čeprav vem, da bo za to, da bom dejansko sprejeta potrebnega še ogromno dela. Ampak sprejela sem odločitev, odgovornost katere bom pozneje prevzela nase. In to je to pri izbiri študija. Odgovornost. Odgovornost za to, če se boš odločil prav, ali ne. Kaj se bo zgodilo, če boš na polovici študija ugotovil, da si storil največjo napako v svojem življenju. Težko je, če si navajen, da imaš vedno vse v piko splanirano in se tega plana striktno držiš. Noben študij ni popoln. Tako kot ni niti popolnega poklica. To, kar imaš rad moraš sprejeti skupaj z vsemi pomanjkljivostmi in ovirami, ki se pojavijo na poti.

Odgovornost folk. To je to. Ne uno, ”nimam pojma, kaj bi rad”.

V petek je maturantski ples! Končno. Po vseh prepirih, delanju na zadnji rok, stresu pri iskanju popolne obleke in vsega ostalega, s čimer se dekleta pri tem ukvarjamo, bo sestavljanka končno popolna in bo prinesla tisto noč, na katero čakamo že celo šolsko leto. Komaj čakam na vse. Od odlične hrane, plesanja celo noč (uradnega in neuradnega seveda!), fotkanja, druženja s sošolci (upam, da vse skupaj na koncu ne izpade preveč sentimentalno. This is not the end!) in tega, da bomo družinam pokazali kaj smo sposobni ustvariti sami. Da nismo samo gimnazijci, ki niso sposobni ničesar drugega, kot guljenja šolskih klopi (če smo iskreni, je to stvar, ki jo še najtežje opravljamo).

Kot sem omenila že v prejšnjem blogu, letos maske padajo hitreje kot prejšnja leta. Zato je povsem enostavno najti ljudi, ki so vredni časa in za seboj pustiti tiste, ki so sposobni laganja v obraz, ker ne morejo ugotoviti, da poznaš celotno resnico.

Naslednji teden grem po dolgem času spet na Dunaj. Pogrešam že to čarobno avstrijsko mesto, ki me vedno znova očara s čudovitostjo starega mestnega jedra in prijaznostjo svojih prebivalcev. Koncerti so v tem trenutku ena stvar, ki mi resnično manjka. Tisti dve uri, ko obstaja samo sedaj. Ko ni sekiranja za to, kaj se je zgodilo včeraj, pred enim tednom, mesecem, letom. In ni razmišljanja o opravkih, ki te čakajo naslednji dan. Je samo glasba, uživanje in ljudje, za katere vidiš, da v tistem trenutku ne bi bili raje nikjer drugje, kot tam, kjer so.  Vedno ko imam kakšen kvaliteten pogovor o res dobri glasbi, se zavem, kako močno mi manjka tisti najlepši del vsega tega. Dan, ko se zjutraj zbudiš in se sploh ne zavedaš, kako nora izkušnja te čaka. Ko hitiš, da ujameš vse vlake/buse, da do tam prideš. Čakanje v takšni gužvi, ki si jo lahko zamislijo samo redni obiskovalci koncertov v mrazu ali vročini. Tveganje, da te pohodijo, udarijo. Ampak štiri, pet ur stanja pred dvorano mine hitreje kot tretjina šolske ure matematike.

Če vse o čemer je trenutno govora v povezavi z naslednjim tednom uspe, ne bo to popoln zaključek uspešnega meseca na osebnem področju, temveč tudi ogromen korak v želeno karierno smer. Več o tem pa naslednjič. (:

Imejte se radi!

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: We are the in crowd
Trenutno berem: psihologijapsihologijapsihologija
Trenutno gledam: Straight to DVD
Citat dneva:

You’re a hard act to follow
So I stare down this empty bottle
But there’s no message at the bottom

Blog #21

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Ob vsem premetavanju številk zaradi (še vedno nesmiselnega) učenja matematike tekom tega vikenda (in poslušanja o nemogočih vremenskih razmerah ter opazovanju le-teh skozi  okno), se mi je zahotelo po normalnem druženju z glasbo in premetavanjem črk.

Itak, gimnazijci jutri ne bomo doma. Ker je ostajanje nad slovenskim povprečjem močno bolj pomembno od tega, če bodo jutri lahko vsi prišli v šolo, ali če bo čez noč neštetokrat vrglo ven elektriko in bomo jutri uživali v (prijetnem) mrazu, med že tako ali tako hladnimi gimnazijskimi zidovi (pa ne govorim samo o temperaturah).

Vesela sem, da je vreme bolj kot ne zdržalo vsaj še petek. H V A L A vsem, ki ste si rezervirali petkov večer in zažurali za najino osemnajstko. Čeprav je bilo praznovanje za eno skoraj dva meseca prepozno, za drugo pa prezgodaj, se je vse izteklo tako, da se boljše skoraj ne bi moglo.

Hvala vam za buteljko najljubšega vina, za vse rezervirane komade, plese, smehe, fotke, objeme, predstavljene nove ljudi, lepe želje…!

Hvala predvsem vsem najljubšim sošolcem, brez vas ta petek nikakor ne bi bil tako fenomenalen!

*

Všeč mi je smer, v katero se razvija leto 2014. Maske so začele padati bolj zgodaj, kot je to v navadi. Drastične spremembe se dogajajo s takšno hitrostjo, da poti nazaj ne bo nikoli več. Saj veste, kako pravijo: You win some, you lose some. Včasih so te spremembe naravnane v tako negativno smer, da jih nikakor ne moreš sprejeti. Čeprav se trudiš. Just for the sake of it. For the sake of everything. Ampak enostavno ne gre. Ker veš, da je v nasprotju s tvojimi načeli, in morda celo v nasprotju z načeli drugega. Vsak išče izhod iz črne luknje na svoj način. Nekateri ga najdejo v tem, da se zakopljejo še globlje.

Pogosto mi kdo reče, da se preveč sekiram. Za vse. Sekiranje je eden izmed indikatorjev, da mi za nekaj ni vseeno. Velikokrat si želim, da se ne bi niti približno toliko sekirala, za ljudi (in stvari), ki tega niso vredni (vredne). Toda tako je. Sekiranje je del mene, ker mi dejansko ni vseeno za večino vsega, kar me obdaja.

Zato je toliko hujše, ko enkrat dosežem fazo, kjer mi je POPOLNOMA vseeno zato, kaj se zgodi. Takrat več ni poti nazaj. Najhujši del vsega je, ko se do zgodi pri odnosih in se potem na tisoč in en način trudim, da bi osebo sprejela nazaj. Toda ne gre. Če skrb za dober odnos predolgo prihaja iz samo ene strani, je to inevitable. Dobesedno.

Letos mi gre boljše pri tem, da stvari, ki niso vredne ničesar, lažje pustim mimo. Najbrž gre zahvala predvsem temu, da so ljudje nehali delati p*zdarije pod krinko.

Upam, da vas čim prej odmrzne! (:

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: You me at six
Trenutno berem: Kralj na Betajnovi
Trenutno gledam:
Citat dneva: 

Blog #20

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Here’s to the rest of us.

A quick update of everything that’s been going on:

I got my driver’s license last week.

I’m getting more and more excited for prom, because it’s going to be AWESOME.

The people you have the best opinion about are usually the ones to come and disappoint you the most.

It’s really hard to keep quiet when you know someone’s lying straight to your face.

Winter sucks and I want summer (alongside with shorts, t-shirts, dresses and converse shoes!) back.

I stopped drinking coffee! Tomorrow is the two week mark without it!

I still haven’t watched Wolf of Wall street. Not even sure I want to, since it’s SO FUCKING LONG.

I’m seeing All Time Low and my favourite people so soon! Who’s coming to Vienna on the 27th? (:

 

But yes.

Here’s to the rest of us who still believe it’s better to be honest (no matter how much it hurts) than to keep lying.

Here’s to the rest of us who still think enjoying junk food is a pure pleasure.

Here’s to the rest of us who believe there’s so much more to life than just thinking inside the box and striving for one and one thing only.

Here’s to the rest of us who still believe smile is the best cure.

Here’s to the rest of us who think that calling something ‘experience’ is just a camouflage for MISTAKES.

 

Please remember to appreciate the ones close to you, even when you’d want them to just piss off. They are the driving force behind everything.

Cheers!

Currently listening: You me at six
Currently reading:  Diamond as big as the Ritz
Currently watching: Pretty little liars
Word of the day: intriguing
Quote of the day: 

Blog #19

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Another year, another month, another week, another day.

Does it ever really change? Do we ever really learn how to embrace change and see it as something positive?

It’s always the same. Something different crosses our routine-like path and we instantly think: no, stop. That’s not alright.

Because it FORCES us to get out of our comfort zones. Who doesn’t like to get up in the morning and know exactly what their day is going to be like? It’s boring as hell, but the thought of something permanent is so welcoming. And that’s why we’re always so scared of everything new. Nobody’s open-minded anymore. That’s the biggest problem of today’s society. We’re so stuck up in this world where being socially successful and the best in your work field is an absolute must, that we’re never ready to put ourselves in front of others anymore.

When was the last time when you went out for a walk, just because you wanted to? Not because you read somewhere that you have to, or because you felt like you just need to lose weight? Or when was the last time when you sat down and read a good book FOR YOURSELF? Not for school, work or anything else.

We keep forgetting that we live OUR lives for OURSELVES. Not for others. Because in the end, that’s the only person you can fully rely on without having any second thoughts. Instead of trusting ourselves, we keep looking for mistakes that don’t exist and look for terrible excuses when something doesn’t go our way. WHY? Why not accept that our personality is the way it is? Or change something if we really don’t like it? (Change it because of ourselves only, of course).

Because the society keeps showing us this ‘ideal’ picture of everything. Perfect body, boyfriend, profession, friends etc. I’m telling you, it’s not worth it. You’ll realise it sooner or later. You can’t love anyone fully until you love yourself the way you are. The whole world can fully believe in you, but until you’re able to do that yourself, nothing is going to change.

 

*

Enough with the moral shit.

It’s supposed to start snowing on Friday. Nope, I’m not happy with that AT ALL. It’s going to get cold again and I just got used to the fact that mornings are as warm as in spring. It does suck that we had a green Christmas (again), but other than that, I just want the HOT summer back.

30 days left until prom (I got the perfect dress for it!)

36 days left until the All Time Low concert.

94 days until the start of spring break.

104 days until the first final exam.

Here’s reality striking to how quickly this year is going to go by. Make each and every day count. You never know what’s going to happen and push you out of the little box you created for yourself.

 

xoxo
P

Currently listening: The Maine
Currently reading:  Hamlet
Currently watching: Despicable me
Word of the day: inept
Quote of the day: 

Blog #18

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To je to. Leto je šlo še enkrat naokoli, spet smo pri raznoraznih spraševanjih o tem, če je bilo dobro ali ne.

Prej kot rečete, da ste imeli slabo leto, se poskušajte spomniti vseh dobrih trenutkov. Čeprav se vam zdi, da morda neuspehi vedno pretehtajo nad tistimi čudovitimi trenutki uspeha, zadovoljstva, prijateljstva, ljubezni, mi verjemite, da temu ni tako. Nikoli ne bo šlo vse tako, kot si boste zamislili. Ker tako enostavno ne gre. Od vas pa je odvisno kako boste na to gledali; lahko se smilite sami sebi in ste prepričani, da se vam slabe stvari vrstijo druga za drugo. Lahko pa dvignete glavo in poskušate v sebi držati še zadnjo kapljico optimizma, ki vas bo (čeprav temu morda trenutno težko verjamete) potegnila nazaj na vrh, s pomočjo katere boste v spomin spet lahko priklicali vse dobro.

Vem, da ni enostavno. Vem, da včasih pesimizem in slaba volja enostavno prevzameta vse. Tudi sama sem se letos za predolgo obdobje znašla v tem. Ampak a ni potem fenomenalen občutek, ko najdeš nekaj (lahko je dober komad, knjiga, oseba, ki jo v tistem trenutku potrebuješ), ki te dvigne nazaj gor in iz situacije odkorakaš bogatejši za eno izkušnjo? Ne pravijo zaman, da se iz lastnih napak naučimo največ.

Ob koncu leta, ki v sebi nosi tudi tisto nesramno številko 13, vam želim, da sami sebe začnete cenit. Iz tu izvira čisto vse. Dokler sami sebi ne verjamete, da zmorete, ne bo pomagalo niti to, če bo v vas verjel cel svet. Dokler ne boste zadovoljni sami s seboj, ne boste zadovoljni niti z ničemer okrog vas.

Se vam zdi, da tega ne morete spremeniti? BULLSHIT. Seveda lahko. Spremembe so grozne. Ampak lažje je preživeti dva meseca v bedi, ko čutite ogromno praznino, ker ste nekaj morali pustiti za seboj, kot pa to, da še mesec/leto preživite v enaki situaciji.

Hvala, da ste tekom leta spremljali moj blog, moje vzpone in padce (obojih je bilo veliko). Hvala vsem za vse. Tudi tistim, ki ste me večkrat zapored razočarali. Naučili ste me ogromno stvari.

Ste bili letos dovolj pridni, da je bil Božiček radodaren? Zapomnite si, da se najboljših stvari v življenju ne da kupiti. (Ja, to prihaja od mene, ki si vedno znova želim karte za koncerte. Denar kupi karto, ne more pa kupiti občutkov, ki jih doživljaš ob poslušanju glasbe v živo in ljudi, ki jih tam spoznaš.)

Nisem uspela izpolniti obljube iz začetka leta, da bom v letu 2013 prebrala vsaj 50 knjig. Trenutno sem na 33. v tem letu (nekatere iz seznama sem prebrala tudi dvakrat). Upala sem, da mi bo uspelo prebrati tudi prvenec Uroša Topića, vendar bodo počitnice prekratke in preveč napolnjene z dogajanjem.

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8920 knjižnih strani, več tisoč predvajanih komadov, več deset neprespanih noči in več sto norih fotografij kasneje vam želim najlepše praznike, odlično zažurano Silvestrovo in najboljši začetek novega leta 2014.

slike za blog

Pa čim manj sekiranja, čim več uspehov, lepih trenutkov, odlične kave in iskrenih nasmehov. Se beremo spet naslednje leto!

 

 

Blog #17

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Here it is. Finally.

December is flying by. It just started like yesterday, but there is like less than two weeks of school left. My mind keeps wandering off to the holiday spirit even though I’m doing my best to try and keep it focused for one more week, just to get through the last three exams of the year.

I’m looking forward to eat some awesome food during the holidays, gain some weight because of it and not even caring (food is a part of the Christmas spirit. What’s the point of everything if you’re trying to restrain yourself from eating?!).

BUT. I plan on taking up boxing again in January. I keep realising over and over again how much I actually miss it. It’s one of those sports that are able to make you sane again, even though you feel like you’re actually going insane. It’s awesome when you’re in a good mood because that’s the time when you really work it like you’re supposed to. It gets even better when you’re frustrated because you’re able to put it all out and do something good for yourself at the same time. And for those who still believe girls can’t box: you are soooooo wrong!

BTW!
I have tickets to see All Time Low in February!!!! That’s going to be an awesome start of 2014. February in general is supposed to be awesome. There is still a chance I might go see One Republic (anyone wants to come?!), prom, winter break and All Time Low of course. Yay!

I’ve been waiting to see those four douchebags for more than 5 years and now it’s finally happening. But here I am, back to the music talk. Haha. It’s going to be awesome. You have no idea how much you’re missing out if you’re still convinced that:

  • You’re simply not the concert type of a person
  • Everything that’s not mainstream sucks
  • People with different music taste are weird
  • (I could go on, but I’ll just stop here)

Anyway, thank you all again for the amazing birthday wishes and gifts, the hugs, kisses and endless smiles!

Make the most out of those last days of the year. Make the amends you always thought can’t be made, meet new people, get excited, eat a lot, wrap presents, drink mulled wine, tell friends and family you love them, let go of all the negativity (you’ll have plenty of time to deal with that in January), watch Home Alone and just enjoy the holiday spirit in general.

I hope you don’t regret a lot of this year’s actions, but even if you do, there is still time to fix everything and just let go for some time. Remember: We’re holding on to the pain because it’s all we have left.
You DO have a choice to choose a positive path, you DO deserve to be treated nicely, you DO matter and so do your feelings.

Happy holidays!

xoxo
P

Currently listening: the compilation CD I got for my birthday (:
Currently reading: Der kleine Prinz
Currently watching: Victoria’s secret fashion show 2013
Word of the day: phoenix
Quote of the day: 

Blog #16

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Well hello there.

I couldn’t be more grateful about this week coming to its end.

This was probably the first time ever that I avoided PCD. Why? Because I didn’t even have the time to think about anything! Studying, studying and even more fucking studying. I did manage to get through everything and I’m feeling great simply because everything’s done.

I even did my first ever modelling yesterday. There was this charity fashion show at our school and I let them convince me to wear one prom dress. I was very sceptical about everything when the whole thing started. But as the beginning of the whole thing was getting closer and closer, everything clicked and I have to admit that the whole thing looked awesome! Thumbs up to everyone who worked on this thing for months, to everyone for being super nice to us and for the great company of all the models, organisers and the bands.

I managed not to embarrass myself and to get a new experience out of the whole thing.

What else? Yes. I still laugh when I think about the conversation with Zac and Jonathan back in Vienna last week. We were discussing countries and all that, and Zac is like: what?! Sweden is so small!

It’s always funny when people say they come from a small country and us Slovenians are like: errrrrrrr..yeah, we live in Slovenia.

(That’s where the conversation usually ends because nobody even ends up knowing where the hell Slovenia is. Haha)

ALL TIME LOW ARE COMING BACK TO EUROPE! Fucking finally. February suddenly seems so far away. And I want to see One Republic and You me at six when they tour Europe. Santa, please be nice to me this year and get me concert tickets.

Plus my birthday is in ten days. 18. I can’t believe how quickly this year went by. Seriously. So much has happened, so much has changed. I met so many amazing new people, learned quite a few lessons from my own mistakes, seen some great bands live, went to a few quite awesome parties.

Bring it on December, I’m ready to finish this year in style.

One more thing. Don’t worry too much. My wish for all of you is that you’ll be able to learn which things are worth it and which simply aren’t. Trust me, the ones you’re worrying about THE MOST, aren’t worth it at all. If something stresses you too much, simply move on and find something that’s less stressful. The things you’re not able to get away from? They are just one part of your lives. Don’t let them take over everything. You’ll lose so much if you do that. I wish I had realised that earlier. I really do.

xoxo
P

Currently listening: Like Torches
Currently reading: Ti povem še eno zgodbo?
Currently watching: Friday the 13th
Word of the day: gregarious, assertive, dim, curt, brusque, half-witted. (FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.)
Quote of the day: (basically the whole lyrics to this song) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dNNkCmfV_M

HAHA. I came across this one again. SNAP.

Blog #15

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This weekend was intense. Like really, really intense.

I got up at seven on Saturday morning in order to go shopping/out for a dessert to Ljubljana. We had a great time. The trip involved a lot of singing in the car, trying out silly dresses, cursing over the weather (rain+heavy wind= me breaking the umbrella. Of course.) and just generally having an awesome time.

I got up at seven on Sunday as well.

VIENNA BABY. I wasn’t even getting the feeling Warped was really happening, until I was there, picking up my (first international) press ticket. Where do I even start?

Me, Hana, Sara and Nina kind of stuck together the whole day. We went in and since we had some time to kill before the first band we wanted to see, we decided to check out the merch tents. We were just randomly walking around and two members of The Maine were hanging out at their tent. These two people (and their merch guy, WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME BTW) are incredibly kind and down to Earth.

John actually said Slovenia looks like a fairytale. Like I said, dream place for tourists.

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The next thing we did was the TWLOHA (To write love on her arms) tent. Jason and Eva are the biggest sweethearts.

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I’ve always wanted to do the whole ‘Fears Vs Dreams’ thing. Now that I actually had done it, I suddenly felt really exposed. Everyone wanted to see what I’d written on that white board. But it felt okay. Because I was surrounded with such nice people, even the biggest fear didn’t seem as scary anymore.

But here they are. My fears and dreams, exposed to the whole wide world. Haha.

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Yellowcard signing was happening next. The feeling of Sean and Ryan M recognising me, even though it was more than a year since I last saw them, really can’t  be described. Josh figured out who I was later on, which was super awesome as well. Haha.

I’ll never forget the moment when Ryan was casually talking to me, when he was supposed to be taking pictures with other fans.
Me: errrr, I think you’re supposed to be over there.
R: Oh.


Their manager pulled them away quite soon. We thought they left already when I felt someone hold my elbow. It was Mr Mackin who wanted a hug (once you hug this guy, you’d just want to keep doing it, because his hugs are the best). And then when I thought he left again, he was like: ‘’Hey, I’m going to see Like Torches. Wanna come with me?’’

He pulled me with him so I kind of didn’t even have a choice. Haha. (BUT don’t get me wrong here. This was one of the sweetest moments of the day. I had a plan to see them anyway but this made everything even better.)

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I look HORRIBLE here. But I don’t even care.
This was taken during Like Torches’ show.

I’m really glad I got to meet Yellowcard again and that they were so awesome.

(AND OH. Journalism striking in. YC will not be touring Europe in 2014 at all.)

P.S.: Sorry my favourite Scandinavians, I honestly don’t have a good shot of you guys on stage. :(

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Seriously, you can’t understand what I’m trying to describe you until you actually go to such a show and get the vibe that everyone has. Everyone is there for the same thing as you are. To have fun, to meet new people and enjoy good music. Things just click. Simple as that.

We also met Like Torches afterwards! They are my favourite Scandinavians. No doubt of that. We hung out with them for quite a while, because they were so nice to everyone we just didn’t want to get away. Haha.

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He doesn’t look too happy though.

Thennnnn.

Yes. THE MAINEEEEEEE. I was so lucky I got front row for their show. They were perfect. No more words needed.

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”If you don’t like something. THEN FUCKING CHANGE IT!”

But then this happened. That’s me and their merch guy. The girls wanted to take the picture so it would look like we’re talking about something really major. (My feet really hurt and I asked if he’d mind if I took a seat haha).

We were an hour early for the YC show. We were all second row and the feeling of the guys realising we managed to get to the front, once again, can’t be described. A lot of smiles and eye contact. Their set was too short if you ask me.

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Crappy shots. Again.

I think I spent like an hour with Jason and Eva. Stopped to say hi to Henri before that and then just had random talks with those two. We discussed everything from how hard German is to learn, to school systems in Slovenia, Austria and the USA.

Jason actually said he might come to Slovenia (aka Slovakia (inside joke. Sorry.)) next summer. I think I’d make a perfect tourist guide. Haha.

Oh, almost forgot this one. Josh came to say hi after the gig.

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Everyone seemed to love the studs on my T-shirt. It is pretty badass. Not pleasant when a crowdsurfer lands straight onto them though. Haha.

I skipped a lot of things. But I’ll just stop here.

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I can’t imagine better people to share those memories with. Things always click so perfectly when it comes to the music part of my life. Maybe the fact that most of my friend don’t listen to such music is for the best. I get to meet the best people thanks to going everywhere alone.

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How today looked? Pretty much like this.

PCD and too much work to do.

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From Dawn To Fall: Music is too diverse and multifaceted to concentrate on a genre only.

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To finish with the Vans Warped Tour honouring interviews, I’m leaving you guys with this one, so you can get to know a pretty awesome band From Dawn To Fall. We talked about inspiration, writing blocks, touring and of course the boring part about the band biography.

Can we start with the most boring question ever? Can you tell me something more about the band? Who are your biggest influences, what genre of music do you actually play etc.?

We are a 5-piece rock band from beautiful Vienna, Austria. We have been playing together for almost 7 years and never changed our line-up. We just love to make music and to be on the road together. From the very beginning of the band we knew that we won´t stick to any genres or musical styles, which is also manifested in our band name FROM DAWN TO FALL. Music is too diverse and multifaceted to concentrate on a genre only. We always try to constantly develop ourselves as persons, musicians and also as a band, which is another reason why we vary our musical style from record to record.

But being on the road together is probably the most beautiful thing for us. Playing different countries, cities, venues and meeting all of you guys who share the same love for music as we do, is just more than we could ever ask for. This keeps us together as a band, as a family. We are very thankful for that.

What are the favourite songs on your iPods right now and why?

Currently one of our favourite songs is “Listen For The Rain” from a British band called “In Colour”. It´s the band of our producer Dan Weller, and we just love their unique melancholy musical style. Further, we are also listening a lot to the latest records of Young Guns, The Neighbourhood, Biffy Clyro or Paramore.

If you could choose one band or artist to share the stage with, who would it be and why?

Actually there isn´t this one single artist we wish to share the stage with. We just love to play shows and tour together with other bands. On tour bands usually grow together as a big family and that is probably the best feeling you can have. If we had to choose one single artist it might be Thrice, one of our biggest idols.

Is there any new music in the making? If yes, when will we be able to hear anything new, if not, are there any studio plans being made already or where in the process of making the new album are you?

YES! We just finished the production for our upcoming long player, which will be released early 2014. We almost spent the whole summer in the studio, both in Vienna and also at the Red Bull studios in Copenhagen. It is always good to work in different places to get rid of distraction and daily life routines. On this record we worked together with the amazing (Sir) Dan Weller and his fellow Tim Morris, which was one of the best experiences we ever had. From the very beginning we all shared the same vision and passion for this record and we knew that something special will be the result. We never felt that comfortable before and we can´t wait to get the release started early next year!

The most funny/embarrassing moment on stage?

We once played an outdoors “guerrilla show” during a students snowboard camp directly in the Austrian Alps. We were standing in the snow at minus 15 degrees and we almost couldn’t move our fingers anymore. In the beginning it felt kind of strange and bad, but in the end it was one of the best shows we ever had.

Who in the band is the most likely to pull pranks on others and who is the one that gets pranked most of the time? Can you also tell me something about a specifically funny prank?

Actually, we are not too bad when it comes to pranks (at least that´s what we say in the interviews). We are really close as a band and most of the time we are just making fun of each other.

Some artists get writing inspiration in extremely happy moments, others can only write when extremely devastated. In which group would you place yourself and how do you deal with writer’s blocks?

We use both happy and melancholic moments when writing songs, whereas we actually prefer to work in a good, enthusiastic mood (even when writing melancholic songs). When we have the feeling of having no progress in our song writing, we usually break out of the daily life and shut ourselves in a small hut in the Austrian mountains. That always works.

You’re playing Vans Warped Tour Vienna this weekend. Do you think it will be at least half as good as the American version or even better? Are you excited to play such a well known festival? 

We´re definitely looking forward to play the Vans Warped Tour! When you start a band you always dream of playing shows like that and we are so thankful for having this opportunity. For sure, the European Warped Tour will be different to the original, which doesn´t mean that it will be better or worse. It´s just that the European music market is so different from the US. But we are really happy that the tour is coming back to Europe, as it massively supports the rock scene!

Anything you would like to add?

We haven´t been to Slovenia for a while and we really hope to come back with the new record next year! Thank you very much for the Interview.

Blog #14

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Bedno vreme, pomanjkanje nujno potrebne motivacije za učenje, tu pa tam trenutek slabe volje, ampak še vedno je dober dan! Sploh ne vem, kako je to mogoče. Morda zaradi (rahlega) navdušenja za Ljubljano in Dunaj, morda zaradi resignacije, morda pa je to samo eden tistih trenutkov, ko si dobre volje brez kakršnegakoli tehtnega razloga. In takšni trenutki so najboljši!

Jutri nekako odpišemo še to nemščino (spet), potem pa samo še pričakovanje vikenda. Če bo vse po sreči bo sobota namenjena lutanju po Ljubljani s puncami. Nebotičnik! In šoping seveda. Brez tega pač ne gre.

V nedeljo pa končno na Dunaj! Komaj čakam, da po dolgem času spet vse vidim. Pa ne govorim samo o bendih. Ampak o tistih ljudeh, s katerimi si lahko noro povezan, čeprav se vidiš samo nekajkrat na leto, pa še to na koncertih. To so tisti ljudje, ki imajo enako mero navdušenja za tiste stvari, ki se vsem mojim ostalim prijateljem zdijo čudne, smešne, ali pa jih enostavno ne razumejo.

V Ljubljani imam za zabit še soboto zvečer in večino ponedeljka, ki si ga bom vzela kar frej. Če ima kdo čas za kavo (ali dve), let me know!

Drugače pa, zadnje čase pogosto obujamo spomine na dogodke iz leta 2013 in se pri tem vedno dodobra nasmejemo. What a year it was! Noro. Res noro.

”Ej se spomneš, ko smo šli ob pol dveh zjutraj v McDonalds?” ”Kaj?! Kdaj?! To pa zihr nismo šli.”

”Kdo mi je že reku, da je moja masaža pregroba?!” *po petih minutah* ”Ajaaaa. Sej res!!”

”Al pa uno, ko smo se celo pot drli, pol po unem delu smo morali bit pa tiho.”

”Tukej odzad maš eno gumico.”

”Kaj delaš v službi?”

Ali pa na težji način naučeno dejstvo, da tudi najboljšim prijateljem za svoje dobro ne spreminjaš ozadja na računalniku.

Ah ja. Tisoč in ena interna fora. Sam to, ne preveč razmišljat o negativnih stvareh. Stres in dogodki, ki se ne bodo odvili po naših načrtih bodo prisotni celo življenje. Kako jih bomo interpretirali in kaj se bomo iz tega naučili pa je odvisno od nas samih. Hold on to the good things.

Ratalo mi je! Še en totalno optimističen blog!

Bodite v cvetju.

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: Flogging Molly
Trenutno berem: The Catcher in the Rye (spet)
Trenutno gledam: The vampire diaries
Citat dneva: 

Arrogant boy,
Love yourself so no one has to.
They’re better off without you.
Arrogant boy,
Cause a scene like you’re supposed to.
They’ll fall asleep without you.
You’re lucky if your memory remains.

Yellowcard: Our fans are the best. We are so far from home but we are welcomed as friends.

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This time, I had the pleasure to talk to Yellowcard’s Sean Mackin, who gave me an inside look on the band’s hiatus, Ocean Avenue acoustic tour, pranking All Time Low, which band member would make the best girl and some first associations.

You faced quite a few issues in the history of Yellowcard, including a hiatus. How did it come to that and how did you decide to keep on making music together afterwards? What was the hardest part of it all?

Regarding the hiatus we took from Yellowcard, there were just too many factors that we could not control that had an impact on our career and life. The crash of the music industry and economy, and at the time we had toured hard for 9 years straight. We thought we should take a step back before we started hating music and each other and it worked. 2 years later we returned invigorated and inspired with enough songs for a full length release. I think the hardest part was not to be mad at Yellowcard, the entity. I love music. It is a major part of my life. I’ve played violin 90% of my life and I love my job. But when I didn’t have music in my life everyday it was sad and really hard not to be upset about it. But now it’s over and we’re touring again and playing some of the best shows of our lives.

You once revealed the strange jobs you worked when on hiatus. How did it feel not to be a part of the musical world the way you used to be for all these years?

It was nice, in a way. I missed Yellowcard, of course, but I got married, got to live a “normal” life. Pick up groceries, cook dinner. Hang out with friends and have birthday parties. Things you miss when you’re touring all year long.

Are you in the process of making a new record despite having released ‘Ocean Avenue acoustic’ in August? Can you give me any details on that?

In Yellowcard-land, I think we are always working on new material. I am so lucky to share the stage with talented musicians. I know they have some tricks up their sleeves. Most of those tricks will be on our next record, whenever that is.

Speaking of ‘Ocean Avenue acoustic’, is this tour, which is coming to its end, treating you? What is the hardest part of doing an acoustic tour?

This has been one of the best tours Yellowcard has ever done. Our fans are amazing, and supporting us more now than ever before. I think the hardest part is physically playing 2 hours a night. It’s so hard on our voices. This is the most Yellowcard songs we have ever played.

So, Vans warped tour Europe. You’re one of the bands that get to play all dates. Are you excited and are your expectations set up high due to prior participation on the US Warped?

We love The Vans warped tour. For Yellowcard, the warped tour was the top for us. We didn’t think we would be a world famous band, we just wanted to tour with the vwt. And now we have played it 6 times in the USA and now bringing it to Europe and the UK. Expectations will be shattered. This is gonna be awesome.

Favourite Warped tour memory?

In 2002 we played half of the warped tour. Our fan base was growing so quickly and it was such a turning point for Yellowcard. And one day we look side stage and see tony sly and matt riddle watching us! And that led to us supporting no use for a name on their headlining tour in the fall. Such an amazing moment for us.

What do you love about Europe and European fans the most?

I love how different every country is. So much history and culture just across every border. And Yellowcard fans are the best. We are so far from home but we are welcomed as friends. My life is so cool.

 

 

Let’s move to a bit more fun part.

Which band member would make the best girl and why? Josh would be the best woman. He’s just so pretty.

First association on these words: cupcakes, Miley Cyrus, high school, Alex Gaskarth, Slovenia. Gluten, foam finger, Yellowcard, legend, Ljubljana

Best book you read this year? The dirt. The motley crue story. I could not put it down.

Best tour prank you’ve ever pulled on anyone? We pranked All time low by playing pornography into their in-ear monitors. In front of 3500 people. No one knew what was happening but them. It was hilarious.

 

 

Blog #13 (Tretjič.)

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Kam se je to leto obrnilo?! November je. NOVEMBER.

Priznam, pravkar doživljam pretirano sentimentalen moment in gledam nazaj na vse, kar se je do sedaj v tem letu zgodilo. Pestro je bilo. Res pestro. Za nekatere stvari si želim, da se nikoli ne bi zgodile, saj so sprožile verižno reakcijo vrste ostalih stvari, brez katerih bi bilo življenje lepše in lažje.

Ampak tako je. Saj veste, kako pravijo: ne more biti slabo za vedno. Zato se moraš počasi spoprijemati z vsakim dnem posebej. Prav tako ne more biti za vedno dobro. Zato moramo ceniti vse tiste dobre trenutke.

Ja, leto se je okrog obrnilo noro hitro. Občutek imam, da hitreje, kot katero koli doslej (ali pa imam morda tak občutek vsako leto?! Haha). Time flies. It really does.

Da sploh ne začnem z omenjanjem vseh načrtov, ki jih še imam do 31.12.2013. NORO. Veselim se vsakega posebej in vem, da bo poleg teh že načrtovanih še ogromno spontanih, ki bodo še boljši in se bodo še močneje vtisnili v spomin.

Vesela sem, da je zadnje čase vse okej. Stres je prisoten, itak. Ampak to več ni tisti psihičen stres, ki ga nikakor ni mogoče regulirati. S tem se je mogoče spopasti in ga celo zmanjšati na minimum. Za nekatere stvari sekiranje enostavno ni vredno. In čisto vsakemu izmed vas želim, da boste nekoč prišli do tega zaključka. Želim pa vam tudi, da boste znali razločiti med stvarmi, ki niso pomembne in med stvarmi, ki so za življenje noro pomembne. Včasih je to mejo težko videti.

Kaj še? Najboljše, da kar zaključim in vsega tega optimizma ne pokvarim z moraliziranjem o tem, da ima vsaka stvar dve plati. :D

Aja. Trash Candy so zmagali battle of the bands in bodo na Vans Warped Tour na Dunaju! Tele so naši, čist btw. Pometli so z resnično dobro konkurenco, kar vam lahko pove, da niso glih zanič. Check them out. Pa mogoče sem čisto malo preveč navdušena za tale Warped (KI JE ŽE NASLEDNJI VIKEND!!).

Pa aja, sredi decembra gremo baje poleg vseh awesome eventov baje še v München. How awesome is that?!

To šolo bomo že zrihtali, če ne zaradi drugega pa zaradi tega, da bomo brez skrbi hodili naokrog. (:

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: Trash Candy in Casting Louis
Trenutno berem: Plesalec na krsti
Trenutno gledam: hmmm. Dejansko nič. Včeraj sem končala z Masterchef Junior (PRIPOROČAM!)
Citat dneva: 

 

Pa še to. PLEASE remember that.

Zablujena Generacija: Dejstvo je da muska, če je dobra, z leti pridobi na vrednosti

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Tokrat sem se pogovarjala z basistom že skoraj veteranske Zablujene Generacije, ki je pred kratkim izdala novi singel z naslovom Čas ustavil bi. Pogovarjala sva se o novi plošči, medijskem zatišju od leta 2008 in slovenski punk sceni.

Album Mi smo stare pizde je izšel leta 2008. Od takrat je bilo vse bolj kot ne v zatišju. Zakaj ste si vzeli tako dolgo pavzo?

Res je, da se bend po izidu albuma S.P. ni pojavljal v medijih, pač ni bilo potrebe. Lahko pa rečem, da je bila Zablujena v tem času, pa vse do danes koncertno  zelo aktivna. Odigranih je bilo preko sto koncertov, tako da smo vedno v stiku z našimi feni. S prvim singlom Čas ustavil bi, ki ga lansiramo po zatišju zadnjega albuma, smo obrnili novo stran in sigurno bo od tu naprej dosti več slišati o bendu.

Kdaj lahko pričakujemo izdajo nove plošče? Kako daleč v procesu snemanja ste trenutno?

Z izidom albuma se ne obremenjujemo in album gradimo postopoma. Ko bo čas primeren in bodo zvezde na naši strani, bo sledila akcija – izid. Kar lahko obljubim je, da v bližnji prihodnosti sigurno sledita vsaj še dva do trije singli.

Kakšno je vaše mnenje o trenutnem stanju na slovenski glasbeni sceni? Še vedno obstaja upanje za dobri, stari punk?

Vedno obstaja upanje za dobro musko, torej tudi za punk. Dejstvo je da muska, če je dobra, z leti pridobi na vrednosti in marsikdaj v času ki ga živimo delamo krivico glasbi, ki se predvaja tu in zdaj. Pri oceni kvalitete in tega kar določen bend počne danes, to počne danes in ne more to početi na način kot se je to delalo v preteklosti. Zablujenci imamo to srečo, da imamo zvesto publiko, ki nas spremlja in podpira v tem kar počnemo danes.

Kakšni so vaši načrti za prihodnost (poleg nove plošče seveda)?

Vsekakor je danes vsa pozornost usmerjena v naš prvi singel Čas ustavil bi za katerega si lahko spot ogledate na Youtube.  Kot sem že v drugem vprašanju odgovoril, imamo v bližnji prihodnosti našim fenom predstaviti vsaj še dva do tri single, verjetno za tem sledi album. Pustimo se presenetiti.

Sladek občutek praznine.

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Okej. Tole je stvar, ki je bila napisana že davnega 11. septembra. Še nikoli nisem bila tako skeptična glede objave česarkoli. Ampak po verjetno več deset branjih se mi zdi, da je to ena od najboljših stvari, ki sem jih kadarkoli napisala. Čeprav ne kaže nikakršne volje do življenja. Sploh se več ne spomnim, od kje je prišla inspiracija za to, ampak si želim, da se bi. Rada se bi namreč zahvalila tistemu, ki mi je pomagal priti v do tedaj še popolnoma neznano plat moje domišljije.

Uživajte v branju. Tokrat ne boste ostali ravnodušni.

 

Občutek otopelosti. Občutek, ko ne čutiš ničesar. Sladek trenutek praznine, ki postaja vedno bolj domača. In bum. Izgine v trenutku največje moči in te pusti popolnoma samega sredi kaosa, ki postaja neobvladljiv. Nered v notranjosti, za katerega se tako dolgo pretvarjaš, da ne obstaja, dokler ne postane ena velika kepa, ki te spremlja vsako sekundo, z vsakim vdihom in izdihom in te opominja na vsako najmanjšo pizdarijo. Pa se splača?

Čakati na trenutek ničevosti namreč. Ni nabitost s čustvi/emocijami/občutki/kakorkoli že rečeš tem sranjem boljša?

Potem očitno še nisi izkusil otopelosti. To ti daje občutek letenja in svobode, brezskrbnosti in breztežnosti. Brez kakršnih koli opojnih in prepovedanih substanc. Pa cena?

Višja kot pri ravnokar naštetem. Veliko višja.

Vsaj meni se zdi, da je človeška notranjost, razbita na tisoč in en košček, od katerih je vsak razdrobljen še na deset novih in kjer so ti novi ranjeni na najbolj vitalnih delih, dražja in pomembnejša.

Kadiš travo, ti je baje fajn, te dobijo, te malo zajebejo, še malo bolj kadiš in zadeva se vrti v pofukanem začaranem krogu. Pa otopelost?

Tukaj sta samo dve situaciji.

Trenutek ničevosti in bolečina ob (ne)potrpežljivem čakanju nanj. Ko že ravno misliš, da pride, si spet v morju ničvrednih ljudi, dogodkov, krajev, spominov. In čakaš. Tam čakaš, da se premakne nekaj, česar vzorca ne moreš ugotoviti. Čakaš, da te popelje nazaj v tisti popoln trenutek praznine, zaradi katerega se ti za sekundo zdi, da je vsa ta bolečina le za nekaj vredna.

 

xoxo
P

Forever Halloween

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Just this once
Just for now
You can be anything
In the world
Darlin’ don’t
You start to scream
It doesn’t mean anything
It’s make believe

I would like to take some time to appreciate the holiday that is still very much underestimated in Slovenia – Halloween. There are more and more parties where you should dress up as something, but nobody actually does it. It is quite awesome though. I remember years ago there used to be so many (good) horror movies on TV around Halloween. It looks like even that lost its meaning.

Make this holiday count. It’s different than all those holidays when you’re only happy about them because you get a day off school. This is supposed to be fun. Dress up, scare your best friend, go to a party, host a horror movie night (I wish I had friends who like horror movies, so we would be able to do that!), carve a pumpkin or just eat loads of sweets even though we don’t do the whole ‘trick or treating’ stuff.

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xoxo
P

Blog #12

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Chin up kid.

What a great week it was!

We have a week of holidays ahead of us. Finally! I can’t wait to get some quality sleep without the alarm being set super early for the next day. Halloween is coming up as well, which means there will be loads of parties going on everywhere. Anyone in our area has any suggestions where to go? (:

I’m pretty much proud of myself regarding the school shit that had to be done. Successful first two months: check.

The whole ‘trying to get experience as a journalist’ is going great. So many things can be done if you really set your mind on it. Honestly, don’t go on and choose something secure. Choose that one thing, which really makes you happy because it’ll be so much easier to try hard for it. Do whatever makes you happy. It’s not always all about choosing the secure path. Best things come with great price.

What else happened?
I was out the other day. I’ll spare you all the awesome details (really, we had a blast), but there was one thing that made my heart sink (I can’t find any other expressions haha). There’s this guy I know who’s dating a girl that lives about 20km away so she wasn’t out with him in our hometown, of course. There are supposedly madly in love and all that shit (they do look cute together, really) but there he was, fooling around with another girl for the whole night. This is where my knowledge of relationships ends. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand why you would try to hurt someone you care about so much. If you don’t care about them, let them go. Just don’t do such stupid shit to them.

I really liked this girl when I had a chance to talk to her. Now I’m honestly not sure what to do. It’s none of my business but nobody should have to go through this. It makes YOU feel bad and you start to think you’re not good enough so it basically ruins as much of the self-esteem as you have it. The feeling of ”how stupid was I to trust this person” strikes as well. You feel like shit. That’s the simple way of saying it. (:

But seriously. WHY do this?! Why be in a relationship with someone if all you want to do is horse around with anyone who’s at least decent looking? Do what you have to do and get into a serious relationship when you’re ready for it. Don’t try to combine the two. It’s not okay to combine them. It really isn’t. #moraloverdose

The same thing happened on Friday when we were out. Just that this time, it was the girl of a very good friend of mine. Bummer. Again.

But otherwise, this week was one of the best weeks I’ve had in a while. Everything started falling back into its place again. The sunny autumn weather is truly amazing. All those colourful leaves falling down, warm weather and genuine good mood. I hope you all had a good week as well! Try to get as much out of these holidays as you can and don’t stress too much. Sometimes you just have to be selfish and take care of yourself first. Don’t be too afraid you’ll hurt someone. Let go. This way, it’ll hurt just for some while (which will seem like forever, yeah) but if you keep such people in your life, it’ll hurt for a loooooooooong time and it’ll ruin you. Simple as that. (:

I have less than a month left until the awesome Warped tour, about a month and a half until a concert in Ljubljana and my birthday (yay) and the Christmas advertising will probably start soon as well. #love

Currently listening: The Maine
Currently reading:  Kradljivka knjig
Currently watching: The biggest loser
Word of the day: inevitable
Quote of the day: 

Zakaj jaz ne morem tistega, česar nočem več vedeti, pustiti v sobi? Zakaj mene preganja preteklost, vsi okoli mene pa jo pozabljajo? Zadihan sem se ustavil in se prijel za kolena. Pred očmi se mi je prikazal oče, kako sedi na postelji in se smehlja. In soseda, ki jo ovijajo tapete. In Svetlana. Ko se praska po nosu. Ko ne dela ničesar. Ko ne govori. Res, mogoče jih manj boli. A jaz vsaj vem, zakaj boli. In tudi bolečina je včasih boljša kot to, kar so postali oni. Sužnji pozabe. (Nejc Gazvoda: Vevericam nič ne uide)

The Maine: We are professional knuckleheads

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I had the pleasure to share a short conversation with John O’Callaghan, the lead singer of The Maine about touring, being professional knuckleheads, Forever Halloween, the writing process and of course The warped tour.

You released Forever Halloween this June. What’s the meaning behind this title?

The title was my nod at our attempt to divest ourselves of anything and everything “excess”. Stripping away the frill and exposing who we are as humans and not who we are as hats. This album is what mostly water and bone sounds like.

Do you have a specific favourite song on the album? If yes, why? And which one is the most emotional to play live?

Not sure I have a favourite, I’m rather proud of the album as a whole and we haven’t played all the songs off the album live and that usually dictates where my allegiance lies at the time. We’ve been playing a tune called “Run” as of late which has been a good time, still hard to pick just one though.

Which moment in the history of The Maine was the hardest for the band? How did you deal with it?

By no means am I saying we are a tortured group, but we’ve endured our fair share of hardships in the 7 years we’ve been a band. Atop the list of most difficult to overcome would have to be our struggle to break away from our former label Warner Brothers. Persistence and refusing to sacrifice any bit of our integrity was what carried us through the arduous process and ultimately landed us on our independent and unsigned feet.

Any funny tour moments?

Most wouldn’t be appropriate for an audience of strangers, but some are rated PG. We are a travelling circus, riding with 10 plus dudes in a bus with no real “adults” in charge. Naturally, ridiculous behaviour will ensue. There is much talk of flagellation, females and football. We are professional knuckleheads.

You have participated in the Warped Tour before. Are you excited to be a part of the European version as well?

We are extremely excited to be a part of the Euro Warped Tour. All we have is the experience we’ve had on Warped in the states and really don’t think it’d be fair to compare the experience until we’ve come back from all the dates across the pond. However, based on shows we’ve done in Europe prior, we know it will be a good time!

What has been your favourite moment of Warped Tour so far?

In 2008 we did 10 dates of Warped while travelling in a van with a trailer. We were 17-19 years old full of energy and fine with not taking showers. Not much sleep was enjoyed, but the experience was something special and definitely one we will never forget.

Can you give the fans that are coming to see you at Warped any details about possible meet and greets? None that I’m aware of as far as scheduled stuff goes, but we are always out and about after shows and will certainly be around to say hi to anyone who wants to hang out! I’m sure something will be more official, but at the very least you can expect us out on our own hanging around!

Thank you so much for your time! Can’t wait to play!

Blog #11 (Slovenščina. Drugič.)

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Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive.

Teden, nabit z živci, končno prihaja h koncu. Že dolgo se dnevi niso tako vlekli in še nikoli se mi z vsakim naslednjim dnem ni zdelo, da je konec tedna vedno dlje in dlje. Ampak itak, ratalo nam je, kot rata vedno. Živčki morajo vsake toliko časa pokazat, da so še vedno tu in da še vedno dobro delujejo.

Še en teden pa bodo (končno) počitnice. Hitro sta se obrnila prva dva mesca šole, poletje pa se zdi dobesedno ages ago. Mogoče zaradi vremena, mogoče zaradi stresa, mogoče pa zaradi nekih popolnoma drugih dejavnikov. Ne glede na vse, rada bi ga nazaj. Vsaj vročino, če ne drugega.

Komaj čakam, da si malo odpočijem od zgodnjega vstajanja in da moji možgani dobijo težko pričakovano (manjšo) pavzo. Končno bom imela spet ogromno časa za branje in aktivnosti, ki so v zadnjih dveh tednih popolnoma preveč trpele.

Btw.
Naslednji teden grem baje že na avtocesto! Kar pomeni, da očitno moja vožnja le ni tako slaba. (Ampak vseeno, ne se preveč svobodno gibat na relaciji Novo mesto – Ljubljana, če kje vidite kje znak šola vožnje ;).

To je ena dobra novica tega tedna. Druga je, da se mi je uspelo dogovorit še za dva intervjuja, ki si ju že zelo dolgo želim izvesti in zagotovljeno imam novinarsko akreditacijo za Vans warped tour na Dunaju. Prva akreditacija za tujino in prva akreditacija, ki sem jo uredila sama, brez pomoči kakršnihkoli urednikov. Komaj čakam. Res.

Pa malo sem ponosna nase. Mogoče.

*

Matematika mi tudi letos veselo skače po živcih. Končno sem se znebila fizike in večno osovražene kemije, matematika je pa pač ostala še za zadnji letnik. Vse se navezuje na neke stare snovi, ki so iz moje glave večinoma itak že zdavnaj izpuhtele, zato je vse še mnogo težje, kot bi bilo drugače. Tolažim se s tem, da matura baje itak ni težka. Baje. To reče vsak, ko jo enkrat konča. Dokler pa dejansko ne konča z zadnjim ustnim izpitom, je pa tudi popolnoma natempiran, kot smo zdaj mi. Ker je vsem očitno neskončno zabavno večno razlaganje o tem, da bo to v maturi, pa da moramo vedet to za nazaj, pa še to dodatno pogledat, pa še tisoč drugih nepomembnih stvari, ki nam v življenju prav ne bodo prišle nikoli (npr. vektorji, popolna indukcija…).

Bo že. Sej moram vse skupaj zbrat samo 85+ točk, da bom sprejeta na želen program. Samo 85+ točk.

*

Ta vikend bo pa baje fajn.

Jutri gremo s puncami najprej po dolgem času na tortico, potem imamo plesne za maturantski, ki so za enkrat še zabavne, kasneje pa me čaka še vožnja. V soboto se mi ni treba učit absolutno ničesar, kar pomeni, da si bom vzela čas in sestavila vse tri intervjuje, ki me še vedno čakajo. Pa še cel dan sem sama doma. Zvečer gremo pa še ven. Sounds pretty awesome.

Jutri rešimo še to psihologijo, pol pa akcija!

xoxo
P

It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.

Trenutno poslušam: From dawn to fall
Trenutno berem: Inferno
Trenutno gledam: The biggest loser
Beseda dneva:

Pretty picture of the week (alongside with some real deep bullshit)

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It’s a sheer lie we all tell. Trying to convince people you’re moody and grumpy just because you’re tired, is basically something nobody believes anymore but simply doesn’t want to question. If you go by the excuse you’re tired, usually nobody will ask any further questions. They just know they have to back off.

But that’s just wrong.

We all know when we try to get by with saying ‘’I’m tired’’. When we’re really in such a bad mood we just want someone to hug us real tight and not let us go.

We don’t ask for a hug though.

We push people away.

Wrong.

Tell people what you feel, it’s the only way. Ask for a hug if that’s what you need, ask for a minute of someone’s time if you need someone to listen to your problems (don’t whine too much though, nobody likes that), ask someone to make you a cup of tea (tea always tends to make things better).

‘’That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.’’ (John Green, The fault in our stars (a MUST read book)).

It will be easier if you don’t be all stubborn and try to deal with everything on your own. Trust me on this one. (:

 

xoxo
P

Vans warped tour Vienna!

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24th November, Vienna Stadthalle.

Definitely a place to be.

24 bands, three different stages, meet&greets, sports area, some of the best BMX riders and skaters, loads and loads of fun!

I think we’ve all been waiting for this for ages. Every rocker/punker knows all about the American Warped tour and spends every summer whining he’s not able to be there. Thumbs up for bringing it back to Europe (and NOT only UK!). I’m super stoked to be a part of the Austrian warped. It’ll be a long drive from Slovenia, but I think it will all be worth it.

I don’t think I’m setting up my expectations too high because it’s clearly visible already that the organisation of everything is perfect. +I’ve never been to a concert in Austria that wouldn’t have everything organised and settled in a good way (Italians can be quite sloppy about that).

Slovenian band called Trash candy is competing in battle of the bands in order to be able to play warped. Please support our local guys in the link below. They are AWESOME.

http://warpedeu.battleofthebands.com/u/Trashcandy

There are some more good bands I came across of on the battle of the bands website, so please, give them a listen and help them out. We all know what a great career kick off this would be.

http://warpedeu.battleofthebands.com/

Blog #10

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If one drink can make tonight slip your mind, then you should drink up.

Seeing her so broken, so fragile, so desperate to look alive to the rest of the world made me wonder why. Why would you want to give people the impression you’re okay when each and every inch of your body is crying out for help? Ask for help and you’ll get it. It’s the only way to get out of the hole you’ve dug out for yourself.

But the sad reality is she won’t. She’s so deep in all of this that she’ll just keep going until it really gets too late. Then suddenly everyone will have an opinion about everything. Then, when it’ll be WAY too late. Wrong. Mentality is really wrong.

Speaking of problems and all that crap. Recently, I was told I never actually finish anything and that I shut everyone out when it comes to a topic I’m not comfortable with. (I’ll listen about mentioning this here as well, but anyway. Haha.).

I do try to get away with some stuff. Of course. Who doesn’t? But I do find talking about things bothering us essential in order to be able to form a good relationship of any kind. Things build up if you don’t talk about them and get so heavy after some time you feel like you’re dragging a huge rock everywhere you go.

If that doesn’t sound alarming, I honestly don’t know what does. Don’t try to learn from your own mistakes when it comes to this. It comes with too much of a price.  Talk, talk, talk. And trust.

So yes, I do try to get away. Sometimes to prevent myself from getting hurt, but if one doesn’t give up the first time I refuse to answer a question with more than a few words, then I’ll talk. It’s really not that complicated (that’s why everyone should have basic psychology knowledge!).

*

What else happened this week?

Ummmmm

We saw Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark on Monday! It was AMAZING. Confusing of course, but great. It’s so much easier to understand such a difficult play if you get a chance to see it in the theatre. I love Shakespeare’s work anyway, so it was all good.

Other than that, the amount of work that has to be done for school is getting bigger and bigger. Things are piling up and my bad habit of procrastinating a lot isn’t making ANYTHING easier. I get nervous too easily because I’m so stressed. This is making everything even worse than it was before due my long-lasting-grumpiness and not wanting to talk to anyone.

I want to do so much more but the days are simply too short. Huge amounts of school work, reading, writing, sports (I’ll take up boxing again as soon as possible!), volunteer work, journalism, photography, driving lessons, concerts etc. I will make it work somehow. I will. People ask me how do I have time to do anything. It’s the only way to get out of this fucking routine. Free time is something you should cherish; therefore you shouldn’t spend the whole afternoon asleep.

So yeah, I have time to do shit because I don’t spend my free time dossing around. +I know there’s so much more to life than just than just the fucking 9 to 5 routine.

Btw, I saw some really amazing info about Warped today! WOWOWOOW this is going to be so awesome! Just like the American version (maybe the fact that it’s happening in November spoils everything a bit but still!). Three stages, meet&greets, sports area, three stages, ALL of my favourite tour people. Definitely something to look forward to!

Scanning the e-mail inbox just made me realise I’ve got an interview with From dawn to fall to do! Cheers!

P.S.: Someone PLEASE go see Despicable me 2 with me!

xoxo
P

Currently listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXmrWCZc9ws
Currently reading: Inferno and Kradljivka knjig (yeah, I actually have two books on the go)
Currently watching: nothing really. And good movie suggestions?
Word of the day: procrastination
Quote of the day: 

Razredni sovražnik (Class enemy)

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Naj se ob uživanju v zdravem sobotnem zajtrku končno dotaknem v ponedeljek ogledanega Razrednega sovražnika.

Moram reči, da sem ga res težko pričakovala. Že zaradi večletnega spremljanja režiserjevega dela, dvakratnega sodelovanja z njim (pri nekih totalno osnovnošolskih delavnicah), zraven sta bila Nejc Gazvoda in Janez Lapajne (ki sta seveda pri mojem vrhu slovenskih filmskih ustvarjalcev), pa še na naši gimnaziji je bil sneman. Itak. (To, da vsaj na videz poznam večino statistov in profesorjev bom samo omenila, da vse skupaj ne izpade preveč kičasto.)

Naša draga novomeška gimnazija je prikazana ravno tako, da si res nihče ne bi želel preživeti štirih let v njej. Hodniki so ves čas mrtvo prazni in tišina že kar reže v ušesa. Za ozračje filma je to seveda super, toda kot dijakinja šole sem to takoj opazila.

Zdaj pa k filmu. Zares.

Odlično so prikazani plehki odnosi, ki se pojavljajo v srednji šoli. Dijakom tega nesrečnega razreda je mar le zase in se ne ozirajo na težave drugih. Ko Sabina naredi samomor, to izkoristijo za upor proti sistemu. Seveda je pred tem nihče ni niti vprašal, če je v redu, če ima težave doma, v šoli, ali kje drugje. Zdaj so pa kar naenkrat vsi totalno prepričani, da se je ubila zaradi njihovega novega razrednika, profesorja Zupana (ko pomisliš, da so se te stvari res dogajale, te med filmom kar zmrazi).

Ravnateljica se sicer nekaj trudi, da bi dogajanje umirila, ampak njej je važno samo to, da so njeni dijaki nad slovenskim povprečjem (plus točke za prikaz tega!). Nekateri profesorji se trudijo, da se bi približali dijakom in njihovem navideznem žalovanju, profesor Zupan pa vztraja pri svoji načelnosti in jim želi pomagati s tem, da nadaljuje s predavanji. Oni to dojamejo, kot da mu ni mar za Sabinino smrt in ga razglasijo za nacija.

Konca filma in podrobnosti, ki film naredijo tako odličen vam ne bom razkrila. Ogled vam toplo priporočam, predvsem če ste še vedno prepričani, da Slovenci nismo sposobni narediti dobrega filma. Rok Biček in celotna ekipa so si popolnoma zaslužili vse nagrade, ki so jih (in jih še bodo) prejeli.

Igra je pristna in ne prisiljena kot pri večini slovenskih filmov. Komični vložki se pojavijo ravno takrat, ko si kot gledalec na robu zloma. Konec ni kičast in nam pokaže, kako vseeno jim je dejansko za Sabino, profesorja Zupana pa si lahko orišemo na dva načina. Lahko gremo v pozitivno smer (tako sem si ga predstavljala tudi sama), kjer vidimo, da je dijakom skozi celoten film ponujal možnost pogovora in pomoči, ali pa v skrajno smer brezčutnega profesorja nemščine.

Pa še malo pretirane morale za konec: dobri medsebojni odnosi so ključ. Opazujte kaj se dogaja z vašimi najbližjimi prej, kot bo prepozno. Ko pa bo prepozno, ne krivite sistema, ki resnično najverjetneje ni ničesar kriv.

Cheers!

Blog #9

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Oh, Calamity.

What does it take for you to be happy? A huge achievement? A lot of money? Or is it all those small things that pile up and turn into the best day ever?

It’s pretty much the same as with the bad things. They pile up and suddenly you feel like you’re buried in them and you can’t find your way out. It’s the same with good things! We just don’t seem to realise that. I feel like there’s too much talk about the negativity. Focus on everything that’s good in your life. Like I said yesterday, state of mind is everything. If you think about the happiness piling up, instead of focusing on sadness, misery and anger, your life will shine in the brightest colours ever possible.

I managed to type down a positive introduction to a blog! Yay for that!

And it gets even better. (;

It’s official now! I’m going to Warped Tour in November! Booking the tickets finally made it real and now all I have left is the exciting countdown to seeing so many great bands and all my favourite tour people again. Trust me; you have no idea what it’s like to be in a room full of people who understand your view on music, musicians, lyrics. They know what it’s like to have that one special song that is always there or what it’s like to love music with each and every heartbeat.

That’s why I love meeting people at gigs. They always bring something new and special into my life and it’s ridiculous how quickly we ‘click’.

(btw, if anyone wants to see One Republic on their upcoming European tour, let me know!)

*

Do you ever let yourself suffer in order not to make anyone else feel bad? I keep doing that even though I end up getting hurt in the end. People always tell me I should talk about such things. But what’s the point? If I keep quiet then I’m the only one feeling bad about it. If I say anything, then there’s always at least one more person who has to go through the same shit. Just like utilitarianism says: maximum happiness for maximum number of people.

Which brings us straight back to honesty and all that crap. Should we be honest even though that means more people get hurt than if we keep quiet?

Wow, this just got too philosophical. :D

Anyway, you never do the right thing for everyone. There will always be someone who will get the short end. It’s how things work, whether we like it or not.

 

*

Driving lessons are going great! It’s a bit weird at the start. You’re used to being the one who always looks around, fools around with the radio and all other irrelevant buttons in the car. Now you’re suddenly the one in charge of everything. It’s overwhelming at the start because you have to be alert and focused on things you never had to be before. It’s pretty much awesome though. When you see you hit 90km/h for the first time (I’ve only had three lessons, don’t judge me!) and it isn’t even as hard as you thought it would be is beyond amazing. I can’t wait to get my driver’s license!

I’ll finish this one here. I’m attaching a few super inspirational photo quotes for you guys. I hope they make you feel at least a bit better even though tomorrow is Monday! (:

P.S.: Končno prilagam še link do reportaže iz letošnjega Ritma mladosti. http://www.zvpl.com/dogodki/recenzije/ritem-mladosti-2013/

xoxo
P

Currently listening: All time low
Currently reading: The secret
Currently watching: Prljavo Kazalište arena Zagreb 2009
Quotes of the day: 

Motivation

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I found this picture in a pretty cool website called Pinterest and I felt like it had to be re-posted here.

There are so many people who live for holding other people down and not letting them achieve what they are trying so hard for. You know what? FUCK THEM. Do whatever you want to do because in the end, you’ll be the one laughing. Never let anyone tell you’re not good enough because you are. You are good enough to do anything you set your mind on. Setting your goals high is even better because this means you’re able to think outside the box. If one isn’t able to think outside the box, he will never be able to live outside the box.

Be different, do the shit you want to do and make people who put you down jelaous by being successful and fucking awesome. Change the way you look at life and life will suddenly feel very much different.

State of mind is everything. Everything.

 

xoxo
P

Blog #8

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Back to black

It’s all back to the old routine now. Get up at a ridiculously early hour, get ready, eat and enjoy (but really enjoy!) a morning coffee, forget about the time and rush out of the house in order not to miss the bus, spend eight long hours in school, go home, eat, do homework.

Working out does make the whole routine-looking-days better. It feels amazing to do something good for yourself. Sometimes it seems like you’re going to die. But the feeling when you’re done is something only people who work out every day will understand. It gets even better when you manage to stick to it for a longer time than you used to in the past. This is what makes it even more amazing for me.

+I start with driving lessons tomorrow! I couldn’t be more excited for that! I’m a bit anxious since I’m a typical girl who doesn’t know much about cars but I hope I’ll be a quick learner. Haha. I passed the final theory tests today, called up my instructor right after I was told the results. He was really nice and gave me a chance to start straight away. (:

What else is new?

I thought I would be able to get through one September (after years) without getting ill but that’s obviously not happening. I haven’t been feeling well this whole week and it just keeps getting worse. I have started drinking tea already in hope it won’t be as bad as the last time I was ill. The whole quick temperature changes obviously don’t work for me. It’s way too cold for September. 8 degrees in the morning? Sounds more like fucking November to me.

All these small things, from being cold all the time, to not getting enough sleep are making me extremely moody. I know talking about problems should be good and all that crap but I just don’t feel like bringing such shit up. I like to deal with it on my own because it always feels like I’m annoying someone when I’m talking about the bad stuff.

It’s funny though, because I always encourage people to tell me what’s wrong. I’m a fixer. It might be just something minor, but I like to comfort people and tell them it’ll get better. Hugs and cuddling are great (haha) and we all feel a bit better at least a bit because of that.

You know what helps when being in a bad mood? Keeping away from sad/corny/whatever movies. Watch comedies. They are supposed to be a safe choice.

I’ll admit it, I don’t smile as much as I usually do, BUT seeing this today, made me smile like an idiot. Doesn’t he look adorable at 1:41?! The song is beyond amazing as well. It makes it so much more special because so many great memories are attached to this guy. (He likes to call himself Matt now when he’s this big musician. He’ll always be Matija for me though). He’s probably the only guy who will pull out two iPhones during a totally random conversation, the only person who will misunderstand something totally ordinary and make it funny for absolutely everyone and probably one of the nicest guys I know. He’s also kind of a good musician. (;

There’s something else I’m looking forward to! My two favourite girls are coming over this weekend for a sleepover! Going out with them and the local gang should be something to remember. PARTEY!

“Keine Parteys, keine Tanzveranstaltung, kein Bierabend, keine Volksversammlung und kein Freundestreff.”

Currently listening: You me at six; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgvJTqXQycE
Currently reading: Pride and prejudice
Currently watching: Silver linings playbook
Word of the day: der Glatzkopf
Quote of the day: QUOD IN CORDE SOBRII,
ID IN LINGUA EBRII.

Blog #7

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Tokrat za spremembo v slovenščini.

”Ej ti si pa letos že maturantka, ne?”

”Kam se boš pa vpisala?”

”Kje mate pa maturantski ples?”

”Že maš soplesalca?”

”Si sigurna, da boš mela dost točk za na to fakulteto?”

”Kaj boš pa, če ne boš sprejeta?”

”Al zdej se moraš pa res sproti učit, veš.”

”Poletje je mimo, se bo treba malo umirit.”

Sej bi rekla moj prvi pomislek ob vseh teh vprašanjih in izjavah, pa kletvice v naši prelepi slovenščini zvenijo enostavno preveč grobo.

Deveti september je. Občutek imam, kot da se gibljemo nekje okrog novembra, ko je vsega preveč. Vsaj nekaj se dogaja, to je super. Ampak teženje z maturo, ki se trenutno zdi še daleč stran je vseeno pretirano. Nam ne bi pustili še vsaj teden, dva, tri, preden nas zasujete z vsem? Že en teden poslušam zgradbo prve, druge, tretje pole pri vseh možnih predmetih. Da o temah za ustne izpite in maturitetnih seminarskih nalogah sploh ne govorim.  Se bo treba lotit, itak. Ampak tega smo se lotili preveč na hard. Moji možgani še vedno čofotajo po slani vodi in delajo načrte za naslednje potepanje.

Pogrešam občutek, da je pred mano še celo poletje, popolnoma brez skrbi. Občutek, ko ravno razpakiram kovček, pa že pakiram stvari za nekam drugam. Okej, zlagala se bi, če bi rekla, da zdaj nimam nikakršnih planov. AMPAK. Pri teh planih je vedno prisoten priokus ponedeljka, ko bo zjutraj zvonila budilka, ki te (ne)prijazno povabi nazaj v realnost. Ne glede na to kako super vikend je bil za mano, sem se danes morala vrniti na gimnazijske hodnike, polne zmedenih in (zaenkrat še) navdušenih prvošolčkov, ki še niso ugotovili, da so stopnice namenjene premikanju in ne čvekanju o tem kakšen je ta in oni profesor, v koga je zaljubljena sošolka, katere imena si še vedno niso zapomnili, kakšen geek je en sošolec in kako za šolo dol visi drugemu.

Danes sem prvič dobila občutek, da je jesen res že skoraj pred vrati. Sicer se je na trenutke zdelo, da vreme (ponovno letos) malce meša mesece, in je očitno mislilo, da je deveti april in ne september, je vseeno dišalo po jeseni. Eno minuto sonce, drugo minuto nevihta, poletja je konec. To je to. Ni več tistega: ”Še en topli vikend je pred nami.” 25°C. Maksimum. Da sploh ne omenjam noro mrzlih večerov, v katerih si že zdaj zaželim skodelico vroče čokolade (bele seveda!), ali pa skodelico noro dobrega čaja. Summer, you shall be missed.

Mi je pa všeč, da vsak dan vidim ljudi, ki jih med poletjem tudi po več tednov nisem. Interne fore, ki so smiselne samo nam, komadi, ki na plan prinesejo fenomenalne spomine in že sam občutek bližine tistih, ki me lahko vedno spravijo v boljšo voljo.

Naj omenim še:

  • da mi bo nemščina morda le (končno!) prirasla k srcu. Morda pa le spadam med jezikoslovce, in je to ena stvar, v kateri naj bi bila dobra. Ko bi se le začela tega zavedati pred šestimi leti, ko sem z nemščino začela. Ampak alles gut! Bo že. (:
  • končno sem vzljubila tek. Morda se je vse začelo iz napačnih razlogov in morda še vedno nimam kondicije, ampak občutek po teku je nekaj, česar se ne da opisati. Tek v šoli pri športni je en navaden bullshit. Dokler se sami ne spravite ven in naredite nekaj zase, to ni to. Tudi če vam uspe samo enkrat na teden. Vseeno ste nekaj naredili. Chin up. (:

Trenutno poslušam: Zablujence!
Trenutno berem: Angeli, demoni in kurbe
Trenutno gledam: Suits!
Beseda dneva:  self-de·struc·tive (slfd-strktv)

Pa še citat dneva (morda se bi morala večkrat ravnati po tem): You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.

Blog #6

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It’s funny for how long a certain thing can be stuck in your mind whether you want it or not. And it’s funny how a certain thing can change your life forever. Someone may not even realise what they’ve done simply by thinking it wasn’t a big deal.

Guess what? Something that may seem like an ordinary thing to you can mean the world to someone else. You can change someone’s life for better or the worse by not thinking and doing (or saying) something stupid.

I’ve been burned before. I often say things and people interpret them in a way I never even thought they could be interpreted. Therefore a lot of apologising and explaining always follows afterwards. I’m trying to teach myself that, and I want to remind all of you. THINK before you do anything.

*

I’m going back to school in two days. Senior year. How did that happen?! The past three years have gone by so quickly they’re almost in a blur. It seems like I was dreading the first day of high school just yesterday and now I’m about to start the senior year already.

I’m not really sure what to expect. It’ll be really hectic and exhausting just like the other years. But it’s the last year. We will all go to different universities after this and that’s it. It feels like a closure that hasn’t even started yet.

On the other side, I’m pretty stoked to go back and see all my friends on a daily basis again. Summer’s great, but catching up with everyone is way harder in a way because we don’t all live so close to each other.

I can already smell the morning coffee I like to make for myself before I leave every morning, drinking it alongside with thinking about the day that’s ahead of me, being happy/nervous/extremely stressed about something that I have to face.  Even thinking about those few minutes I really get for myself every morning makes me happy. Those are the times when I’m glad I’m a morning person.

Sometimes it feels like my body is made for hectic schedules. I like it when there’s something happening all the time even if it makes me too stressed. I get tired and grumpy, of course. But that happens even if my week isn’t busy. So therefore, I’ll take the hectic one because it’s way more fun. (I’ll probably regret saying this in a few months, but anyway. Haha)

Thank you all for one of the best summers I’ve ever had. So many great things happened with people that are incredibly cool, kind and positive. I wouldn’t trade these memories for anything. I hope everyone else had a summer to remember and I wish you all a great kickoff on Monday. (:

Currently listening: summer playlist
Currently reading: Hamlet
Currently watching: LOL
Word of the day: pho·ny also pho·ney

xoxo
P

Blog #5

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Truth or dare to find out yourself?

Hello there.

I haven’t talked about the always touchy subject called trust in a long time, so let’s have a look at that.

What does it take for you to fully trust someone? Let’s say you’ve just met them and you know absolutely nothing about them. How long does it take (or what does it take) for you to start talking about personal things? And how long (what) so that you expose the side of yourself you really don’t like to talk about?

Honesty?

Spending a lot of time together?

Waiting for the other person to tell you everything?

All of the above?

Honesty can be a trap. Sometimes we hurt people with honesty more than we would by keeping something from them. BUT. It’s usually the serious stuff we don’t want to tell them. They will find it out sooner or later.

Which kind of fucks up things for you. Of course your intentions were all good; you didn’t want to hurt them and blahblahblah. They won’t see it that way. #justsaying (stupid hash tags). They will feel like they got betrayed by you and no matter how far on the highway of gaining their trust you were, this will shoot you straight back to the beginning.  It’s good to be honest. It does hurt sometimes, but it’s easier to put yourself back together from this, than it is from a betrayal of someone you actually thought you could trust. One way honesty doesn’t really work. If only one person is trying and the other one thinks they’ll get everything on a plate by keeping quiet, the whole thing is bound to fall apart sooner or later.

By honesty I also mean not shutting the other person out. You should be honest with them and share. Sharing is good. Talking about life is good. It may be the small talk about all the little things or huge heart to hearts. Sharing is good. (Try to do it sober though, it has more of a spark that way. Haha. And it can get awkward if you spill your guts to someone and don’t remember a thing you said the next day. Haha.)

This is just my point of view, what are your thoughts on this? I feel everyone feels quite happy when they can avoid this talk (even me sometimes to be honest).

And OH. How many people are there that you can really fully trust? One, two, three? (The number probably doesn’t get bigger than three, right?). I think full trust comes from exposing the dark/weird/not-open-for-public side of you. When you both do that, I think you’re on the right path to building a strong relationship (by relationship I mean everything from family to romantic).

What about finding everything out on your own? By asking close friends of a person everything you want to know? Doesn’t end well. I mean, if you do that, just ask the person everything about what’s true and what isn’t. People like to talk. They always have and they always will. You can end up getting hurt simply by being stupid, impatient and by not waiting for someone to trust you with personal things.

There are some exceptions in this area. When everything simply clicks and there are no problems regarding this issue. Sadly, most of the times the journey of honesty and trust is long, full of ups and downs. (:

Anyway.
I had a great weekend again. Celebrated a class mate’s 18th birthday (happy birthday again, dear), had a sleepover with the best friend, spent some quality time with both best friends after the other one got back from London (WE HAD FUCKING PANCAKES FOR BREAKFAST!) and had some other nice moments I wouldn’t really discuss over here. Haha.

Currently listening: Avicii
Currently reading: The catcher in the rye (still)
Currently watching: The pretty little liars (still)
Word of the day: despicable (dɪˈspɪkəbəl ; ˈdɛspɪk-)

xoxo
P

“Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis – a good hot cup of coffee.” – Alexander King

“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee” – Stephanie Piro

Blog #4 (Memories)

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Memories.

Since summer I’ve been waiting for this whole year is coming to its end with immense speed, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about everything that’s happened in the last two months.

(I promise this gets optimistic in the end, no matter how shitty it starts! Haha)

It’s funny, how we always remember all the good stuff when we look back, no matter how many fucked up things happened.

To be honest, we always come back to the bad side in the end. And it’s memories that kill us in the end. When we’re trying to forget everything but all those small every day things bring up so much stuff we can’t seem to move past it.

The solution?
Some people start drinking a lot. Some go out a lot and try to gain all the confidence back by trying to attract the opposite (or the same) gender. Some fight with everyone close to them. Some shut everyone out.

Some live in denial and pretend they don’t care. BULLSHIT. You can’t just not fucking care. You can’t. Trust me, I’ve tried it before and it doesn’t work. You have to deal with everything sooner or later. If you simply accept the fact that you got hurt will save you from getting hurt even more. Getting all bitchy with the attitude: ”Oh I don’t give a fuck about anything happening around me!” will only bring fighting with everyone you actually still care about. They will try to help you but since you’re convinced you don’t need help, they’ll soon stop offering it. You won’t have anyone to turn to when you actually start dealing with stuff. Which won’t be too nice.

So yeah, memories are a bitch. They will rip you apart. They will bring you down. But after you come clean with everything, they will turn nice again. You’ll be able to remember all the good times.

Okay, I’ve gone WAAAAAAY off topic with this. Haha.

This summer was all in all marvellous (I’ve always wanted to use that word somewhere haha).
I met some quite amazing people, got closer with a few friends I met sooner this year, partied quite a lot (that is about to continue tomorrow, as a matter of fact!), had a great time at the seaside with my two awesome best friends, enjoyed a summer festival, finally met the person who helped me through all my weakest points in the past year, had a lot of lie-ins, read a few classics (which were awesome btw), spent time watching trashy TV shows (and some trashy and too corny movies), went to a concert of a musician I never thought I’d even consider seeing live (with four people who are the best), improved relationship with my siblings, stopped drinking a lot of coffee, had fun with a bit of love matching (I got some skills for that! I always make sure my friends get the good guys!), etc.

Sounds almost quite nice, huh?

It had its ups and downs but I’m left with great memories (and some for which I’m waiting to turn great haha) and no regrets. I’m looking forward to seeing my classmates soon, ready to nail this fucking last year of high school.

xoxo
P

Currently listening: Ocean Avenue acoustic by Yellowcard
Currently reading: The catcher in the rye
Currently watching: Pretty little liars

Blog #3

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Madness starts again tomorrow. We had two super easy months in school. Not a lot of exams, which basically meant no studying. That was amazing but we have so many exams coming up, it’ll be hard to get back on track with having to study so many different school subjects at the same time. I tried to do as much catching up during the winter break as possible. I’m proud to say I did quite a lot, despite being ill for the most of it. The only thing that slipped me and is still waiting to be done are history notes. Ah well, I still have enough time for that.

And yeah, we are travelling to Strasbourg on March 15th! I couldn’t be more stoked for that! We won a competition just before the winter break and are going to France as a reward. I’ve gotta admit it though, even if we hadn’t won that, I’d still see myself as a winner (as cocky as that sounds) because I did manage to get there and do my part even though I had an awfully high fever, and was so cold at one moment and hot at another that I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to get through it. But I did and we all did such a great job, I’m proud of all of us!

Remember the whole talk about how many books I’m going to read this year? I’ve been SUPER lazy about that as well. :( Haven’t read a single book this entire break. AND THAT IS SO SAD. I have a list of a lot of great books, but I was too lazy for the past few weeks and now I’m afraid I won’t have the time with all the studying that’s coming up. I will finish the book I started weeks ago today. I will.

I’m super bummed that I’m not in Australia right now. ‘’Yeah yeah, who doesn’t want to be there?’’ But it’s not only because of summer. SOUNDWAVE guys, Soundwave. Everyone who gives a crap about concerts knows what Soundwave is. And in our world, there are two kinds of people right now: people who are playing or going to Soundwave, and people who wish they were playing or going there.

What else did I want to say. Hmmmm. YES. Snow. There is still way too much of it. We got another 30cm or maybe even more last night. It sucks so badly because it’s not even fun anymore. Snow shovelling is getting super annoying and the happiness that was always going on about snow is gone. Nobody’s happy when they see it falling anymore. We’re all desperate for some sun and warm weather. I really hope that was the last huge snow storm because I will lose my mind if spring and sun don’t come soon.

I did make a snowman with my sister today. She named him Franci, but now insists that she changed her mind and he should be called Albert. He looks more like Franci though, doesn’t he?

franci

Have a good week everyone!

Currently listening: Southern air by Yellowcard

Currently reading: (still) Borut Golob: Smreka bukev lipa križ

Currently watching: This is 40

Blog#2

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I find it funny how some people always like to brag about everything they achieve, even though the half of their successes are because of stabbing many people in the back or sticking with people who are bound to success and not actually do anything – just watch others do everything and take all the credit afterwards. I like to think karma will get them someday and I sure hope it happens soon, because it’s not fair to everyone else.

This is what I wrote the other day during Chemistry.
There she was, innocently smiling so everyone would think she had actually changed. But they knew she was still just sitting there, thinking of an easy way to stab them all in the back as if she never cared about any of them.

They were always careful about the things they said in her presence. They always shared the significant dark look, telling the person talking to finally shut up. Sharing personal information was just too dangerous.

The funny thing is that she still lives by the fact that she’s the perfect little thing, loved by everyone and everything. She always gets what she wants and thinks nobody gets hurt along the way of her doing that.

Everyone hopes the time for her, learning her lesson will come soon, because spending time with such a difficult person is hard and exhausting.

And yeah, I’m looking forward to the winter break. We have only four school days left and one exam – maths (which I’m not looking forward to AT ALL). School gave year three and four students the final day before holidays free, so we can go around Slovenia to check out the universities we’re interested in. I’m kind of excited to see the university I want to attend after high school, to get to know it better and to really decide if English and Slovene really are the languages I want to study.

I do spend a lot of time over thinking everything. And I know it’s not good because it only makes me worry about things and people that aren’t worth it. But I really can’t help it. I think if you know that someone you love is doing something wrong, worrying is the smallest thing you can do for them. Even if they think they aren’t doing anything bad for themselves or someone else. Telling them that they are making a mistake is good. Of course they won’t listen, but they will thank you for worrying about them someday.

At least that’s what I tell myself when worrying about the stupidest things ever.

Does anyone else have the problem of going to bed early and then waking up in the morning, feeling like you got run by a train?
I just can’t seem to get enough rest even though I sleep for at least 8 hours. I usually don’t wake up during the night, but I still feel exhausted in the morning. And it SUCKS. Because then I drink way too much coffee during the day because otherwise I can’t get any work done at all.

It has been a good week so far, despite everything. I learn something from the each mistake I make, hoping I won’t repeat it again.

Cheers!

Currently listening to: Always Summer by Yellowcard

Currently reading: Borut Golob: Smreka bukev lipa križ

Currently watching: Tina Maze kicking everyone’s ass in Schladming

Blog #1

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I decided to have a go with writing a blog. I’ll try to update it as often as possible and it will give you a better insight on my life and the things I enjoy doing. (:

I’ve just finished reading John Green’s Looking for Alaska today. It’s really, really good. I personally enjoyed the After part of the book more than Before. There is so much talk about the pain Pudge, the Colonel and everyone else are experiencing. It gives you the insight on how hard coping with the loss of someone dear is. Everyone who enjoys reading, give it a chance! I’m sure you won’t regret it.

I also set a goal to read at least fifty books this year. I started to write a sentence that I’m on the right path to reaching it but then I was like. Wait, that’s really a lot of books and I’ve only read five so far. Wish me best of luck, because I’ll need it.

Anyway. The whole winter thing has to go away as soon as possible. I love snow, don’t get me wrong. But we had way too much of it this year and going out every day in this cold is no fun at all. It would be so much better if there was no fog all the time. Snow + sun = the best combination you can get during winter months. It’s just such a shame it happens so rarely. :(

But we DID get this perfect weather a week (or maybe two?) ago.
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And it takes too much time to get ready in the morning. Putting on so many layers of clothes to make sure I don’t get cold during the day requires getting up at least five minutes earlier than in summer.

To sum up, this week had many ups and downs (and January in general to be honest), but it’s funny how we start to appreciate all the good things and all the right people we have by our side, when we finally get the courage to say goodbye to everything (and everyone) holding us down. Don’t be afraid to let go. No matter how hard it seems at the time. It hurts but it’s for the best and you’ll feel great afterwards. (:

What I’ll read next: Siddharta by Hermann Hesse
What I’m currently listening to: All Time Low’s latest album Don’t Panic.
What I’m watching: the new episode of The Vampire Diaries.

Flashbacks

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Hi there! I’m so, so sorry I haven’t posted in AGES. I’ve been working on a longer piece in Slovene. Here’s something I started recently. I could really use all the possible feedback on this one, because I can feel it can go on into something longer, I just need a little push to keep writing it. So please, feel free to send me some feedback! Thanks for reading!

FLASHBACKS

She’s always been the one to judge everyone. Sometimes even small things bothered her – details, that didn’t really matter to anyone else. But she found a flaw somewhere and threw it straight into a person’s face. She never cared about possible background stories for those silly little mistakes. All she knew was, that everyone makes a mistake that will be worth talking about.

Little did she know…

***

She woke up after a night of booze binging. Her head was throbbing and she wasn’t able to remember a thing about the previous night. ”Wow, looks like we, once again, had a blast.” She smiled and got up, like she does every Saturday to fill her body up with all the possible hangover remedies she can find. But something wasn’t the way it was supposed to be that morning. She wasn’t able to recognize the room she was in. ”What the fuck?!” Panic started to fill up her chest, her palms started to become sweaty and she wasn’t able to breathe properly. It was sunny outside, and the early summer heat just started to kick in to make her hangover even worse.

The room looked like an ordinary teenage room with lots of posters, a desk filled up with school papers and it was generally quite messy. But she couldn’t recall being there before. Her whole body was sore as if she had gotten into a fight or someone just beat the living hell out of her.

”Fuck. I need something to calm this fucking hangover down.”

She started to search the whole house to find some medication to soothe the awful pain she was in. She blocked out everything else and tried to focus on just finding something as soon as possible. ”The bathroom. Of course. What the hell is wrong with me? All normal people keep their medication stash in the bathroom.”

The intuition led her to the door she felt like she had opened before. Everything was odd and it made her feel insecure and scared.

”OH MY GOD! What is this?!” There he was, her best friend, laying on the floor, crying his eyes out. He was desperately hugging a man, who’s clearly been dead for several hours. ”Fuck. Jake why are you hugging a fucking dead man?”

”This ‘fucking dead man’, you’re referring to, appears to be my FUCKING BOYFRIEND which you BY THE WAY obviously killed last night after he refused to sleep with you!! Just in case you can’t FUCKING REMEMBER!” He wasn’t crying anymore. He was beyond hysterical now.

Anne felt all the blood leave her face. There was a man, whom she never met, laying in a puddle of blood and her best friend (who is obviously gay) has just accused her of murdering his boyfriend.

No, no, NO. I’ve had a rough night, that’s for sure. But I could’ve never killed a man! ”Jake, let’s just calm down and talk about this.”

”What? You want to talk? Tell me the story? I think I remember way more than you do. Max went to get a drink last night when you crashed his party with all those fine drinking buddies of yours who always become your best friends for wasted weekends. You approached him, getting straight to the point with claiming you just want to have sex with him. Of course you freaked out after he’d said no, like you always do when something doesn’t go your way! It seemed like a fucking demon had invaded your body and you weren’t yourself anymore. You started slamming him, using all the boxing knowledge you have. We had to kick you out because you never calmed down. You came back hours later, even more stoned, drunk and aggressive than before! I think we all know what happened afterwards!”

She couldn’t get her head around what she had just heard. It all seemed so impossible even though some flashbacks came running back to her as he was telling the story.

Dreams

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Dreams are a place which makes me forget. It makes me forget that none of this is true. A place where us still exist. There is no you and me.

It’s just us.

I’ve always thought memories help people live and go through a hard time. But then I realized they eat you alive, piece by piece, until you’re completely worn out and you start looking for a way to shut every memory out. Even good memories turn bad and there is nothing left you can lean onto.

I want to believe in love, happiness and trust again. But everyone always manages to prove me that there are no such things left.

I trusted you. We lived through all the lies together and became closer because of them. But happiness couldn’t last. Even for us.

The big bad world stayed but the bubble where everything stayed perfect was gone. ‘’You can’t get hurt if you don’t care.’’ That became my motto. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. Smiling, having fun but not trusting was easy and satisfying at the time. But when you meet new people, you get to know an entire new zone, where you change them and they change you. That was probably the biggest mistake I made. I let myself trust people who managed to break the little pieces I was trying to put back together again. I didn’t realize it until I saw you after all that time. It made me think of the perfect bubble again. I wanted it back, because it was the only place that felt safe at the time.

I started dreaming again. It was easier to imagine a perfect world than to work on making the horrible world a better place. But then I saw your eyes. They didn’t have that special spark anymore. It was all I needed to see that you gave up too. And that was when it hit me. We can’t both give up! There’s always a chance to make things better. And you should know that!

Who knows, maybe we find ourselves in our bubble again someday, just don’t give up yet!

 

He put the letter down. He felt tears go down his face.

The letter came in mail weeks ago. He could recognize that handwriting anywhere. Small and elegant.

The envelope scared him because he was afraid what he might find inside. That’s why he hesitated with opening it. She acted as it was nothing every time they’d see each other, as if she never sent it.

He wanted to know how was it possible that she knew how he felt. After all this time! She deserved better. He messed everything up once and it broke both of them. He’s not capable of fixing himself, so how on Earth can he help her put everything back together so they can have a shot at being happy again? They should stay as far away from each other as possible, think everything over, fix things that are fixable and then maybe give them a chance again.

It was a Friday evening and he promised some friends he’d go out with them since the exams were over and they had three whole months of vacation ahead of them. But after reading her letter, all happiness and enthusiasm left. He felt empty.

He had a strong feeling he’ll fun into her somewhere. She knows him too well, she’ll know that he read the letter. He had to talk to her even though he didn’t want to and he wasn’t strong enough to confront her alone.

But it had to be done.

He grabbed his phone and found her number. It still made him smile.

No. A call would be too personal. So he texted her instead.

Hi. Got your letter. Wanna talk?

He hesitated with pressing send. ‘’It’s now or never.’’ He said to himself and sent the text. He knew he’ll get a quick response because she was that kind of a person who always had their phone in reach.

Not sure. I’ve said it all already.

Please?

Fine. School playground in ten.

OK.

He quickly got ready and ran to the spot. He didn’t want her to wait for him.

But unfortunately, she was the one to wait for him, again. ‘’Oh, I’m waiting for you, again. Well that’s a surprise.’’

She was getting sarcastic. That couldn’t be good.

‘’I’m here early. And I’m pretty sure you were here already when you texted me.’’

‘’Yeah, that’s actually true. I’m sorry.’’ She pointed to the empty spot on the bench next to her. He sat down.

‘’There’s still something innocent about you. Something that reminds me of small kids. And that’s a good thing.’’

She smiled.

‘’Why did it take you so long to actually read the letter? I sent it ages ago.’’ She sure knew how to be blunt.

‘’I was scared I guess. I didn’t want to lose you forever.’’

‘’You lost me a long time ago, you know.’’

‘’What happened to the girl who gives everyone a second chance?’’

‘’She’s still here. You’ve just run out of second chances.’’

‘’I changed, you know. I mean, I’m still pretty messed up, but I’ve never forgotten about you in all this time. I’m still not ready to love anyone again. But when I am, I want you to be the person I fall in love with.’’

‘’Bullshit.’’

‘’Oh Kara, don’t be so stubborn. Just give me one last chance, and I give you one as well. It takes who to ruin a relationship. And I’m not the only messed up person here. We can get through this together.’’

She smiled. And the second he saw that exact smile, everything seemed nice again. Everything was worth it again.

‘’Want some ice cream, asshole?’’

He laughed and pulled her off the bench. ‘’Always.’’

There was hope again. Hope that happiness may exist outside their dreams as well.

 

Walls (Fireworks)

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She thinks of him every time she walks those familiar streets they used to walk together.

Everything was easy at the time. They were young, happy and ambitious about their futures. They like to think they were more mature than their friends, simply because they liked to talk about more complex and long-term things.

And then it blew up. Thinks had been cooking for a long time. And then everything blew into so many pieces it wasn’t fixable anymore. There was shouting, slamming doors but not a single tear. They both knew it was coming but it was a lot to take in at the moment.

”But we can keep being friends! I’ve seen people do it.”

Now she almost burst into a hysterical cry but she somehow managed to keep it together. ”Oh really? You’d like to stay friends? Well guess what, it’s not fucking happening!” And with that, she left. He stayed in his room for a while, not being able to move.

She was gone. Forever. And he fucked everything up. He should’ve thought about stuff he put her through earlier. And of course, they can’t be friends. He wouldn’t be able to forget all those perfect moment he’s never going to be able to experience again.

Thinking about those moments still hurts, seeing him every day is even harder. They never look into each other’s eyes, they don’t even think about saying hello. He wonders what’s going on in her head because she never looks at him, even if she accidentally catches him staring at her.

Politely staring, of course.

She likes to be alone now. The breakup changed her. She used to be a talkative, smiling and a cheerful girl everyone liked to hang out with. Now she has a small circle of friends she hangs out with from time to time, but they actually don’t know anything about her. They just don’t realise it because she became so good at faking happiness, nobody notices how broken she actually is. She doesn’t miss him, but she’s scared to open up to people, because she was hurt very badly all those years back.

Today is one of those days she likes to spend alone in the park. Perfect sunny weather that makes everyone happy is a perfect opportunity to get away from life that’s drifting by and she’s not even living it. Summer is still her favourite part of the year; nothing will ever be able to change that. The park was deserted as usually when she arrived. People don’t really understand the beauty of nature nowadays. She sat on a bench, took a book out of her bag and tried not to think about the amount of work she had to do for university. And then he came. He didn’t look at her. He just sat on the bench like she wasn’t there.

Well yeah, it was awkward, scary and heartbreaking.

‘’Why are you here?’’ She was the one to talk.

‘’I always come here.’’

‘’Then why haven’t I seen you yet? I’ve been coming here for years.’’

‘’You didn’t see me because I didn’t want to be seen. I see you every single time you come here but I never want to interrupt you. This is the only time I see you happy. If we run into each other somewhere else, you wear a smile that is nothing like you. You shouldn’t fake it, you know. And that’s why I always wait till you leave and then I enjoy my peaceful time here. This park is beautiful.’’

She didn’t know what to say.

She was looking across the road at a tall historical building. ‘’You never smile.’’

She still didn’t look at him and she figured he was looking somewhere else as well, because he shifted on the bench and remained silent.

‘’We fucked up all those years ago, you know.’’ Now she looked at him, and he was looking deeply into her eyes.

‘’We really did. I wish I could take so many things I did back.’’

‘’Well you can’t, and I can’t either. I just want to know why you never said hi in all those years.’’

‘’It was too hard; I kept looking back to those days. Everything still seems so perfect, I don’t want to ruin those memories with a fight.’’

‘’Me too. Me too.’’

They both got up and walked into different directions. This was the final goodbye they both waited for.

‘’Hey Laura…’’

She turned around. ‘’Yes?’’

‘’Maybe I’ll finally be able to break all those walls and mine fields I’ve built to protect myself.’’

She smiled and left.

Circles

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It was an early Monday morning. I’ve been looking at her ever since she came into the classroom. She looked different lately. Tired.

She’s always been the one who kept everyone up. The one who kept telling us everything would be just fine. That we’ll manage to get through. But now she kept to herself for most of the time and I barely ever heard her talk.

I think everyone knows there’s something wrong but we’re too afraid to say anything, to face the reality because if she’s the one who lost all hope then we’ll start sinking as well because we’ll have nobody to keep us up.

She always smiled when you’d ask her something and then answer. She believed smiling is an universal way of saying thank you or I love you.

”Hey Simon, do you have any idea what’s up with Danielle?” his smile faded. Of course he knew something was up, but he’s been to afraid to bring it up just like we all were. Someone has to talk to her though. If we don’t do anything, things will get worse. And then we won’t be able to help anymore.

I managed to get enough courage to walk to her desk. ”How are you doing Danielle?” Stupid question, I know but I couldn’t come up with anything better.

”Fine.”

”No, I’m serious. How are you doing? You don’t look happy lately.”

”We just all walk around in circles.”

And she left.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

”Hey, wait up!” but she didn’t come back. Not when the bell rang, not till the end of the lesson, not by the end of the day. I shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe she just needs time to deal with her problems. We should stay out of it.

”Hey Dan, what did Danielle say when you talked to her earlier today?” people kept asking me that for the rest of the day. And some of them tried talking to her in the past weeks as well. They all got that same answer.

I saw it on the news the next day. ”A 17 year old girl, found on the stadium. Had a mental and physical breakdown.”

We should’ve done something.

I love you (Part one)

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He looked beautiful again.

She was standing in the corner of the classroom watching him. He was surrounded by a group of friends, laughing and enjoying every single second of his perfect life.

Girls were sitting in their popular circle laughing at everyone who walked by. She never liked them. They thought life was perfect. That they could have everything and everyone. They think they’re popular! Oh, they aren’t even close to that!

She looked at Tom again. And he was looking at her with a small sparkle in his eyes and a shy smile that showed his perfect teeth. She wanted to smile back but she didn’t. He would’ve never looked at her the way she wanted him to. He’s just being polite to everyone. That’s why he keeps smiling and makes her fall in love with him more and more every day.

The bell rang and the teacher came into the classroom a few minutes later. Tanya sits alone in the front row in all classes. She has no friends because everyone thinks she’s weird. She has her own style and people don’t like that. She doesn’t care. She likes her life the way it is.

The class was even more boring than usually. Mrs Webber kept talking about world war two, even though she knew nobody was actually listening to her. People were doing their homework for the next class, reading or simply looking out the window. Something was different today. The class lasted for about fifteen minutes when the teacher freaked out. She yelled and threatened that she’s going to fail them all. They knew none of the shit she was talking is true so they kept doing nothing.

She was grateful when the school day finally ended. She left her books in the locker and walked out of the school gate. Her thoughts were on the lunch she’ll be preparing when she gets home. But she was interrupted by Tom, who accidentally bumped into her.

”I’m so, so sorry!” he apologised. ”Oh, Tanya it’s you. I’m really sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Tanya smiled. ”It’s okay.” The feeling that he actually knew her name gave her butterflies.

”You going home?” Tom asked. ”Yes, of course. Do I look like I want to spend additional time in school or in the library?”

He laughed. ”No, of course not. Can I walk you home?”

She couldn’t believe this was happening. The most beautiful guy in the whole school wants to walk her home. Is she dreaming?

They continued the route home. She lived about twenty minutes away from school and for the first time ever, she wished she lived even further away.

She was walking home with her dream guy and she started to get the feeling that he actually likes her.

Life

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She wakes up and looks through the window. It’s still dark outside, everyone is enjoying their last hours of a good night rest. But she has been woken up by a horrible sickness again. A reminder of life she used to live. The life which made her forget about her body.

Not a day goes by without wishing for another chance. She would take care of herself, drink and smoke less, do self breast exams regularly. It would’ve saved her life. Her days without worrying had ended when she sensed something’s not right with her left breast.

Her life had broken into two pieces after three weeks of waiting for that important letter with her faith written in it. She didn’t want to party anymore. Or drink and smoke. She only wanted to see the word curable in that letter. But there wasn’t anything optimistic written there.

Cancer, not curable.

It hit her in that moment.

”I’ll be dead in a few months.” she said to herself.

She knew she has to live every single day like it’s her last. Because she could be gone anytime. But she didn’t find the strength to live fully when her body was still capable of that. She spent her last days alone, inside even though she could still go out and enjoy the beauties of nature. She didn’t find the strength to tell her friends what’s going on. She knew they would make everything easier with their smiles and a sparkle of life in their eyes. But she couldn’t do it. Because they kept telling her that she should live healthier and take care of herself. She didn’t listen.

But now she wishes she did. She wishes she never lighted that first cigarette or drank all those alcoholic drinks which didn’t make her feel better even for a moment. Because then, maybe she wouldn’t have to go through all this.

She wouldn’t have to die alone.

 

So this was written in Slovene for some kind of a contest in the first place but I decided to do my best and translate it.

And this is dedicated to Rob. Thank you for everything.

Pain

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It’s been unbareable.

I know what it feels to have a broken arm. But I’ve never felt what it feels like to be broken inside.

Everyone around me is so happy, happy to be alive. Happy to have something to live for.

I used to be such a happy person, living for the moment and not caring what everyone else thinks.

I lived for my own life. So now I keep asking myself what happened to my life if I have nothing left to live for?

I’d rather have a broken arm than this feeling that’s been eating me alive for such a long time.

Life sucks if you have nothing worth living for.

Untitled

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This is completely fictional and has nothing to do with my life.

When I look back to the years of happiness and optimism, I always remember you. You are the memory of something I never wanted. The definition of rejection. You were never more than a friend to me and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like we’re something more. We never were. You’re amazing, funny, kind and everything. But I’ll never be able to look at you and think: ‘’Oh, you’re the perfect guy for me.’’ Because you’re not. You’ll be perfect for someone else and she’ll love you the way you’ll love her. I’ve told you this before. I’m sorry you understood me like I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. I missed you. Every single day for the past three years. Because you’re such an optimistic guy and I need more people like you in my life.

Why did you come back after all this time? I still feel the same way about you.

I wish you felt the same too.

High school photographs

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She’s never been popular in high school. She likes being the quiet one with only a few best friends.

People in her high school probably don’t know she exists because she never talks to anyone unless she really has to. She’s just an ordinary teenager with big dreams and no motivation to make them come true.

She likes spending her free lessons in the school cafeteria. People who come and go are her source of inspiration for photography. She has the ability to transfer human emotions into photographs of nature.

People are extremely hard to understand. Nature hugs you with its kindness all the time and all what people do is bitch about you behind your back.

Her thoughts are interrupted by sharp loud laugh coming from the hall. She knows exactly who’ll be entering the lunch room any second. The sound of that laugh makes her sick every single time she hears it. Those three girls laugh all the time for no reason at all just to get attention from everyone in the room. They think they’re pretty with their over powdered faces and Halloween makeup. But when they’re seen without their makeup they are hardly recognisable and simply ugly. Makeup makes them look ‘attractive’ to dumb boys and even uglier to everyone else.

She tries to catch what Tanya, Sally and Lisa are talking about today. She can only hear a few words but it looks like they’re discussing their usual topic. Boys. Lisa is trying to seduce a guy she’s training with but it’s not going too well. So the other two are filling her with advices.

She could swear she heard the word sex. It didn’t surprise her. Having sex when you’re fifteen is something normal for a girl like Lisa.

She tries to focus on another table now. She can hear those girls more clearly because they aren’t even trying to talk quietly. Like most girls in their year, Melinda, Belle and Anne are talking about Sally and her gang. “I just wish I could have so many guys fighting over me like they do.˝ Melinda said desperately. Nobody is able to understand Melinda. She’s always trying to look like an angel in front of teachers but she’s always being bitchy to everyone else. She wanted to beat up a girl just because she said: “Melinda, you’re just a mean bitch trying to be in the centre of attention all the time!˝ Melinda freaked out and wanted to break that poor girl’s face. But her friends stopped her with the words: “You’re so much better than her. She’s not worth it.˝ Sally and Belle should let Melinda go years ago. They’re being so nice to her even though she’s a bitch towards them all the time.

A girl walking like a penguin joined the boys’ table in the back of the cafeteria. Julie is known as the school bully. Nobody’s actually afraid of her but nobody wants to mess with her either.  She hangs out with boys only because she thinks girls aren’t good enough to be her friends. To be honest, nobody wants to be friends with her because she’s physically bullying everyone.

Samantha feels like she has enough inspiration for today and goes straight to her usual spot still disgusted with everything going on in her school. She’s always happy to be in nature with her camera and little creatures living their quiet lives in the dark brown leaves on the ground of the woods.

She was watching the yellow and red leaves falling off the trees when a boy from her school calmly interrupted her and sat down besides her. “What are you doing today beautiful?˝ he asked after laying down on his jacket and making himself comfortable. “And who are you again?˝ asked Samantha with a confused look on her face.

“I’m David. I’ve seen you staring at people in the school lunch room sometimes. And then I’ve randomly discovered you here while walking around the woods. You’re Samantha right?˝ she was getting annoyed with him and his cocky voice. But then she noticed a camera in his right hand and he seemed nicer straight away.

“Do you take photos?˝

He smiled and answered: “Yeah, at least I’m trying to.˝

After a long talk it seemed like they have a lot in common and they just clicked. He is the first nice guy she met in a while.

I miss you

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I miss your warm smile and your big brown eyes full of excitement every time they spotted me coming off a train. I miss your laugh and your jokes which weren’t funny at all. And I miss you.

Dear diary,

I met him about a year ago. In a summer camp where we were both volunteering. And I’ve always had a thing for guys who love kids. He was so shy when I met him. I asked questions and he answered only with yes or no. Sometimes not even with that. He’d just nod his head and avoid eye contact. I almost gave up on him after a few days. It felt like he didn’t want me in his life. So I just took care of kids. Did my job at the camp. But I missed him even though I’ve known him only for a week.

I noticed the way he was looking at me sometimes when he thought I was too busy doing something else. He thought I wouldn’t notice anything. Those moments made me realise he cares but he’s too shy to show it.

I was broken inside. I convinced myself I’m not capable of love anymore. But everything felt right with him. We spent the last week of the summer camp having fun with little kids and talking to each other. But we talked about random stuff only. We were both too afraid to reveal our secrets. The camp ended with us knowing nothing about each other.

Our small talks continued online. We met in the city he lives in a few weeks after the camp with a few other friends. And Rob was so different. He laughed a lot. And he talked so much he barely ever shut up. I loved him like that and it made me feel happy because I was sure I had something to do with his sudden happiness. He changed me too. My friends noticed I started to smile a lot. I never told them anything about Rob.

The next time we spent a day together was when he and his friend Lee came to visit the small town I live in. Every time Rob wasn’t listening, Lee would whisper to me: “Debbie, he really likes you!˝ It did feel nice and cute that he was making plans with me. He was thinking of places we should visit together. But I didn’t believe Lee. How could someone like Rob like me, he deserves someone better.

The summer was perfect. I wished it could last forever. Because hanging out with him became such a wonderful thing. He was the best thing that happened to me that summer.

September arrived too quickly for us. I was starting to go to a new school that fall, he was in his fourth year of high school. We never found the time to talk anymore. I felt empty. Nothing seemed to matter as much as it did with him around. I was studying three hours a day so I could pass my exams. I don’t know what he was doing. We never talked. Maybe he missed me, maybe he didn’t.

We saw each other in person only once in ten months. He didn’t look so happy anymore. He looked like a piece of him was missing. But I wasn’t able to deal with all that. It was too much. When April arrived I felt like I was going to blow up because of all the pressure and stress. So I cut everyone out for three months and tried to focus on studying so I could pass my exams. Which I did. But I was so exhausted after everything I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed a break. So I didn’t talk to anyone for another month. My body had to get back its strength.

I miss him so much. School is about to end and I don’t know what this next summer means for us. I didn’t know what to do when he sent me this text:

I miss our talks. I miss the person who I was with you.

I realised he’s the missing piece my life needs. But he’ll never know that. He’s too good for me.

I miss you so much. But you deserve better.

Blog #27

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Hello there, it’s been almost a month!

How are you, what’s up, what’s new, how are you holding up?

I have to say I’ve had a pretty much amazing month so far. You know the feeling of waking up in the morning and instantly feeling happy? Excited about what the day ahead of you has to offer? Yes, that! (One of the first things I think about when I wake up is also food, so that might contribute to the good mood? Haha)

No but really.

I’ve been seeing more and more pictures of the 100 happy days project all around the social networks. I have checked the whole thing out and it’s great. It’s great if you’re able to see the optimism even in the worst days. It can help you discover the pure awesomeness of life and just being here. BUT. You have to learn to see that even without having to document it each and every day for ONE HUNDRED days in a row. What’ll happen when that ends? You’ll stop thinking about what makes you happy and simply return to the dull life you’ve had before you started the whole thing. There is a high chance that you’ll be miserable because you’ll feel like there’s nothing left to hold on to. You’ll feel like there are only tens, hundreds, thousands of negative things facing you on a daily basis.

PLEASE keep in mind that life is awesome. No matter how negative, stressful and hard it can get. It’s awesome. Because each and every day offers you a chance to be the better version of yourself than you were yesterday. Do you feel like everything you’ve done today has gone wrong?

SO WHAT?! You can’t fix the things that are done already. What you can do is take a deep breath and look ahead. What can you change tomorrow? What can you do in order to see the same situation in a different way the next time it comes along?

It starts here. It starts at the point where you realise you have so many things to be happy about without having to constantly remind yourself about them. It becomes something natural. You’re happy and you don’t even have any idea why. You just are. And people can sense that, because it’s so much easier to be around people who constantly smile, than next to people who can’t get enough of the misery they think they’re in.

*

In other news, the weather finally improved itself! I was able to go running for the first time this week. The neighbour’s dog joined me for the whole route and the poor little thing was barely able to keep up! Haha. I also made dinner for the family and I’m super stoked to have a nice, quiet evening in.

I’m super stoked about next Friday! It’s the Friday before the last spring break we get in high school so me and my great class mates are going out for a dinner and out on a party afterwards! Such an awesome way to relax after a stressful month and prepare for a month of hard core studying for finals.

Happy Easter! I wish you a lot of awesome food and good times with the family!

xoxo
P

 

Currently listening: Imagine Dragons
Currently reading:  the Guardian
Currently watching:  /
Quote of the day: 

Blog #26

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Current mood: somewhere between happy/excited/stressed/hyper/tired/eager/scared.

Yes. That makes absolutely no sense at all. Haha.

What’s been going on lately? People have started stressing about finals. The finals at the end of high school that pretty much decide if we’ll get into the university we want or not.

It’s March. The finals are in June.

I have to admit, I did have a few very bad days regarding them this week. Because people have started putting so much stress to them, like there’s only A WEEK left until it all starts and they won’t have enough time to study. So here’s the thing people: THE MORE you stress about it, THE MORE you’ll have to study in order to feel safe about sitting the exams. It’s not like those tests require all those fucking details we mentioned in the last four years. THEY DO NOT.

I’m not in ‘the academic elite’ of our class. And this is the time when I’m actually glad I’m not. Because I realised how much knowledge I still have and I feel proud of myself. After being sofuckingterriblystressed for a few days because of everyone whining about these fucking five exams, I realised this: each and every one of us is still able to master all the basics we have to know there. And you know how do I know this? Because guys, you’re in the fucking final year in one of the hardest schools in the country. You’re getting straight A-s (or maybe B-s or C-s it doesn’t matter). Things we’re doing in regular classes are so much harder, they demand so much more effort. And you still manage to do it!

That’s why I hope you can bare this in mind: there’s still time. There’s time to make up for everything you lost over the years or never managed to learn. Take it easy because stress won’t do you any good. The week of all the exams is going to be stressful enough. Don’t be too hard on yourself for the remaining 68 days (yes, the English exam is in 68 days).

YOU CAN DO IT and YOU WILL DO IT!

*

I’m happy!

I’m happy because the summer is nearing with immense speed.

I’m happy that I run because I want to run, not because I feel obliged to.

I’m happy that I can take my best friend out for a cake not matter how many times a week and not feel bad about it at all.

I’m happy that I have two proms coming up in the next couple of weeks.

I’m happy that I get up every day with a smile on my face and with genuine excitement about what the day is going to bring.

I’m happy that I know so many amazing people.

And I’m fucking stoked to demolish all the obstacles and shove the remains in so many people’s faces!

xoxo
P

Currently listening: One Direction (HAHA)
Currently reading:  And then there were none
Currently watching:  The Fosters
Quote of the day: 

Here. Have some coffee!

And well, this:

Blog #25

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Wow what a month it’s been so far!

So many things are finally moving in the way I want them to and I finally feel like I can achieve something on my own. All those talks of people telling me I can’t do something, that I’m not capable of doing it (either not smart enough or just unable to). It’s going away. Because I managed to prove so much to myself in the last few months.

Restriction, courage, perseverance, forgiveness, letting go, going beyond the limits of the mind and body, going beyond the capabilities you think you have.

It’s tough. But I extended my life and thoughts so much beyond the school life that takes up most of my days. It’s getting stressful. More stressful than ever because I have an exam ahead of me that is going to be so hard to pass. I feel like I know absolutely nothing for the first time in years. But you know what? This one is going to be for all those who either dared to call me stupid or just not good enough in this area. Even if I get a terrible grade. I just have to pass it and it’ll be good enough this time. It’ll be like a FUCK YOU straight to all those motherfuckers who have to put others down in order to feel like they are more capable. (WOOOW so many bad words in one sentence haha).

And that’s the point. Expecting a lot but not too much. Going beyond a limit but not to the breaking point. The further we go, the more we grow. But personal growth without mistakes is IMPOSSIBLE. Really, really impossible.

I’m not the kind of person to regret things I do.

It’s not the carpe diem thing, but I think everything happens for a reason. We’re meant to get hurt in order to learn how we don’t want to be treated. We have to be punished for certain things in order to try harder the next time. We have to fail in order to get up and come back stronger.

But there is one fucking thing I think I’ll probably regret for the rest of my life. Not a day for more than a year has gone by without this rushing through my mind. I screwed up big time and even tried to apologise (several times over the time I think). The thing is nothing can be fixed anymore. That’s the one thing in my life I would do differently if I had the chance to turn back time.

Seems like a pretty good life if that’s all I’d change, huh? Haha.

But really. They say you win some and you lose some. Losing some people just isn’t fucking worth it. Try, try, try and try. Don’t let it slip through your fingers because you can find yourself regretting it for the rest of your life.

*

In other news. HELLO SPRING!

It’s so much easier to get up so early in the morning because you know the days are getting longer, warmer and sunnier!

I started running again! AAAND (wait for it) decided to take up yoga!

Haha even saying that makes me laugh. Me, the girl who’s all about the quick lifestyle, quick sports and basically just being around people so it doesn’t get to quiet decides to start doing yoga.

We’ll see how that goes. Haha.

Have a great weekend everyone. And in the sense of the peaceful yoga: I hope you find your inner peace and time to relax. (and drink coffee in peace. That’s VERY important!)

This blog has gone terribly wrong. Haha. Bye!

P

Currently listening: Blitz Kids
Currently reading:  The murder on the Orient express
Currently watching:  The Fosters
Word of the day: scarcely
Quote of the day: 

 

Interview with Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat

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Here it is.

The interview with Jack and Alex themselves. I worked really hard to get here and it’s nice to see some of the hard work finally started paying off. People keep asking me how I got this interview. You know how? With years of hard work (which was super fun for most of the time!).

I am aware that the quality of the video itself is terrible. I will bare in mind to hire someone to film everything for me and then edit it the next time. I obviously SUCK at it.

I hope you enjoy the interview itself, we had a laugh so I hope it at least makes you smile.

Blog #24

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Hi!

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update of what’s been going on this week.

Yes, this was my winter break week when I was supposed to do loads and loads of school work but ended up doing absolutely nothing.

We get back to school on Monday and I have two super important tests that week but nothing seems to be getting to me to start studying for real. I’ve been flicking through hundreds and hundreds of German words but the amount of the ones I actually memorised is minimal. Haha. I even don’t want to start on English. We had an exam like two weeks ago or something, and have the next one on Friday. Whaaat? And it’ll be based on environment vocabulary and shit like that. This topic makes me want to puke. Seriously. We all know we have to recycle and all that. We’re the generation that’s been bombarded with this since the very beginning so I’m pretty sure everyone’s learned SOMETHING by now. So why keep fussing about it in every single school subject?

Recycle, reduce, reuse, umweltfreundlich, mit Wasser sparen, ločevanje bioloških odpadkov. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Just stop it.

I’m getting to the part everyone’s probably the most excited to read about. Haha. All Time Low, Vienna, 27.2.2014

The interview happened after all. You have no idea how nice everyone was to me. I heard so many rumours how arrogant Alex is supposed to be and how grumpy most of the crew members get. Not true at all! I was interviewing Alex and Jack and they are so down to earth, they keep joking about everything and are gradually just super nice. Their new tour manager Matt is also super nice, not grumpy or anything. He needs to get shit done, of course. But other than that he’s just a normal dude.

The rest of the crew doesn’t have the reputation of the best rock band crew on the planet for nothing. They work, but have so much fun at the same time. I was watching the concert from side stage, where most of the magic happens so that the show can go on without any problems. It’s a completely different world! They joke around, throw guitar picks from one side to the other, dance, sing along the lyrics, but most importantly, they sure as hell know what they’re doing.

Cassadee Pope is the cutest and nicest girl you can ever meet. You can’t even imagine how proudly she kept looking at Rian, and when she went on stage to sing Remembering Sunday, the tables turned. Rian was just standing still, with that look: I’m so proud of you and I just love you so much. They are the cutest couple ever! (I even heard Cass talking to Zack about how much she likes to do pilates! Haha)

I’m hoping to post the interview soonish. But I just uploaded it to my computer (finally, yes) and the quality is horrible! The interview itself went great and even though it’s not my best work, I’m proud of myself that I even managed to get it. I never froze like I was scared I would and I feel like it was the start of everything. On the other hand, the technical view of the video is terrible. I’m scared to upload it just because all people are going to be looking at is how terrible it’s filmed and not what us three are actually saying in it. So yes, it has a very bittersweet taste at the moment. We’ll see what happens.

Cheers!

P

P.S.: Today marks the first day of meteorological spring!

Currently listening: Blitz Kids
Currently reading:  Hamlet (or at least that’s what I should be doing)
Currently watching:  The spectacular now
Word of the day: chanting
Photo of the day: 

all time low, 27.2

Blog #23

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To je to.

Šest mesecev planiranja, preračunavanja, razmišljanja o tem, kako bo prav, prerekanja zaradi različnih interesov, na drugi strani pa povezovanja med seboj na nivoju, na katerem se nekateri niso povezali v štirih letih.

Šest mesecev za tistih pičlih šest ur.

Ampak še kako vrednih je bilo tistih šest mesecev! In skepticizma še par ur pred maturantskim plesom. Prav spomnim se, da sem (ne vem pa komu) rekla, da nisem več prepričana, kako bo vse skupaj uspelo, ker smo vsi samo tekali naokrog, brez da bi dejansko kdo vedel, kaj mora biti pred prihodom gostov še narejeno. Na koncu smo pa seveda, ajevci takšni kot pač smo, za vse pripravili en odličen večer, zase pa nepozaben maturantski ples.

Vse je klikalo na pravih mestih in gledanje nasmejanih obrazov od maturantov, staršev, profesorjev, voditelja in vseh ostalih je bilo neprecenljivo.

Hvala torej najboljšim sošolcem, soplesalcu (ki je pristal na plesanje z mano, kljub temu, da je bila sprememba last minute), družini, Radotu, Jerneju in Janiju ter vsem ostalim! (:

(Še instagram hashtagi so ratali!!)

Zdaj pa veselo naprej. Že v sredo grem v Ljubljano, v četrtek pod novinarskim okriljem na Dunaj poslušat All Time Low. Vse se končno poklapa tako, kot se bi moralo.

Del o količini šolskega dela, ki me čaka čez počitnice bom raje zamolčala, ker se tokrat s tem ne mislim ukvarjat. Pasivno že, aktivno pa definitivno ne. Tokrat bodo to zaslužene počitnice.

Dejstvo o maturi leži nekje v ozadju, ampak glede na to, kakšnih nekaj mesecev nas vse skupaj čaka, vam priporočam, da si oddahnete. For the sake of yourself! Polaganje pritiska nase v takšni meri, kot se to dogaja med najhujšim testnim obdobjem vam ne bo pomagalo absolutno nikakor. Kvečjemu le pri tem, da bodo vaše baterije po počitnicah le še bolj prazne, od česar pa bo šlo z začetkom stresa le še navzdol. Naredite nekaj zase. Samo zase. Pazite na predšolske otroke, če vas veselijo njihova nenehna ‘zakaj’ vprašanja; pojdite na sprehod in občudujte zgodnje spomladansko vreme; pojdite na kavo/čaj/pivo z nekom, ki vam veliko pomeni, ali z nekom, ki si ga resnično želite videti; zavrtite si tisto pesem, ki vam je tako zelo dobra, pa vas je tega sram priznati pred družbo, ker je izvajalec tako zelo spran/mainstream/grozen.

Če boste ves čas gledali le na druge, boste izgubili tisti del sebe, ki vas dela drugačne. Del, na katerega bi morali biti NAJBOLJ ponosni. Čeprav vas dela čudne. Čudnost zna biti še kako dobrodošla in predvsem pozitivna. Cenite se in uživajte ta en teden! Tisti, ki pa žal te enotedenske pavze ne dobite, pa poskušajte najti vsaj nekaj časa za zgoraj našteto, ker je še kako pomembno, tudi če se tega morda ne zavedate!

 

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: All time low
Trenutno berem: Angels and demons
Trenutno gledam: še zadnje dele zimskih olimpijskih iger
Citat dneva:

Don’t tell me that I can’t, cause you never did.

Foto dneva:

Downloads2

Blog #22

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Evo. Končno spet novi post.

Ogromno se dogaja, večina stvari se odvija v pravo smer.

Vesela sem.

Vesela sem, ker sem danes oddala prijavo na fakulteto. Čeprav vem, da bo za to, da bom dejansko sprejeta potrebnega še ogromno dela. Ampak sprejela sem odločitev, odgovornost katere bom pozneje prevzela nase. In to je to pri izbiri študija. Odgovornost. Odgovornost za to, če se boš odločil prav, ali ne. Kaj se bo zgodilo, če boš na polovici študija ugotovil, da si storil največjo napako v svojem življenju. Težko je, če si navajen, da imaš vedno vse v piko splanirano in se tega plana striktno držiš. Noben študij ni popoln. Tako kot ni niti popolnega poklica. To, kar imaš rad moraš sprejeti skupaj z vsemi pomanjkljivostmi in ovirami, ki se pojavijo na poti.

Odgovornost folk. To je to. Ne uno, ”nimam pojma, kaj bi rad”.

V petek je maturantski ples! Končno. Po vseh prepirih, delanju na zadnji rok, stresu pri iskanju popolne obleke in vsega ostalega, s čimer se dekleta pri tem ukvarjamo, bo sestavljanka končno popolna in bo prinesla tisto noč, na katero čakamo že celo šolsko leto. Komaj čakam na vse. Od odlične hrane, plesanja celo noč (uradnega in neuradnega seveda!), fotkanja, druženja s sošolci (upam, da vse skupaj na koncu ne izpade preveč sentimentalno. This is not the end!) in tega, da bomo družinam pokazali kaj smo sposobni ustvariti sami. Da nismo samo gimnazijci, ki niso sposobni ničesar drugega, kot guljenja šolskih klopi (če smo iskreni, je to stvar, ki jo še najtežje opravljamo).

Kot sem omenila že v prejšnjem blogu, letos maske padajo hitreje kot prejšnja leta. Zato je povsem enostavno najti ljudi, ki so vredni časa in za seboj pustiti tiste, ki so sposobni laganja v obraz, ker ne morejo ugotoviti, da poznaš celotno resnico.

Naslednji teden grem po dolgem času spet na Dunaj. Pogrešam že to čarobno avstrijsko mesto, ki me vedno znova očara s čudovitostjo starega mestnega jedra in prijaznostjo svojih prebivalcev. Koncerti so v tem trenutku ena stvar, ki mi resnično manjka. Tisti dve uri, ko obstaja samo sedaj. Ko ni sekiranja za to, kaj se je zgodilo včeraj, pred enim tednom, mesecem, letom. In ni razmišljanja o opravkih, ki te čakajo naslednji dan. Je samo glasba, uživanje in ljudje, za katere vidiš, da v tistem trenutku ne bi bili raje nikjer drugje, kot tam, kjer so.  Vedno ko imam kakšen kvaliteten pogovor o res dobri glasbi, se zavem, kako močno mi manjka tisti najlepši del vsega tega. Dan, ko se zjutraj zbudiš in se sploh ne zavedaš, kako nora izkušnja te čaka. Ko hitiš, da ujameš vse vlake/buse, da do tam prideš. Čakanje v takšni gužvi, ki si jo lahko zamislijo samo redni obiskovalci koncertov v mrazu ali vročini. Tveganje, da te pohodijo, udarijo. Ampak štiri, pet ur stanja pred dvorano mine hitreje kot tretjina šolske ure matematike.

Če vse o čemer je trenutno govora v povezavi z naslednjim tednom uspe, ne bo to popoln zaključek uspešnega meseca na osebnem področju, temveč tudi ogromen korak v želeno karierno smer. Več o tem pa naslednjič. (:

Imejte se radi!

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: We are the in crowd
Trenutno berem: psihologijapsihologijapsihologija
Trenutno gledam: Straight to DVD
Citat dneva:

You’re a hard act to follow
So I stare down this empty bottle
But there’s no message at the bottom

Blog #21

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Ob vsem premetavanju številk zaradi (še vedno nesmiselnega) učenja matematike tekom tega vikenda (in poslušanja o nemogočih vremenskih razmerah ter opazovanju le-teh skozi  okno), se mi je zahotelo po normalnem druženju z glasbo in premetavanjem črk.

Itak, gimnazijci jutri ne bomo doma. Ker je ostajanje nad slovenskim povprečjem močno bolj pomembno od tega, če bodo jutri lahko vsi prišli v šolo, ali če bo čez noč neštetokrat vrglo ven elektriko in bomo jutri uživali v (prijetnem) mrazu, med že tako ali tako hladnimi gimnazijskimi zidovi (pa ne govorim samo o temperaturah).

Vesela sem, da je vreme bolj kot ne zdržalo vsaj še petek. H V A L A vsem, ki ste si rezervirali petkov večer in zažurali za najino osemnajstko. Čeprav je bilo praznovanje za eno skoraj dva meseca prepozno, za drugo pa prezgodaj, se je vse izteklo tako, da se boljše skoraj ne bi moglo.

Hvala vam za buteljko najljubšega vina, za vse rezervirane komade, plese, smehe, fotke, objeme, predstavljene nove ljudi, lepe želje…!

Hvala predvsem vsem najljubšim sošolcem, brez vas ta petek nikakor ne bi bil tako fenomenalen!

*

Všeč mi je smer, v katero se razvija leto 2014. Maske so začele padati bolj zgodaj, kot je to v navadi. Drastične spremembe se dogajajo s takšno hitrostjo, da poti nazaj ne bo nikoli več. Saj veste, kako pravijo: You win some, you lose some. Včasih so te spremembe naravnane v tako negativno smer, da jih nikakor ne moreš sprejeti. Čeprav se trudiš. Just for the sake of it. For the sake of everything. Ampak enostavno ne gre. Ker veš, da je v nasprotju s tvojimi načeli, in morda celo v nasprotju z načeli drugega. Vsak išče izhod iz črne luknje na svoj način. Nekateri ga najdejo v tem, da se zakopljejo še globlje.

Pogosto mi kdo reče, da se preveč sekiram. Za vse. Sekiranje je eden izmed indikatorjev, da mi za nekaj ni vseeno. Velikokrat si želim, da se ne bi niti približno toliko sekirala, za ljudi (in stvari), ki tega niso vredni (vredne). Toda tako je. Sekiranje je del mene, ker mi dejansko ni vseeno za večino vsega, kar me obdaja.

Zato je toliko hujše, ko enkrat dosežem fazo, kjer mi je POPOLNOMA vseeno zato, kaj se zgodi. Takrat več ni poti nazaj. Najhujši del vsega je, ko se do zgodi pri odnosih in se potem na tisoč in en način trudim, da bi osebo sprejela nazaj. Toda ne gre. Če skrb za dober odnos predolgo prihaja iz samo ene strani, je to inevitable. Dobesedno.

Letos mi gre boljše pri tem, da stvari, ki niso vredne ničesar, lažje pustim mimo. Najbrž gre zahvala predvsem temu, da so ljudje nehali delati p*zdarije pod krinko.

Upam, da vas čim prej odmrzne! (:

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: You me at six
Trenutno berem: Kralj na Betajnovi
Trenutno gledam:
Citat dneva: 

Blog #20

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Here’s to the rest of us.

A quick update of everything that’s been going on:

I got my driver’s license last week.

I’m getting more and more excited for prom, because it’s going to be AWESOME.

The people you have the best opinion about are usually the ones to come and disappoint you the most.

It’s really hard to keep quiet when you know someone’s lying straight to your face.

Winter sucks and I want summer (alongside with shorts, t-shirts, dresses and converse shoes!) back.

I stopped drinking coffee! Tomorrow is the two week mark without it!

I still haven’t watched Wolf of Wall street. Not even sure I want to, since it’s SO FUCKING LONG.

I’m seeing All Time Low and my favourite people so soon! Who’s coming to Vienna on the 27th? (:

 

But yes.

Here’s to the rest of us who still believe it’s better to be honest (no matter how much it hurts) than to keep lying.

Here’s to the rest of us who still think enjoying junk food is a pure pleasure.

Here’s to the rest of us who believe there’s so much more to life than just thinking inside the box and striving for one and one thing only.

Here’s to the rest of us who still believe smile is the best cure.

Here’s to the rest of us who think that calling something ‘experience’ is just a camouflage for MISTAKES.

 

Please remember to appreciate the ones close to you, even when you’d want them to just piss off. They are the driving force behind everything.

Cheers!

Currently listening: You me at six
Currently reading:  Diamond as big as the Ritz
Currently watching: Pretty little liars
Word of the day: intriguing
Quote of the day: 

Blog #19

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Another year, another month, another week, another day.

Does it ever really change? Do we ever really learn how to embrace change and see it as something positive?

It’s always the same. Something different crosses our routine-like path and we instantly think: no, stop. That’s not alright.

Because it FORCES us to get out of our comfort zones. Who doesn’t like to get up in the morning and know exactly what their day is going to be like? It’s boring as hell, but the thought of something permanent is so welcoming. And that’s why we’re always so scared of everything new. Nobody’s open-minded anymore. That’s the biggest problem of today’s society. We’re so stuck up in this world where being socially successful and the best in your work field is an absolute must, that we’re never ready to put ourselves in front of others anymore.

When was the last time when you went out for a walk, just because you wanted to? Not because you read somewhere that you have to, or because you felt like you just need to lose weight? Or when was the last time when you sat down and read a good book FOR YOURSELF? Not for school, work or anything else.

We keep forgetting that we live OUR lives for OURSELVES. Not for others. Because in the end, that’s the only person you can fully rely on without having any second thoughts. Instead of trusting ourselves, we keep looking for mistakes that don’t exist and look for terrible excuses when something doesn’t go our way. WHY? Why not accept that our personality is the way it is? Or change something if we really don’t like it? (Change it because of ourselves only, of course).

Because the society keeps showing us this ‘ideal’ picture of everything. Perfect body, boyfriend, profession, friends etc. I’m telling you, it’s not worth it. You’ll realise it sooner or later. You can’t love anyone fully until you love yourself the way you are. The whole world can fully believe in you, but until you’re able to do that yourself, nothing is going to change.

 

*

Enough with the moral shit.

It’s supposed to start snowing on Friday. Nope, I’m not happy with that AT ALL. It’s going to get cold again and I just got used to the fact that mornings are as warm as in spring. It does suck that we had a green Christmas (again), but other than that, I just want the HOT summer back.

30 days left until prom (I got the perfect dress for it!)

36 days left until the All Time Low concert.

94 days until the start of spring break.

104 days until the first final exam.

Here’s reality striking to how quickly this year is going to go by. Make each and every day count. You never know what’s going to happen and push you out of the little box you created for yourself.

 

xoxo
P

Currently listening: The Maine
Currently reading:  Hamlet
Currently watching: Despicable me
Word of the day: inept
Quote of the day: 

Blog #18

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To je to. Leto je šlo še enkrat naokoli, spet smo pri raznoraznih spraševanjih o tem, če je bilo dobro ali ne.

Prej kot rečete, da ste imeli slabo leto, se poskušajte spomniti vseh dobrih trenutkov. Čeprav se vam zdi, da morda neuspehi vedno pretehtajo nad tistimi čudovitimi trenutki uspeha, zadovoljstva, prijateljstva, ljubezni, mi verjemite, da temu ni tako. Nikoli ne bo šlo vse tako, kot si boste zamislili. Ker tako enostavno ne gre. Od vas pa je odvisno kako boste na to gledali; lahko se smilite sami sebi in ste prepričani, da se vam slabe stvari vrstijo druga za drugo. Lahko pa dvignete glavo in poskušate v sebi držati še zadnjo kapljico optimizma, ki vas bo (čeprav temu morda trenutno težko verjamete) potegnila nazaj na vrh, s pomočjo katere boste v spomin spet lahko priklicali vse dobro.

Vem, da ni enostavno. Vem, da včasih pesimizem in slaba volja enostavno prevzameta vse. Tudi sama sem se letos za predolgo obdobje znašla v tem. Ampak a ni potem fenomenalen občutek, ko najdeš nekaj (lahko je dober komad, knjiga, oseba, ki jo v tistem trenutku potrebuješ), ki te dvigne nazaj gor in iz situacije odkorakaš bogatejši za eno izkušnjo? Ne pravijo zaman, da se iz lastnih napak naučimo največ.

Ob koncu leta, ki v sebi nosi tudi tisto nesramno številko 13, vam želim, da sami sebe začnete cenit. Iz tu izvira čisto vse. Dokler sami sebi ne verjamete, da zmorete, ne bo pomagalo niti to, če bo v vas verjel cel svet. Dokler ne boste zadovoljni sami s seboj, ne boste zadovoljni niti z ničemer okrog vas.

Se vam zdi, da tega ne morete spremeniti? BULLSHIT. Seveda lahko. Spremembe so grozne. Ampak lažje je preživeti dva meseca v bedi, ko čutite ogromno praznino, ker ste nekaj morali pustiti za seboj, kot pa to, da še mesec/leto preživite v enaki situaciji.

Hvala, da ste tekom leta spremljali moj blog, moje vzpone in padce (obojih je bilo veliko). Hvala vsem za vse. Tudi tistim, ki ste me večkrat zapored razočarali. Naučili ste me ogromno stvari.

Ste bili letos dovolj pridni, da je bil Božiček radodaren? Zapomnite si, da se najboljših stvari v življenju ne da kupiti. (Ja, to prihaja od mene, ki si vedno znova želim karte za koncerte. Denar kupi karto, ne more pa kupiti občutkov, ki jih doživljaš ob poslušanju glasbe v živo in ljudi, ki jih tam spoznaš.)

Nisem uspela izpolniti obljube iz začetka leta, da bom v letu 2013 prebrala vsaj 50 knjig. Trenutno sem na 33. v tem letu (nekatere iz seznama sem prebrala tudi dvakrat). Upala sem, da mi bo uspelo prebrati tudi prvenec Uroša Topića, vendar bodo počitnice prekratke in preveč napolnjene z dogajanjem.

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8920 knjižnih strani, več tisoč predvajanih komadov, več deset neprespanih noči in več sto norih fotografij kasneje vam želim najlepše praznike, odlično zažurano Silvestrovo in najboljši začetek novega leta 2014.

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Pa čim manj sekiranja, čim več uspehov, lepih trenutkov, odlične kave in iskrenih nasmehov. Se beremo spet naslednje leto!

 

 

Blog #17

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Here it is. Finally.

December is flying by. It just started like yesterday, but there is like less than two weeks of school left. My mind keeps wandering off to the holiday spirit even though I’m doing my best to try and keep it focused for one more week, just to get through the last three exams of the year.

I’m looking forward to eat some awesome food during the holidays, gain some weight because of it and not even caring (food is a part of the Christmas spirit. What’s the point of everything if you’re trying to restrain yourself from eating?!).

BUT. I plan on taking up boxing again in January. I keep realising over and over again how much I actually miss it. It’s one of those sports that are able to make you sane again, even though you feel like you’re actually going insane. It’s awesome when you’re in a good mood because that’s the time when you really work it like you’re supposed to. It gets even better when you’re frustrated because you’re able to put it all out and do something good for yourself at the same time. And for those who still believe girls can’t box: you are soooooo wrong!

BTW!
I have tickets to see All Time Low in February!!!! That’s going to be an awesome start of 2014. February in general is supposed to be awesome. There is still a chance I might go see One Republic (anyone wants to come?!), prom, winter break and All Time Low of course. Yay!

I’ve been waiting to see those four douchebags for more than 5 years and now it’s finally happening. But here I am, back to the music talk. Haha. It’s going to be awesome. You have no idea how much you’re missing out if you’re still convinced that:

  • You’re simply not the concert type of a person
  • Everything that’s not mainstream sucks
  • People with different music taste are weird
  • (I could go on, but I’ll just stop here)

Anyway, thank you all again for the amazing birthday wishes and gifts, the hugs, kisses and endless smiles!

Make the most out of those last days of the year. Make the amends you always thought can’t be made, meet new people, get excited, eat a lot, wrap presents, drink mulled wine, tell friends and family you love them, let go of all the negativity (you’ll have plenty of time to deal with that in January), watch Home Alone and just enjoy the holiday spirit in general.

I hope you don’t regret a lot of this year’s actions, but even if you do, there is still time to fix everything and just let go for some time. Remember: We’re holding on to the pain because it’s all we have left.
You DO have a choice to choose a positive path, you DO deserve to be treated nicely, you DO matter and so do your feelings.

Happy holidays!

xoxo
P

Currently listening: the compilation CD I got for my birthday (:
Currently reading: Der kleine Prinz
Currently watching: Victoria’s secret fashion show 2013
Word of the day: phoenix
Quote of the day: 

Blog #16

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Well hello there.

I couldn’t be more grateful about this week coming to its end.

This was probably the first time ever that I avoided PCD. Why? Because I didn’t even have the time to think about anything! Studying, studying and even more fucking studying. I did manage to get through everything and I’m feeling great simply because everything’s done.

I even did my first ever modelling yesterday. There was this charity fashion show at our school and I let them convince me to wear one prom dress. I was very sceptical about everything when the whole thing started. But as the beginning of the whole thing was getting closer and closer, everything clicked and I have to admit that the whole thing looked awesome! Thumbs up to everyone who worked on this thing for months, to everyone for being super nice to us and for the great company of all the models, organisers and the bands.

I managed not to embarrass myself and to get a new experience out of the whole thing.

What else? Yes. I still laugh when I think about the conversation with Zac and Jonathan back in Vienna last week. We were discussing countries and all that, and Zac is like: what?! Sweden is so small!

It’s always funny when people say they come from a small country and us Slovenians are like: errrrrrrr..yeah, we live in Slovenia.

(That’s where the conversation usually ends because nobody even ends up knowing where the hell Slovenia is. Haha)

ALL TIME LOW ARE COMING BACK TO EUROPE! Fucking finally. February suddenly seems so far away. And I want to see One Republic and You me at six when they tour Europe. Santa, please be nice to me this year and get me concert tickets.

Plus my birthday is in ten days. 18. I can’t believe how quickly this year went by. Seriously. So much has happened, so much has changed. I met so many amazing new people, learned quite a few lessons from my own mistakes, seen some great bands live, went to a few quite awesome parties.

Bring it on December, I’m ready to finish this year in style.

One more thing. Don’t worry too much. My wish for all of you is that you’ll be able to learn which things are worth it and which simply aren’t. Trust me, the ones you’re worrying about THE MOST, aren’t worth it at all. If something stresses you too much, simply move on and find something that’s less stressful. The things you’re not able to get away from? They are just one part of your lives. Don’t let them take over everything. You’ll lose so much if you do that. I wish I had realised that earlier. I really do.

xoxo
P

Currently listening: Like Torches
Currently reading: Ti povem še eno zgodbo?
Currently watching: Friday the 13th
Word of the day: gregarious, assertive, dim, curt, brusque, half-witted. (FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.)
Quote of the day: (basically the whole lyrics to this song) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dNNkCmfV_M

HAHA. I came across this one again. SNAP.

Blog #15

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This weekend was intense. Like really, really intense.

I got up at seven on Saturday morning in order to go shopping/out for a dessert to Ljubljana. We had a great time. The trip involved a lot of singing in the car, trying out silly dresses, cursing over the weather (rain+heavy wind= me breaking the umbrella. Of course.) and just generally having an awesome time.

I got up at seven on Sunday as well.

VIENNA BABY. I wasn’t even getting the feeling Warped was really happening, until I was there, picking up my (first international) press ticket. Where do I even start?

Me, Hana, Sara and Nina kind of stuck together the whole day. We went in and since we had some time to kill before the first band we wanted to see, we decided to check out the merch tents. We were just randomly walking around and two members of The Maine were hanging out at their tent. These two people (and their merch guy, WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME BTW) are incredibly kind and down to Earth.

John actually said Slovenia looks like a fairytale. Like I said, dream place for tourists.

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The next thing we did was the TWLOHA (To write love on her arms) tent. Jason and Eva are the biggest sweethearts.

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I’ve always wanted to do the whole ‘Fears Vs Dreams’ thing. Now that I actually had done it, I suddenly felt really exposed. Everyone wanted to see what I’d written on that white board. But it felt okay. Because I was surrounded with such nice people, even the biggest fear didn’t seem as scary anymore.

But here they are. My fears and dreams, exposed to the whole wide world. Haha.

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Yellowcard signing was happening next. The feeling of Sean and Ryan M recognising me, even though it was more than a year since I last saw them, really can’t  be described. Josh figured out who I was later on, which was super awesome as well. Haha.

I’ll never forget the moment when Ryan was casually talking to me, when he was supposed to be taking pictures with other fans.
Me: errrr, I think you’re supposed to be over there.
R: Oh.


Their manager pulled them away quite soon. We thought they left already when I felt someone hold my elbow. It was Mr Mackin who wanted a hug (once you hug this guy, you’d just want to keep doing it, because his hugs are the best). And then when I thought he left again, he was like: ‘’Hey, I’m going to see Like Torches. Wanna come with me?’’

He pulled me with him so I kind of didn’t even have a choice. Haha. (BUT don’t get me wrong here. This was one of the sweetest moments of the day. I had a plan to see them anyway but this made everything even better.)

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I look HORRIBLE here. But I don’t even care.
This was taken during Like Torches’ show.

I’m really glad I got to meet Yellowcard again and that they were so awesome.

(AND OH. Journalism striking in. YC will not be touring Europe in 2014 at all.)

P.S.: Sorry my favourite Scandinavians, I honestly don’t have a good shot of you guys on stage. :(

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Seriously, you can’t understand what I’m trying to describe you until you actually go to such a show and get the vibe that everyone has. Everyone is there for the same thing as you are. To have fun, to meet new people and enjoy good music. Things just click. Simple as that.

We also met Like Torches afterwards! They are my favourite Scandinavians. No doubt of that. We hung out with them for quite a while, because they were so nice to everyone we just didn’t want to get away. Haha.

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He doesn’t look too happy though.

Thennnnn.

Yes. THE MAINEEEEEEE. I was so lucky I got front row for their show. They were perfect. No more words needed.

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”If you don’t like something. THEN FUCKING CHANGE IT!”

But then this happened. That’s me and their merch guy. The girls wanted to take the picture so it would look like we’re talking about something really major. (My feet really hurt and I asked if he’d mind if I took a seat haha).

We were an hour early for the YC show. We were all second row and the feeling of the guys realising we managed to get to the front, once again, can’t be described. A lot of smiles and eye contact. Their set was too short if you ask me.

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Crappy shots. Again.

I think I spent like an hour with Jason and Eva. Stopped to say hi to Henri before that and then just had random talks with those two. We discussed everything from how hard German is to learn, to school systems in Slovenia, Austria and the USA.

Jason actually said he might come to Slovenia (aka Slovakia (inside joke. Sorry.)) next summer. I think I’d make a perfect tourist guide. Haha.

Oh, almost forgot this one. Josh came to say hi after the gig.

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Everyone seemed to love the studs on my T-shirt. It is pretty badass. Not pleasant when a crowdsurfer lands straight onto them though. Haha.

I skipped a lot of things. But I’ll just stop here.

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I can’t imagine better people to share those memories with. Things always click so perfectly when it comes to the music part of my life. Maybe the fact that most of my friend don’t listen to such music is for the best. I get to meet the best people thanks to going everywhere alone.

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How today looked? Pretty much like this.

PCD and too much work to do.

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From Dawn To Fall: Music is too diverse and multifaceted to concentrate on a genre only.

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To finish with the Vans Warped Tour honouring interviews, I’m leaving you guys with this one, so you can get to know a pretty awesome band From Dawn To Fall. We talked about inspiration, writing blocks, touring and of course the boring part about the band biography.

Can we start with the most boring question ever? Can you tell me something more about the band? Who are your biggest influences, what genre of music do you actually play etc.?

We are a 5-piece rock band from beautiful Vienna, Austria. We have been playing together for almost 7 years and never changed our line-up. We just love to make music and to be on the road together. From the very beginning of the band we knew that we won´t stick to any genres or musical styles, which is also manifested in our band name FROM DAWN TO FALL. Music is too diverse and multifaceted to concentrate on a genre only. We always try to constantly develop ourselves as persons, musicians and also as a band, which is another reason why we vary our musical style from record to record.

But being on the road together is probably the most beautiful thing for us. Playing different countries, cities, venues and meeting all of you guys who share the same love for music as we do, is just more than we could ever ask for. This keeps us together as a band, as a family. We are very thankful for that.

What are the favourite songs on your iPods right now and why?

Currently one of our favourite songs is “Listen For The Rain” from a British band called “In Colour”. It´s the band of our producer Dan Weller, and we just love their unique melancholy musical style. Further, we are also listening a lot to the latest records of Young Guns, The Neighbourhood, Biffy Clyro or Paramore.

If you could choose one band or artist to share the stage with, who would it be and why?

Actually there isn´t this one single artist we wish to share the stage with. We just love to play shows and tour together with other bands. On tour bands usually grow together as a big family and that is probably the best feeling you can have. If we had to choose one single artist it might be Thrice, one of our biggest idols.

Is there any new music in the making? If yes, when will we be able to hear anything new, if not, are there any studio plans being made already or where in the process of making the new album are you?

YES! We just finished the production for our upcoming long player, which will be released early 2014. We almost spent the whole summer in the studio, both in Vienna and also at the Red Bull studios in Copenhagen. It is always good to work in different places to get rid of distraction and daily life routines. On this record we worked together with the amazing (Sir) Dan Weller and his fellow Tim Morris, which was one of the best experiences we ever had. From the very beginning we all shared the same vision and passion for this record and we knew that something special will be the result. We never felt that comfortable before and we can´t wait to get the release started early next year!

The most funny/embarrassing moment on stage?

We once played an outdoors “guerrilla show” during a students snowboard camp directly in the Austrian Alps. We were standing in the snow at minus 15 degrees and we almost couldn’t move our fingers anymore. In the beginning it felt kind of strange and bad, but in the end it was one of the best shows we ever had.

Who in the band is the most likely to pull pranks on others and who is the one that gets pranked most of the time? Can you also tell me something about a specifically funny prank?

Actually, we are not too bad when it comes to pranks (at least that´s what we say in the interviews). We are really close as a band and most of the time we are just making fun of each other.

Some artists get writing inspiration in extremely happy moments, others can only write when extremely devastated. In which group would you place yourself and how do you deal with writer’s blocks?

We use both happy and melancholic moments when writing songs, whereas we actually prefer to work in a good, enthusiastic mood (even when writing melancholic songs). When we have the feeling of having no progress in our song writing, we usually break out of the daily life and shut ourselves in a small hut in the Austrian mountains. That always works.

You’re playing Vans Warped Tour Vienna this weekend. Do you think it will be at least half as good as the American version or even better? Are you excited to play such a well known festival? 

We´re definitely looking forward to play the Vans Warped Tour! When you start a band you always dream of playing shows like that and we are so thankful for having this opportunity. For sure, the European Warped Tour will be different to the original, which doesn´t mean that it will be better or worse. It´s just that the European music market is so different from the US. But we are really happy that the tour is coming back to Europe, as it massively supports the rock scene!

Anything you would like to add?

We haven´t been to Slovenia for a while and we really hope to come back with the new record next year! Thank you very much for the Interview.

Blog #14

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Bedno vreme, pomanjkanje nujno potrebne motivacije za učenje, tu pa tam trenutek slabe volje, ampak še vedno je dober dan! Sploh ne vem, kako je to mogoče. Morda zaradi (rahlega) navdušenja za Ljubljano in Dunaj, morda zaradi resignacije, morda pa je to samo eden tistih trenutkov, ko si dobre volje brez kakršnegakoli tehtnega razloga. In takšni trenutki so najboljši!

Jutri nekako odpišemo še to nemščino (spet), potem pa samo še pričakovanje vikenda. Če bo vse po sreči bo sobota namenjena lutanju po Ljubljani s puncami. Nebotičnik! In šoping seveda. Brez tega pač ne gre.

V nedeljo pa končno na Dunaj! Komaj čakam, da po dolgem času spet vse vidim. Pa ne govorim samo o bendih. Ampak o tistih ljudeh, s katerimi si lahko noro povezan, čeprav se vidiš samo nekajkrat na leto, pa še to na koncertih. To so tisti ljudje, ki imajo enako mero navdušenja za tiste stvari, ki se vsem mojim ostalim prijateljem zdijo čudne, smešne, ali pa jih enostavno ne razumejo.

V Ljubljani imam za zabit še soboto zvečer in večino ponedeljka, ki si ga bom vzela kar frej. Če ima kdo čas za kavo (ali dve), let me know!

Drugače pa, zadnje čase pogosto obujamo spomine na dogodke iz leta 2013 in se pri tem vedno dodobra nasmejemo. What a year it was! Noro. Res noro.

”Ej se spomneš, ko smo šli ob pol dveh zjutraj v McDonalds?” ”Kaj?! Kdaj?! To pa zihr nismo šli.”

”Kdo mi je že reku, da je moja masaža pregroba?!” *po petih minutah* ”Ajaaaa. Sej res!!”

”Al pa uno, ko smo se celo pot drli, pol po unem delu smo morali bit pa tiho.”

”Tukej odzad maš eno gumico.”

”Kaj delaš v službi?”

Ali pa na težji način naučeno dejstvo, da tudi najboljšim prijateljem za svoje dobro ne spreminjaš ozadja na računalniku.

Ah ja. Tisoč in ena interna fora. Sam to, ne preveč razmišljat o negativnih stvareh. Stres in dogodki, ki se ne bodo odvili po naših načrtih bodo prisotni celo življenje. Kako jih bomo interpretirali in kaj se bomo iz tega naučili pa je odvisno od nas samih. Hold on to the good things.

Ratalo mi je! Še en totalno optimističen blog!

Bodite v cvetju.

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: Flogging Molly
Trenutno berem: The Catcher in the Rye (spet)
Trenutno gledam: The vampire diaries
Citat dneva: 

Arrogant boy,
Love yourself so no one has to.
They’re better off without you.
Arrogant boy,
Cause a scene like you’re supposed to.
They’ll fall asleep without you.
You’re lucky if your memory remains.

Yellowcard: Our fans are the best. We are so far from home but we are welcomed as friends.

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This time, I had the pleasure to talk to Yellowcard’s Sean Mackin, who gave me an inside look on the band’s hiatus, Ocean Avenue acoustic tour, pranking All Time Low, which band member would make the best girl and some first associations.

You faced quite a few issues in the history of Yellowcard, including a hiatus. How did it come to that and how did you decide to keep on making music together afterwards? What was the hardest part of it all?

Regarding the hiatus we took from Yellowcard, there were just too many factors that we could not control that had an impact on our career and life. The crash of the music industry and economy, and at the time we had toured hard for 9 years straight. We thought we should take a step back before we started hating music and each other and it worked. 2 years later we returned invigorated and inspired with enough songs for a full length release. I think the hardest part was not to be mad at Yellowcard, the entity. I love music. It is a major part of my life. I’ve played violin 90% of my life and I love my job. But when I didn’t have music in my life everyday it was sad and really hard not to be upset about it. But now it’s over and we’re touring again and playing some of the best shows of our lives.

You once revealed the strange jobs you worked when on hiatus. How did it feel not to be a part of the musical world the way you used to be for all these years?

It was nice, in a way. I missed Yellowcard, of course, but I got married, got to live a “normal” life. Pick up groceries, cook dinner. Hang out with friends and have birthday parties. Things you miss when you’re touring all year long.

Are you in the process of making a new record despite having released ‘Ocean Avenue acoustic’ in August? Can you give me any details on that?

In Yellowcard-land, I think we are always working on new material. I am so lucky to share the stage with talented musicians. I know they have some tricks up their sleeves. Most of those tricks will be on our next record, whenever that is.

Speaking of ‘Ocean Avenue acoustic’, is this tour, which is coming to its end, treating you? What is the hardest part of doing an acoustic tour?

This has been one of the best tours Yellowcard has ever done. Our fans are amazing, and supporting us more now than ever before. I think the hardest part is physically playing 2 hours a night. It’s so hard on our voices. This is the most Yellowcard songs we have ever played.

So, Vans warped tour Europe. You’re one of the bands that get to play all dates. Are you excited and are your expectations set up high due to prior participation on the US Warped?

We love The Vans warped tour. For Yellowcard, the warped tour was the top for us. We didn’t think we would be a world famous band, we just wanted to tour with the vwt. And now we have played it 6 times in the USA and now bringing it to Europe and the UK. Expectations will be shattered. This is gonna be awesome.

Favourite Warped tour memory?

In 2002 we played half of the warped tour. Our fan base was growing so quickly and it was such a turning point for Yellowcard. And one day we look side stage and see tony sly and matt riddle watching us! And that led to us supporting no use for a name on their headlining tour in the fall. Such an amazing moment for us.

What do you love about Europe and European fans the most?

I love how different every country is. So much history and culture just across every border. And Yellowcard fans are the best. We are so far from home but we are welcomed as friends. My life is so cool.

 

 

Let’s move to a bit more fun part.

Which band member would make the best girl and why? Josh would be the best woman. He’s just so pretty.

First association on these words: cupcakes, Miley Cyrus, high school, Alex Gaskarth, Slovenia. Gluten, foam finger, Yellowcard, legend, Ljubljana

Best book you read this year? The dirt. The motley crue story. I could not put it down.

Best tour prank you’ve ever pulled on anyone? We pranked All time low by playing pornography into their in-ear monitors. In front of 3500 people. No one knew what was happening but them. It was hilarious.

 

 

Blog #13 (Tretjič.)

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Kam se je to leto obrnilo?! November je. NOVEMBER.

Priznam, pravkar doživljam pretirano sentimentalen moment in gledam nazaj na vse, kar se je do sedaj v tem letu zgodilo. Pestro je bilo. Res pestro. Za nekatere stvari si želim, da se nikoli ne bi zgodile, saj so sprožile verižno reakcijo vrste ostalih stvari, brez katerih bi bilo življenje lepše in lažje.

Ampak tako je. Saj veste, kako pravijo: ne more biti slabo za vedno. Zato se moraš počasi spoprijemati z vsakim dnem posebej. Prav tako ne more biti za vedno dobro. Zato moramo ceniti vse tiste dobre trenutke.

Ja, leto se je okrog obrnilo noro hitro. Občutek imam, da hitreje, kot katero koli doslej (ali pa imam morda tak občutek vsako leto?! Haha). Time flies. It really does.

Da sploh ne začnem z omenjanjem vseh načrtov, ki jih še imam do 31.12.2013. NORO. Veselim se vsakega posebej in vem, da bo poleg teh že načrtovanih še ogromno spontanih, ki bodo še boljši in se bodo še močneje vtisnili v spomin.

Vesela sem, da je zadnje čase vse okej. Stres je prisoten, itak. Ampak to več ni tisti psihičen stres, ki ga nikakor ni mogoče regulirati. S tem se je mogoče spopasti in ga celo zmanjšati na minimum. Za nekatere stvari sekiranje enostavno ni vredno. In čisto vsakemu izmed vas želim, da boste nekoč prišli do tega zaključka. Želim pa vam tudi, da boste znali razločiti med stvarmi, ki niso pomembne in med stvarmi, ki so za življenje noro pomembne. Včasih je to mejo težko videti.

Kaj še? Najboljše, da kar zaključim in vsega tega optimizma ne pokvarim z moraliziranjem o tem, da ima vsaka stvar dve plati. :D

Aja. Trash Candy so zmagali battle of the bands in bodo na Vans Warped Tour na Dunaju! Tele so naši, čist btw. Pometli so z resnično dobro konkurenco, kar vam lahko pove, da niso glih zanič. Check them out. Pa mogoče sem čisto malo preveč navdušena za tale Warped (KI JE ŽE NASLEDNJI VIKEND!!).

Pa aja, sredi decembra gremo baje poleg vseh awesome eventov baje še v München. How awesome is that?!

To šolo bomo že zrihtali, če ne zaradi drugega pa zaradi tega, da bomo brez skrbi hodili naokrog. (:

xoxo
P

Trenutno poslušam: Trash Candy in Casting Louis
Trenutno berem: Plesalec na krsti
Trenutno gledam: hmmm. Dejansko nič. Včeraj sem končala z Masterchef Junior (PRIPOROČAM!)
Citat dneva: 

 

Pa še to. PLEASE remember that.

Zablujena Generacija: Dejstvo je da muska, če je dobra, z leti pridobi na vrednosti

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Tokrat sem se pogovarjala z basistom že skoraj veteranske Zablujene Generacije, ki je pred kratkim izdala novi singel z naslovom Čas ustavil bi. Pogovarjala sva se o novi plošči, medijskem zatišju od leta 2008 in slovenski punk sceni.

Album Mi smo stare pizde je izšel leta 2008. Od takrat je bilo vse bolj kot ne v zatišju. Zakaj ste si vzeli tako dolgo pavzo?

Res je, da se bend po izidu albuma S.P. ni pojavljal v medijih, pač ni bilo potrebe. Lahko pa rečem, da je bila Zablujena v tem času, pa vse do danes koncertno  zelo aktivna. Odigranih je bilo preko sto koncertov, tako da smo vedno v stiku z našimi feni. S prvim singlom Čas ustavil bi, ki ga lansiramo po zatišju zadnjega albuma, smo obrnili novo stran in sigurno bo od tu naprej dosti več slišati o bendu.

Kdaj lahko pričakujemo izdajo nove plošče? Kako daleč v procesu snemanja ste trenutno?

Z izidom albuma se ne obremenjujemo in album gradimo postopoma. Ko bo čas primeren in bodo zvezde na naši strani, bo sledila akcija – izid. Kar lahko obljubim je, da v bližnji prihodnosti sigurno sledita vsaj še dva do trije singli.

Kakšno je vaše mnenje o trenutnem stanju na slovenski glasbeni sceni? Še vedno obstaja upanje za dobri, stari punk?

Vedno obstaja upanje za dobro musko, torej tudi za punk. Dejstvo je da muska, če je dobra, z leti pridobi na vrednosti in marsikdaj v času ki ga živimo delamo krivico glasbi, ki se predvaja tu in zdaj. Pri oceni kvalitete in tega kar določen bend počne danes, to počne danes in ne more to početi na način kot se je to delalo v preteklosti. Zablujenci imamo to srečo, da imamo zvesto publiko, ki nas spremlja in podpira v tem kar počnemo danes.

Kakšni so vaši načrti za prihodnost (poleg nove plošče seveda)?

Vsekakor je danes vsa pozornost usmerjena v naš prvi singel Čas ustavil bi za katerega si lahko spot ogledate na Youtube.  Kot sem že v drugem vprašanju odgovoril, imamo v bližnji prihodnosti našim fenom predstaviti vsaj še dva do tri single, verjetno za tem sledi album. Pustimo se presenetiti.

Sladek občutek praznine.

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Okej. Tole je stvar, ki je bila napisana že davnega 11. septembra. Še nikoli nisem bila tako skeptična glede objave česarkoli. Ampak po verjetno več deset branjih se mi zdi, da je to ena od najboljših stvari, ki sem jih kadarkoli napisala. Čeprav ne kaže nikakršne volje do življenja. Sploh se več ne spomnim, od kje je prišla inspiracija za to, ampak si želim, da se bi. Rada se bi namreč zahvalila tistemu, ki mi je pomagal priti v do tedaj še popolnoma neznano plat moje domišljije.

Uživajte v branju. Tokrat ne boste ostali ravnodušni.

 

Občutek otopelosti. Občutek, ko ne čutiš ničesar. Sladek trenutek praznine, ki postaja vedno bolj domača. In bum. Izgine v trenutku največje moči in te pusti popolnoma samega sredi kaosa, ki postaja neobvladljiv. Nered v notranjosti, za katerega se tako dolgo pretvarjaš, da ne obstaja, dokler ne postane ena velika kepa, ki te spremlja vsako sekundo, z vsakim vdihom in izdihom in te opominja na vsako najmanjšo pizdarijo. Pa se splača?

Čakati na trenutek ničevosti namreč. Ni nabitost s čustvi/emocijami/občutki/kakorkoli že rečeš tem sranjem boljša?

Potem očitno še nisi izkusil otopelosti. To ti daje občutek letenja in svobode, brezskrbnosti in breztežnosti. Brez kakršnih koli opojnih in prepovedanih substanc. Pa cena?

Višja kot pri ravnokar naštetem. Veliko višja.

Vsaj meni se zdi, da je človeška notranjost, razbita na tisoč in en košček, od katerih je vsak razdrobljen še na deset novih in kjer so ti novi ranjeni na najbolj vitalnih delih, dražja in pomembnejša.

Kadiš travo, ti je baje fajn, te dobijo, te malo zajebejo, še malo bolj kadiš in zadeva se vrti v pofukanem začaranem krogu. Pa otopelost?

Tukaj sta samo dve situaciji.

Trenutek ničevosti in bolečina ob (ne)potrpežljivem čakanju nanj. Ko že ravno misliš, da pride, si spet v morju ničvrednih ljudi, dogodkov, krajev, spominov. In čakaš. Tam čakaš, da se premakne nekaj, česar vzorca ne moreš ugotoviti. Čakaš, da te popelje nazaj v tisti popoln trenutek praznine, zaradi katerega se ti za sekundo zdi, da je vsa ta bolečina le za nekaj vredna.

 

xoxo
P

Forever Halloween

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Just this once
Just for now
You can be anything
In the world
Darlin’ don’t
You start to scream
It doesn’t mean anything
It’s make believe

I would like to take some time to appreciate the holiday that is still very much underestimated in Slovenia – Halloween. There are more and more parties where you should dress up as something, but nobody actually does it. It is quite awesome though. I remember years ago there used to be so many (good) horror movies on TV around Halloween. It looks like even that lost its meaning.

Make this holiday count. It’s different than all those holidays when you’re only happy about them because you get a day off school. This is supposed to be fun. Dress up, scare your best friend, go to a party, host a horror movie night (I wish I had friends who like horror movies, so we would be able to do that!), carve a pumpkin or just eat loads of sweets even though we don’t do the whole ‘trick or treating’ stuff.

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xoxo
P

Blog #12

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Chin up kid.

What a great week it was!

We have a week of holidays ahead of us. Finally! I can’t wait to get some quality sleep without the alarm being set super early for the next day. Halloween is coming up as well, which means there will be loads of parties going on everywhere. Anyone in our area has any suggestions where to go? (:

I’m pretty much proud of myself regarding the school shit that had to be done. Successful first two months: check.

The whole ‘trying to get experience as a journalist’ is going great. So many things can be done if you really set your mind on it. Honestly, don’t go on and choose something secure. Choose that one thing, which really makes you happy because it’ll be so much easier to try hard for it. Do whatever makes you happy. It’s not always all about choosing the secure path. Best things come with great price.

What else happened?
I was out the other day. I’ll spare you all the awesome details (really, we had a blast), but there was one thing that made my heart sink (I can’t find any other expressions haha). There’s this guy I know who’s dating a girl that lives about 20km away so she wasn’t out with him in our hometown, of course. There are supposedly madly in love and all that shit (they do look cute together, really) but there he was, fooling around with another girl for the whole night. This is where my knowledge of relationships ends. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand why you would try to hurt someone you care about so much. If you don’t care about them, let them go. Just don’t do such stupid shit to them.

I really liked this girl when I had a chance to talk to her. Now I’m honestly not sure what to do. It’s none of my business but nobody should have to go through this. It makes YOU feel bad and you start to think you’re not good enough so it basically ruins as much of the self-esteem as you have it. The feeling of ”how stupid was I to trust this person” strikes as well. You feel like shit. That’s the simple way of saying it. (:

But seriously. WHY do this?! Why be in a relationship with someone if all you want to do is horse around with anyone who’s at least decent looking? Do what you have to do and get into a serious relationship when you’re ready for it. Don’t try to combine the two. It’s not okay to combine them. It really isn’t. #moraloverdose

The same thing happened on Friday when we were out. Just that this time, it was the girl of a very good friend of mine. Bummer. Again.

But otherwise, this week was one of the best weeks I’ve had in a while. Everything started falling back into its place again. The sunny autumn weather is truly amazing. All those colourful leaves falling down, warm weather and genuine good mood. I hope you all had a good week as well! Try to get as much out of these holidays as you can and don’t stress too much. Sometimes you just have to be selfish and take care of yourself first. Don’t be too afraid you’ll hurt someone. Let go. This way, it’ll hurt just for some while (which will seem like forever, yeah) but if you keep such people in your life, it’ll hurt for a loooooooooong time and it’ll ruin you. Simple as that. (:

I have less than a month left until the awesome Warped tour, about a month and a half until a concert in Ljubljana and my birthday (yay) and the Christmas advertising will probably start soon as well. #love

Currently listening: The Maine
Currently reading:  Kradljivka knjig
Currently watching: The biggest loser
Word of the day: inevitable
Quote of the day: 

Zakaj jaz ne morem tistega, česar nočem več vedeti, pustiti v sobi? Zakaj mene preganja preteklost, vsi okoli mene pa jo pozabljajo? Zadihan sem se ustavil in se prijel za kolena. Pred očmi se mi je prikazal oče, kako sedi na postelji in se smehlja. In soseda, ki jo ovijajo tapete. In Svetlana. Ko se praska po nosu. Ko ne dela ničesar. Ko ne govori. Res, mogoče jih manj boli. A jaz vsaj vem, zakaj boli. In tudi bolečina je včasih boljša kot to, kar so postali oni. Sužnji pozabe. (Nejc Gazvoda: Vevericam nič ne uide)

The Maine: We are professional knuckleheads

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I had the pleasure to share a short conversation with John O’Callaghan, the lead singer of The Maine about touring, being professional knuckleheads, Forever Halloween, the writing process and of course The warped tour.

You released Forever Halloween this June. What’s the meaning behind this title?

The title was my nod at our attempt to divest ourselves of anything and everything “excess”. Stripping away the frill and exposing who we are as humans and not who we are as hats. This album is what mostly water and bone sounds like.

Do you have a specific favourite song on the album? If yes, why? And which one is the most emotional to play live?

Not sure I have a favourite, I’m rather proud of the album as a whole and we haven’t played all the songs off the album live and that usually dictates where my allegiance lies at the time. We’ve been playing a tune called “Run” as of late which has been a good time, still hard to pick just one though.

Which moment in the history of The Maine was the hardest for the band? How did you deal with it?

By no means am I saying we are a tortured group, but we’ve endured our fair share of hardships in the 7 years we’ve been a band. Atop the list of most difficult to overcome would have to be our struggle to break away from our former label Warner Brothers. Persistence and refusing to sacrifice any bit of our integrity was what carried us through the arduous process and ultimately landed us on our independent and unsigned feet.

Any funny tour moments?

Most wouldn’t be appropriate for an audience of strangers, but some are rated PG. We are a travelling circus, riding with 10 plus dudes in a bus with no real “adults” in charge. Naturally, ridiculous behaviour will ensue. There is much talk of flagellation, females and football. We are professional knuckleheads.

You have participated in the Warped Tour before. Are you excited to be a part of the European version as well?

We are extremely excited to be a part of the Euro Warped Tour. All we have is the experience we’ve had on Warped in the states and really don’t think it’d be fair to compare the experience until we’ve come back from all the dates across the pond. However, based on shows we’ve done in Europe prior, we know it will be a good time!

What has been your favourite moment of Warped Tour so far?

In 2008 we did 10 dates of Warped while travelling in a van with a trailer. We were 17-19 years old full of energy and fine with not taking showers. Not much sleep was enjoyed, but the experience was something special and definitely one we will never forget.

Can you give the fans that are coming to see you at Warped any details about possible meet and greets? None that I’m aware of as far as scheduled stuff goes, but we are always out and about after shows and will certainly be around to say hi to anyone who wants to hang out! I’m sure something will be more official, but at the very least you can expect us out on our own hanging around!

Thank you so much for your time! Can’t wait to play!

Blog #11 (Slovenščina. Drugič.)

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Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive.

Teden, nabit z živci, končno prihaja h koncu. Že dolgo se dnevi niso tako vlekli in še nikoli se mi z vsakim naslednjim dnem ni zdelo, da je konec tedna vedno dlje in dlje. Ampak itak, ratalo nam je, kot rata vedno. Živčki morajo vsake toliko časa pokazat, da so še vedno tu in da še vedno dobro delujejo.

Še en teden pa bodo (končno) počitnice. Hitro sta se obrnila prva dva mesca šole, poletje pa se zdi dobesedno ages ago. Mogoče zaradi vremena, mogoče zaradi stresa, mogoče pa zaradi nekih popolnoma drugih dejavnikov. Ne glede na vse, rada bi ga nazaj. Vsaj vročino, če ne drugega.

Komaj čakam, da si malo odpočijem od zgodnjega vstajanja in da moji možgani dobijo težko pričakovano (manjšo) pavzo. Končno bom imela spet ogromno časa za branje in aktivnosti, ki so v zadnjih dveh tednih popolnoma preveč trpele.

Btw.
Naslednji teden grem baje že na avtocesto! Kar pomeni, da očitno moja vožnja le ni tako slaba. (Ampak vseeno, ne se preveč svobodno gibat na relaciji Novo mesto – Ljubljana, če kje vidite kje znak šola vožnje ;).

To je ena dobra novica tega tedna. Druga je, da se mi je uspelo dogovorit še za dva intervjuja, ki si ju že zelo dolgo želim izvesti in zagotovljeno imam novinarsko akreditacijo za Vans warped tour na Dunaju. Prva akreditacija za tujino in prva akreditacija, ki sem jo uredila sama, brez pomoči kakršnihkoli urednikov. Komaj čakam. Res.

Pa malo sem ponosna nase. Mogoče.

*

Matematika mi tudi letos veselo skače po živcih. Končno sem se znebila fizike in večno osovražene kemije, matematika je pa pač ostala še za zadnji letnik. Vse se navezuje na neke stare snovi, ki so iz moje glave večinoma itak že zdavnaj izpuhtele, zato je vse še mnogo težje, kot bi bilo drugače. Tolažim se s tem, da matura baje itak ni težka. Baje. To reče vsak, ko jo enkrat konča. Dokler pa dejansko ne konča z zadnjim ustnim izpitom, je pa tudi popolnoma natempiran, kot smo zdaj mi. Ker je vsem očitno neskončno zabavno večno razlaganje o tem, da bo to v maturi, pa da moramo vedet to za nazaj, pa še to dodatno pogledat, pa še tisoč drugih nepomembnih stvari, ki nam v življenju prav ne bodo prišle nikoli (npr. vektorji, popolna indukcija…).

Bo že. Sej moram vse skupaj zbrat samo 85+ točk, da bom sprejeta na želen program. Samo 85+ točk.

*

Ta vikend bo pa baje fajn.

Jutri gremo s puncami najprej po dolgem času na tortico, potem imamo plesne za maturantski, ki so za enkrat še zabavne, kasneje pa me čaka še vožnja. V soboto se mi ni treba učit absolutno ničesar, kar pomeni, da si bom vzela čas in sestavila vse tri intervjuje, ki me še vedno čakajo. Pa še cel dan sem sama doma. Zvečer gremo pa še ven. Sounds pretty awesome.

Jutri rešimo še to psihologijo, pol pa akcija!

xoxo
P

It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.

Trenutno poslušam: From dawn to fall
Trenutno berem: Inferno
Trenutno gledam: The biggest loser
Beseda dneva:

Pretty picture of the week (alongside with some real deep bullshit)

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It’s a sheer lie we all tell. Trying to convince people you’re moody and grumpy just because you’re tired, is basically something nobody believes anymore but simply doesn’t want to question. If you go by the excuse you’re tired, usually nobody will ask any further questions. They just know they have to back off.

But that’s just wrong.

We all know when we try to get by with saying ‘’I’m tired’’. When we’re really in such a bad mood we just want someone to hug us real tight and not let us go.

We don’t ask for a hug though.

We push people away.

Wrong.

Tell people what you feel, it’s the only way. Ask for a hug if that’s what you need, ask for a minute of someone’s time if you need someone to listen to your problems (don’t whine too much though, nobody likes that), ask someone to make you a cup of tea (tea always tends to make things better).

‘’That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.’’ (John Green, The fault in our stars (a MUST read book)).

It will be easier if you don’t be all stubborn and try to deal with everything on your own. Trust me on this one. (:

 

xoxo
P

Vans warped tour Vienna!

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24th November, Vienna Stadthalle.

Definitely a place to be.

24 bands, three different stages, meet&greets, sports area, some of the best BMX riders and skaters, loads and loads of fun!

I think we’ve all been waiting for this for ages. Every rocker/punker knows all about the American Warped tour and spends every summer whining he’s not able to be there. Thumbs up for bringing it back to Europe (and NOT only UK!). I’m super stoked to be a part of the Austrian warped. It’ll be a long drive from Slovenia, but I think it will all be worth it.

I don’t think I’m setting up my expectations too high because it’s clearly visible already that the organisation of everything is perfect. +I’ve never been to a concert in Austria that wouldn’t have everything organised and settled in a good way (Italians can be quite sloppy about that).

Slovenian band called Trash candy is competing in battle of the bands in order to be able to play warped. Please support our local guys in the link below. They are AWESOME.

http://warpedeu.battleofthebands.com/u/Trashcandy

There are some more good bands I came across of on the battle of the bands website, so please, give them a listen and help them out. We all know what a great career kick off this would be.

http://warpedeu.battleofthebands.com/

Blog #10

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If one drink can make tonight slip your mind, then you should drink up.

Seeing her so broken, so fragile, so desperate to look alive to the rest of the world made me wonder why. Why would you want to give people the impression you’re okay when each and every inch of your body is crying out for help? Ask for help and you’ll get it. It’s the only way to get out of the hole you’ve dug out for yourself.

But the sad reality is she won’t. She’s so deep in all of this that she’ll just keep going until it really gets too late. Then suddenly everyone will have an opinion about everything. Then, when it’ll be WAY too late. Wrong. Mentality is really wrong.

Speaking of problems and all that crap. Recently, I was told I never actually finish anything and that I shut everyone out when it comes to a topic I’m not comfortable with. (I’ll listen about mentioning this here as well, but anyway. Haha.).

I do try to get away with some stuff. Of course. Who doesn’t? But I do find talking about things bothering us essential in order to be able to form a good relationship of any kind. Things build up if you don’t talk about them and get so heavy after some time you feel like you’re dragging a huge rock everywhere you go.

If that doesn’t sound alarming, I honestly don’t know what does. Don’t try to learn from your own mistakes when it comes to this. It comes with too much of a price.  Talk, talk, talk. And trust.

So yes, I do try to get away. Sometimes to prevent myself from getting hurt, but if one doesn’t give up the first time I refuse to answer a question with more than a few words, then I’ll talk. It’s really not that complicated (that’s why everyone should have basic psychology knowledge!).

*

What else happened this week?

Ummmmm

We saw Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark on Monday! It was AMAZING. Confusing of course, but great. It’s so much easier to understand such a difficult play if you get a chance to see it in the theatre. I love Shakespeare’s work anyway, so it was all good.

Other than that, the amount of work that has to be done for school is getting bigger and bigger. Things are piling up and my bad habit of procrastinating a lot isn’t making ANYTHING easier. I get nervous too easily because I’m so stressed. This is making everything even worse than it was before due my long-lasting-grumpiness and not wanting to talk to anyone.

I want to do so much more but the days are simply too short. Huge amounts of school work, reading, writing, sports (I’ll take up boxing again as soon as possible!), volunteer work, journalism, photography, driving lessons, concerts etc. I will make it work somehow. I will. People ask me how do I have time to do anything. It’s the only way to get out of this fucking routine. Free time is something you should cherish; therefore you shouldn’t spend the whole afternoon asleep.

So yeah, I have time to do shit because I don’t spend my free time dossing around. +I know there’s so much more to life than just than just the fucking 9 to 5 routine.

Btw, I saw some really amazing info about Warped today! WOWOWOOW this is going to be so awesome! Just like the American version (maybe the fact that it’s happening in November spoils everything a bit but still!). Three stages, meet&greets, sports area, three stages, ALL of my favourite tour people. Definitely something to look forward to!

Scanning the e-mail inbox just made me realise I’ve got an interview with From dawn to fall to do! Cheers!

P.S.: Someone PLEASE go see Despicable me 2 with me!

xoxo
P

Currently listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXmrWCZc9ws
Currently reading: Inferno and Kradljivka knjig (yeah, I actually have two books on the go)
Currently watching: nothing really. And good movie suggestions?
Word of the day: procrastination
Quote of the day: 

Razredni sovražnik (Class enemy)

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Naj se ob uživanju v zdravem sobotnem zajtrku končno dotaknem v ponedeljek ogledanega Razrednega sovražnika.

Moram reči, da sem ga res težko pričakovala. Že zaradi večletnega spremljanja režiserjevega dela, dvakratnega sodelovanja z njim (pri nekih totalno osnovnošolskih delavnicah), zraven sta bila Nejc Gazvoda in Janez Lapajne (ki sta seveda pri mojem vrhu slovenskih filmskih ustvarjalcev), pa še na naši gimnaziji je bil sneman. Itak. (To, da vsaj na videz poznam večino statistov in profesorjev bom samo omenila, da vse skupaj ne izpade preveč kičasto.)

Naša draga novomeška gimnazija je prikazana ravno tako, da si res nihče ne bi želel preživeti štirih let v njej. Hodniki so ves čas mrtvo prazni in tišina že kar reže v ušesa. Za ozračje filma je to seveda super, toda kot dijakinja šole sem to takoj opazila.

Zdaj pa k filmu. Zares.

Odlično so prikazani plehki odnosi, ki se pojavljajo v srednji šoli. Dijakom tega nesrečnega razreda je mar le zase in se ne ozirajo na težave drugih. Ko Sabina naredi samomor, to izkoristijo za upor proti sistemu. Seveda je pred tem nihče ni niti vprašal, če je v redu, če ima težave doma, v šoli, ali kje drugje. Zdaj so pa kar naenkrat vsi totalno prepričani, da se je ubila zaradi njihovega novega razrednika, profesorja Zupana (ko pomisliš, da so se te stvari res dogajale, te med filmom kar zmrazi).

Ravnateljica se sicer nekaj trudi, da bi dogajanje umirila, ampak njej je važno samo to, da so njeni dijaki nad slovenskim povprečjem (plus točke za prikaz tega!). Nekateri profesorji se trudijo, da se bi približali dijakom in njihovem navideznem žalovanju, profesor Zupan pa vztraja pri svoji načelnosti in jim želi pomagati s tem, da nadaljuje s predavanji. Oni to dojamejo, kot da mu ni mar za Sabinino smrt in ga razglasijo za nacija.

Konca filma in podrobnosti, ki film naredijo tako odličen vam ne bom razkrila. Ogled vam toplo priporočam, predvsem če ste še vedno prepričani, da Slovenci nismo sposobni narediti dobrega filma. Rok Biček in celotna ekipa so si popolnoma zaslužili vse nagrade, ki so jih (in jih še bodo) prejeli.

Igra je pristna in ne prisiljena kot pri večini slovenskih filmov. Komični vložki se pojavijo ravno takrat, ko si kot gledalec na robu zloma. Konec ni kičast in nam pokaže, kako vseeno jim je dejansko za Sabino, profesorja Zupana pa si lahko orišemo na dva načina. Lahko gremo v pozitivno smer (tako sem si ga predstavljala tudi sama), kjer vidimo, da je dijakom skozi celoten film ponujal možnost pogovora in pomoči, ali pa v skrajno smer brezčutnega profesorja nemščine.

Pa še malo pretirane morale za konec: dobri medsebojni odnosi so ključ. Opazujte kaj se dogaja z vašimi najbližjimi prej, kot bo prepozno. Ko pa bo prepozno, ne krivite sistema, ki resnično najverjetneje ni ničesar kriv.

Cheers!

Blog #9

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Oh, Calamity.

What does it take for you to be happy? A huge achievement? A lot of money? Or is it all those small things that pile up and turn into the best day ever?

It’s pretty much the same as with the bad things. They pile up and suddenly you feel like you’re buried in them and you can’t find your way out. It’s the same with good things! We just don’t seem to realise that. I feel like there’s too much talk about the negativity. Focus on everything that’s good in your life. Like I said yesterday, state of mind is everything. If you think about the happiness piling up, instead of focusing on sadness, misery and anger, your life will shine in the brightest colours ever possible.

I managed to type down a positive introduction to a blog! Yay for that!

And it gets even better. (;

It’s official now! I’m going to Warped Tour in November! Booking the tickets finally made it real and now all I have left is the exciting countdown to seeing so many great bands and all my favourite tour people again. Trust me; you have no idea what it’s like to be in a room full of people who understand your view on music, musicians, lyrics. They know what it’s like to have that one special song that is always there or what it’s like to love music with each and every heartbeat.

That’s why I love meeting people at gigs. They always bring something new and special into my life and it’s ridiculous how quickly we ‘click’.

(btw, if anyone wants to see One Republic on their upcoming European tour, let me know!)

*

Do you ever let yourself suffer in order not to make anyone else feel bad? I keep doing that even though I end up getting hurt in the end. People always tell me I should talk about such things. But what’s the point? If I keep quiet then I’m the only one feeling bad about it. If I say anything, then there’s always at least one more person who has to go through the same shit. Just like utilitarianism says: maximum happiness for maximum number of people.

Which brings us straight back to honesty and all that crap. Should we be honest even though that means more people get hurt than if we keep quiet?

Wow, this just got too philosophical. :D

Anyway, you never do the right thing for everyone. There will always be someone who will get the short end. It’s how things work, whether we like it or not.

 

*

Driving lessons are going great! It’s a bit weird at the start. You’re used to being the one who always looks around, fools around with the radio and all other irrelevant buttons in the car. Now you’re suddenly the one in charge of everything. It’s overwhelming at the start because you have to be alert and focused on things you never had to be before. It’s pretty much awesome though. When you see you hit 90km/h for the first time (I’ve only had three lessons, don’t judge me!) and it isn’t even as hard as you thought it would be is beyond amazing. I can’t wait to get my driver’s license!

I’ll finish this one here. I’m attaching a few super inspirational photo quotes for you guys. I hope they make you feel at least a bit better even though tomorrow is Monday! (:

P.S.: Končno prilagam še link do reportaže iz letošnjega Ritma mladosti. http://www.zvpl.com/dogodki/recenzije/ritem-mladosti-2013/

xoxo
P

Currently listening: All time low
Currently reading: The secret
Currently watching: Prljavo Kazalište arena Zagreb 2009
Quotes of the day: 

Motivation

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I found this picture in a pretty cool website called Pinterest and I felt like it had to be re-posted here.

There are so many people who live for holding other people down and not letting them achieve what they are trying so hard for. You know what? FUCK THEM. Do whatever you want to do because in the end, you’ll be the one laughing. Never let anyone tell you’re not good enough because you are. You are good enough to do anything you set your mind on. Setting your goals high is even better because this means you’re able to think outside the box. If one isn’t able to think outside the box, he will never be able to live outside the box.

Be different, do the shit you want to do and make people who put you down jelaous by being successful and fucking awesome. Change the way you look at life and life will suddenly feel very much different.

State of mind is everything. Everything.

 

xoxo
P

Blog #8

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Back to black

It’s all back to the old routine now. Get up at a ridiculously early hour, get ready, eat and enjoy (but really enjoy!) a morning coffee, forget about the time and rush out of the house in order not to miss the bus, spend eight long hours in school, go home, eat, do homework.

Working out does make the whole routine-looking-days better. It feels amazing to do something good for yourself. Sometimes it seems like you’re going to die. But the feeling when you’re done is something only people who work out every day will understand. It gets even better when you manage to stick to it for a longer time than you used to in the past. This is what makes it even more amazing for me.

+I start with driving lessons tomorrow! I couldn’t be more excited for that! I’m a bit anxious since I’m a typical girl who doesn’t know much about cars but I hope I’ll be a quick learner. Haha. I passed the final theory tests today, called up my instructor right after I was told the results. He was really nice and gave me a chance to start straight away. (:

What else is new?

I thought I would be able to get through one September (after years) without getting ill but that’s obviously not happening. I haven’t been feeling well this whole week and it just keeps getting worse. I have started drinking tea already in hope it won’t be as bad as the last time I was ill. The whole quick temperature changes obviously don’t work for me. It’s way too cold for September. 8 degrees in the morning? Sounds more like fucking November to me.

All these small things, from being cold all the time, to not getting enough sleep are making me extremely moody. I know talking about problems should be good and all that crap but I just don’t feel like bringing such shit up. I like to deal with it on my own because it always feels like I’m annoying someone when I’m talking about the bad stuff.

It’s funny though, because I always encourage people to tell me what’s wrong. I’m a fixer. It might be just something minor, but I like to comfort people and tell them it’ll get better. Hugs and cuddling are great (haha) and we all feel a bit better at least a bit because of that.

You know what helps when being in a bad mood? Keeping away from sad/corny/whatever movies. Watch comedies. They are supposed to be a safe choice.

I’ll admit it, I don’t smile as much as I usually do, BUT seeing this today, made me smile like an idiot. Doesn’t he look adorable at 1:41?! The song is beyond amazing as well. It makes it so much more special because so many great memories are attached to this guy. (He likes to call himself Matt now when he’s this big musician. He’ll always be Matija for me though). He’s probably the only guy who will pull out two iPhones during a totally random conversation, the only person who will misunderstand something totally ordinary and make it funny for absolutely everyone and probably one of the nicest guys I know. He’s also kind of a good musician. (;

There’s something else I’m looking forward to! My two favourite girls are coming over this weekend for a sleepover! Going out with them and the local gang should be something to remember. PARTEY!

“Keine Parteys, keine Tanzveranstaltung, kein Bierabend, keine Volksversammlung und kein Freundestreff.”

Currently listening: You me at six; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgvJTqXQycE
Currently reading: Pride and prejudice
Currently watching: Silver linings playbook
Word of the day: der Glatzkopf
Quote of the day: QUOD IN CORDE SOBRII,
ID IN LINGUA EBRII.

Blog #7

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Tokrat za spremembo v slovenščini.

”Ej ti si pa letos že maturantka, ne?”

”Kam se boš pa vpisala?”

”Kje mate pa maturantski ples?”

”Že maš soplesalca?”

”Si sigurna, da boš mela dost točk za na to fakulteto?”

”Kaj boš pa, če ne boš sprejeta?”

”Al zdej se moraš pa res sproti učit, veš.”

”Poletje je mimo, se bo treba malo umirit.”

Sej bi rekla moj prvi pomislek ob vseh teh vprašanjih in izjavah, pa kletvice v naši prelepi slovenščini zvenijo enostavno preveč grobo.

Deveti september je. Občutek imam, kot da se gibljemo nekje okrog novembra, ko je vsega preveč. Vsaj nekaj se dogaja, to je super. Ampak teženje z maturo, ki se trenutno zdi še daleč stran je vseeno pretirano. Nam ne bi pustili še vsaj teden, dva, tri, preden nas zasujete z vsem? Že en teden poslušam zgradbo prve, druge, tretje pole pri vseh možnih predmetih. Da o temah za ustne izpite in maturitetnih seminarskih nalogah sploh ne govorim.  Se bo treba lotit, itak. Ampak tega smo se lotili preveč na hard. Moji možgani še vedno čofotajo po slani vodi in delajo načrte za naslednje potepanje.

Pogrešam občutek, da je pred mano še celo poletje, popolnoma brez skrbi. Občutek, ko ravno razpakiram kovček, pa že pakiram stvari za nekam drugam. Okej, zlagala se bi, če bi rekla, da zdaj nimam nikakršnih planov. AMPAK. Pri teh planih je vedno prisoten priokus ponedeljka, ko bo zjutraj zvonila budilka, ki te (ne)prijazno povabi nazaj v realnost. Ne glede na to kako super vikend je bil za mano, sem se danes morala vrniti na gimnazijske hodnike, polne zmedenih in (zaenkrat še) navdušenih prvošolčkov, ki še niso ugotovili, da so stopnice namenjene premikanju in ne čvekanju o tem kakšen je ta in oni profesor, v koga je zaljubljena sošolka, katere imena si še vedno niso zapomnili, kakšen geek je en sošolec in kako za šolo dol visi drugemu.

Danes sem prvič dobila občutek, da je jesen res že skoraj pred vrati. Sicer se je na trenutke zdelo, da vreme (ponovno letos) malce meša mesece, in je očitno mislilo, da je deveti april in ne september, je vseeno dišalo po jeseni. Eno minuto sonce, drugo minuto nevihta, poletja je konec. To je to. Ni več tistega: ”Še en topli vikend je pred nami.” 25°C. Maksimum. Da sploh ne omenjam noro mrzlih večerov, v katerih si že zdaj zaželim skodelico vroče čokolade (bele seveda!), ali pa skodelico noro dobrega čaja. Summer, you shall be missed.

Mi je pa všeč, da vsak dan vidim ljudi, ki jih med poletjem tudi po več tednov nisem. Interne fore, ki so smiselne samo nam, komadi, ki na plan prinesejo fenomenalne spomine in že sam občutek bližine tistih, ki me lahko vedno spravijo v boljšo voljo.

Naj omenim še:

  • da mi bo nemščina morda le (končno!) prirasla k srcu. Morda pa le spadam med jezikoslovce, in je to ena stvar, v kateri naj bi bila dobra. Ko bi se le začela tega zavedati pred šestimi leti, ko sem z nemščino začela. Ampak alles gut! Bo že. (:
  • končno sem vzljubila tek. Morda se je vse začelo iz napačnih razlogov in morda še vedno nimam kondicije, ampak občutek po teku je nekaj, česar se ne da opisati. Tek v šoli pri športni je en navaden bullshit. Dokler se sami ne spravite ven in naredite nekaj zase, to ni to. Tudi če vam uspe samo enkrat na teden. Vseeno ste nekaj naredili. Chin up. (:

Trenutno poslušam: Zablujence!
Trenutno berem: Angeli, demoni in kurbe
Trenutno gledam: Suits!
Beseda dneva:  self-de·struc·tive (slfd-strktv)

Pa še citat dneva (morda se bi morala večkrat ravnati po tem): You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.

Blog #6

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It’s funny for how long a certain thing can be stuck in your mind whether you want it or not. And it’s funny how a certain thing can change your life forever. Someone may not even realise what they’ve done simply by thinking it wasn’t a big deal.

Guess what? Something that may seem like an ordinary thing to you can mean the world to someone else. You can change someone’s life for better or the worse by not thinking and doing (or saying) something stupid.

I’ve been burned before. I often say things and people interpret them in a way I never even thought they could be interpreted. Therefore a lot of apologising and explaining always follows afterwards. I’m trying to teach myself that, and I want to remind all of you. THINK before you do anything.

*

I’m going back to school in two days. Senior year. How did that happen?! The past three years have gone by so quickly they’re almost in a blur. It seems like I was dreading the first day of high school just yesterday and now I’m about to start the senior year already.

I’m not really sure what to expect. It’ll be really hectic and exhausting just like the other years. But it’s the last year. We will all go to different universities after this and that’s it. It feels like a closure that hasn’t even started yet.

On the other side, I’m pretty stoked to go back and see all my friends on a daily basis again. Summer’s great, but catching up with everyone is way harder in a way because we don’t all live so close to each other.

I can already smell the morning coffee I like to make for myself before I leave every morning, drinking it alongside with thinking about the day that’s ahead of me, being happy/nervous/extremely stressed about something that I have to face.  Even thinking about those few minutes I really get for myself every morning makes me happy. Those are the times when I’m glad I’m a morning person.

Sometimes it feels like my body is made for hectic schedules. I like it when there’s something happening all the time even if it makes me too stressed. I get tired and grumpy, of course. But that happens even if my week isn’t busy. So therefore, I’ll take the hectic one because it’s way more fun. (I’ll probably regret saying this in a few months, but anyway. Haha)

Thank you all for one of the best summers I’ve ever had. So many great things happened with people that are incredibly cool, kind and positive. I wouldn’t trade these memories for anything. I hope everyone else had a summer to remember and I wish you all a great kickoff on Monday. (:

Currently listening: summer playlist
Currently reading: Hamlet
Currently watching: LOL
Word of the day: pho·ny also pho·ney

xoxo
P

Blog #5

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Truth or dare to find out yourself?

Hello there.

I haven’t talked about the always touchy subject called trust in a long time, so let’s have a look at that.

What does it take for you to fully trust someone? Let’s say you’ve just met them and you know absolutely nothing about them. How long does it take (or what does it take) for you to start talking about personal things? And how long (what) so that you expose the side of yourself you really don’t like to talk about?

Honesty?

Spending a lot of time together?

Waiting for the other person to tell you everything?

All of the above?

Honesty can be a trap. Sometimes we hurt people with honesty more than we would by keeping something from them. BUT. It’s usually the serious stuff we don’t want to tell them. They will find it out sooner or later.

Which kind of fucks up things for you. Of course your intentions were all good; you didn’t want to hurt them and blahblahblah. They won’t see it that way. #justsaying (stupid hash tags). They will feel like they got betrayed by you and no matter how far on the highway of gaining their trust you were, this will shoot you straight back to the beginning.  It’s good to be honest. It does hurt sometimes, but it’s easier to put yourself back together from this, than it is from a betrayal of someone you actually thought you could trust. One way honesty doesn’t really work. If only one person is trying and the other one thinks they’ll get everything on a plate by keeping quiet, the whole thing is bound to fall apart sooner or later.

By honesty I also mean not shutting the other person out. You should be honest with them and share. Sharing is good. Talking about life is good. It may be the small talk about all the little things or huge heart to hearts. Sharing is good. (Try to do it sober though, it has more of a spark that way. Haha. And it can get awkward if you spill your guts to someone and don’t remember a thing you said the next day. Haha.)

This is just my point of view, what are your thoughts on this? I feel everyone feels quite happy when they can avoid this talk (even me sometimes to be honest).

And OH. How many people are there that you can really fully trust? One, two, three? (The number probably doesn’t get bigger than three, right?). I think full trust comes from exposing the dark/weird/not-open-for-public side of you. When you both do that, I think you’re on the right path to building a strong relationship (by relationship I mean everything from family to romantic).

What about finding everything out on your own? By asking close friends of a person everything you want to know? Doesn’t end well. I mean, if you do that, just ask the person everything about what’s true and what isn’t. People like to talk. They always have and they always will. You can end up getting hurt simply by being stupid, impatient and by not waiting for someone to trust you with personal things.

There are some exceptions in this area. When everything simply clicks and there are no problems regarding this issue. Sadly, most of the times the journey of honesty and trust is long, full of ups and downs. (:

Anyway.
I had a great weekend again. Celebrated a class mate’s 18th birthday (happy birthday again, dear), had a sleepover with the best friend, spent some quality time with both best friends after the other one got back from London (WE HAD FUCKING PANCAKES FOR BREAKFAST!) and had some other nice moments I wouldn’t really discuss over here. Haha.

Currently listening: Avicii
Currently reading: The catcher in the rye (still)
Currently watching: The pretty little liars (still)
Word of the day: despicable (dɪˈspɪkəbəl ; ˈdɛspɪk-)

xoxo
P

“Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis – a good hot cup of coffee.” – Alexander King

“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee” – Stephanie Piro

Blog #4 (Memories)

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Memories.

Since summer I’ve been waiting for this whole year is coming to its end with immense speed, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about everything that’s happened in the last two months.

(I promise this gets optimistic in the end, no matter how shitty it starts! Haha)

It’s funny, how we always remember all the good stuff when we look back, no matter how many fucked up things happened.

To be honest, we always come back to the bad side in the end. And it’s memories that kill us in the end. When we’re trying to forget everything but all those small every day things bring up so much stuff we can’t seem to move past it.

The solution?
Some people start drinking a lot. Some go out a lot and try to gain all the confidence back by trying to attract the opposite (or the same) gender. Some fight with everyone close to them. Some shut everyone out.

Some live in denial and pretend they don’t care. BULLSHIT. You can’t just not fucking care. You can’t. Trust me, I’ve tried it before and it doesn’t work. You have to deal with everything sooner or later. If you simply accept the fact that you got hurt will save you from getting hurt even more. Getting all bitchy with the attitude: ”Oh I don’t give a fuck about anything happening around me!” will only bring fighting with everyone you actually still care about. They will try to help you but since you’re convinced you don’t need help, they’ll soon stop offering it. You won’t have anyone to turn to when you actually start dealing with stuff. Which won’t be too nice.

So yeah, memories are a bitch. They will rip you apart. They will bring you down. But after you come clean with everything, they will turn nice again. You’ll be able to remember all the good times.

Okay, I’ve gone WAAAAAAY off topic with this. Haha.

This summer was all in all marvellous (I’ve always wanted to use that word somewhere haha).
I met some quite amazing people, got closer with a few friends I met sooner this year, partied quite a lot (that is about to continue tomorrow, as a matter of fact!), had a great time at the seaside with my two awesome best friends, enjoyed a summer festival, finally met the person who helped me through all my weakest points in the past year, had a lot of lie-ins, read a few classics (which were awesome btw), spent time watching trashy TV shows (and some trashy and too corny movies), went to a concert of a musician I never thought I’d even consider seeing live (with four people who are the best), improved relationship with my siblings, stopped drinking a lot of coffee, had fun with a bit of love matching (I got some skills for that! I always make sure my friends get the good guys!), etc.

Sounds almost quite nice, huh?

It had its ups and downs but I’m left with great memories (and some for which I’m waiting to turn great haha) and no regrets. I’m looking forward to seeing my classmates soon, ready to nail this fucking last year of high school.

xoxo
P

Currently listening: Ocean Avenue acoustic by Yellowcard
Currently reading: The catcher in the rye
Currently watching: Pretty little liars

Blog #3

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Madness starts again tomorrow. We had two super easy months in school. Not a lot of exams, which basically meant no studying. That was amazing but we have so many exams coming up, it’ll be hard to get back on track with having to study so many different school subjects at the same time. I tried to do as much catching up during the winter break as possible. I’m proud to say I did quite a lot, despite being ill for the most of it. The only thing that slipped me and is still waiting to be done are history notes. Ah well, I still have enough time for that.

And yeah, we are travelling to Strasbourg on March 15th! I couldn’t be more stoked for that! We won a competition just before the winter break and are going to France as a reward. I’ve gotta admit it though, even if we hadn’t won that, I’d still see myself as a winner (as cocky as that sounds) because I did manage to get there and do my part even though I had an awfully high fever, and was so cold at one moment and hot at another that I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to get through it. But I did and we all did such a great job, I’m proud of all of us!

Remember the whole talk about how many books I’m going to read this year? I’ve been SUPER lazy about that as well. :( Haven’t read a single book this entire break. AND THAT IS SO SAD. I have a list of a lot of great books, but I was too lazy for the past few weeks and now I’m afraid I won’t have the time with all the studying that’s coming up. I will finish the book I started weeks ago today. I will.

I’m super bummed that I’m not in Australia right now. ‘’Yeah yeah, who doesn’t want to be there?’’ But it’s not only because of summer. SOUNDWAVE guys, Soundwave. Everyone who gives a crap about concerts knows what Soundwave is. And in our world, there are two kinds of people right now: people who are playing or going to Soundwave, and people who wish they were playing or going there.

What else did I want to say. Hmmmm. YES. Snow. There is still way too much of it. We got another 30cm or maybe even more last night. It sucks so badly because it’s not even fun anymore. Snow shovelling is getting super annoying and the happiness that was always going on about snow is gone. Nobody’s happy when they see it falling anymore. We’re all desperate for some sun and warm weather. I really hope that was the last huge snow storm because I will lose my mind if spring and sun don’t come soon.

I did make a snowman with my sister today. She named him Franci, but now insists that she changed her mind and he should be called Albert. He looks more like Franci though, doesn’t he?

franci

Have a good week everyone!

Currently listening: Southern air by Yellowcard

Currently reading: (still) Borut Golob: Smreka bukev lipa križ

Currently watching: This is 40

Blog#2

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I find it funny how some people always like to brag about everything they achieve, even though the half of their successes are because of stabbing many people in the back or sticking with people who are bound to success and not actually do anything – just watch others do everything and take all the credit afterwards. I like to think karma will get them someday and I sure hope it happens soon, because it’s not fair to everyone else.

This is what I wrote the other day during Chemistry.
There she was, innocently smiling so everyone would think she had actually changed. But they knew she was still just sitting there, thinking of an easy way to stab them all in the back as if she never cared about any of them.

They were always careful about the things they said in her presence. They always shared the significant dark look, telling the person talking to finally shut up. Sharing personal information was just too dangerous.

The funny thing is that she still lives by the fact that she’s the perfect little thing, loved by everyone and everything. She always gets what she wants and thinks nobody gets hurt along the way of her doing that.

Everyone hopes the time for her, learning her lesson will come soon, because spending time with such a difficult person is hard and exhausting.

And yeah, I’m looking forward to the winter break. We have only four school days left and one exam – maths (which I’m not looking forward to AT ALL). School gave year three and four students the final day before holidays free, so we can go around Slovenia to check out the universities we’re interested in. I’m kind of excited to see the university I want to attend after high school, to get to know it better and to really decide if English and Slovene really are the languages I want to study.

I do spend a lot of time over thinking everything. And I know it’s not good because it only makes me worry about things and people that aren’t worth it. But I really can’t help it. I think if you know that someone you love is doing something wrong, worrying is the smallest thing you can do for them. Even if they think they aren’t doing anything bad for themselves or someone else. Telling them that they are making a mistake is good. Of course they won’t listen, but they will thank you for worrying about them someday.

At least that’s what I tell myself when worrying about the stupidest things ever.

Does anyone else have the problem of going to bed early and then waking up in the morning, feeling like you got run by a train?
I just can’t seem to get enough rest even though I sleep for at least 8 hours. I usually don’t wake up during the night, but I still feel exhausted in the morning. And it SUCKS. Because then I drink way too much coffee during the day because otherwise I can’t get any work done at all.

It has been a good week so far, despite everything. I learn something from the each mistake I make, hoping I won’t repeat it again.

Cheers!

Currently listening to: Always Summer by Yellowcard

Currently reading: Borut Golob: Smreka bukev lipa križ

Currently watching: Tina Maze kicking everyone’s ass in Schladming

Blog #1

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I decided to have a go with writing a blog. I’ll try to update it as often as possible and it will give you a better insight on my life and the things I enjoy doing. (:

I’ve just finished reading John Green’s Looking for Alaska today. It’s really, really good. I personally enjoyed the After part of the book more than Before. There is so much talk about the pain Pudge, the Colonel and everyone else are experiencing. It gives you the insight on how hard coping with the loss of someone dear is. Everyone who enjoys reading, give it a chance! I’m sure you won’t regret it.

I also set a goal to read at least fifty books this year. I started to write a sentence that I’m on the right path to reaching it but then I was like. Wait, that’s really a lot of books and I’ve only read five so far. Wish me best of luck, because I’ll need it.

Anyway. The whole winter thing has to go away as soon as possible. I love snow, don’t get me wrong. But we had way too much of it this year and going out every day in this cold is no fun at all. It would be so much better if there was no fog all the time. Snow + sun = the best combination you can get during winter months. It’s just such a shame it happens so rarely. :(

But we DID get this perfect weather a week (or maybe two?) ago.
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And it takes too much time to get ready in the morning. Putting on so many layers of clothes to make sure I don’t get cold during the day requires getting up at least five minutes earlier than in summer.

To sum up, this week had many ups and downs (and January in general to be honest), but it’s funny how we start to appreciate all the good things and all the right people we have by our side, when we finally get the courage to say goodbye to everything (and everyone) holding us down. Don’t be afraid to let go. No matter how hard it seems at the time. It hurts but it’s for the best and you’ll feel great afterwards. (:

What I’ll read next: Siddharta by Hermann Hesse
What I’m currently listening to: All Time Low’s latest album Don’t Panic.
What I’m watching: the new episode of The Vampire Diaries.

Flashbacks

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Hi there! I’m so, so sorry I haven’t posted in AGES. I’ve been working on a longer piece in Slovene. Here’s something I started recently. I could really use all the possible feedback on this one, because I can feel it can go on into something longer, I just need a little push to keep writing it. So please, feel free to send me some feedback! Thanks for reading!

FLASHBACKS

She’s always been the one to judge everyone. Sometimes even small things bothered her – details, that didn’t really matter to anyone else. But she found a flaw somewhere and threw it straight into a person’s face. She never cared about possible background stories for those silly little mistakes. All she knew was, that everyone makes a mistake that will be worth talking about.

Little did she know…

***

She woke up after a night of booze binging. Her head was throbbing and she wasn’t able to remember a thing about the previous night. ”Wow, looks like we, once again, had a blast.” She smiled and got up, like she does every Saturday to fill her body up with all the possible hangover remedies she can find. But something wasn’t the way it was supposed to be that morning. She wasn’t able to recognize the room she was in. ”What the fuck?!” Panic started to fill up her chest, her palms started to become sweaty and she wasn’t able to breathe properly. It was sunny outside, and the early summer heat just started to kick in to make her hangover even worse.

The room looked like an ordinary teenage room with lots of posters, a desk filled up with school papers and it was generally quite messy. But she couldn’t recall being there before. Her whole body was sore as if she had gotten into a fight or someone just beat the living hell out of her.

”Fuck. I need something to calm this fucking hangover down.”

She started to search the whole house to find some medication to soothe the awful pain she was in. She blocked out everything else and tried to focus on just finding something as soon as possible. ”The bathroom. Of course. What the hell is wrong with me? All normal people keep their medication stash in the bathroom.”

The intuition led her to the door she felt like she had opened before. Everything was odd and it made her feel insecure and scared.

”OH MY GOD! What is this?!” There he was, her best friend, laying on the floor, crying his eyes out. He was desperately hugging a man, who’s clearly been dead for several hours. ”Fuck. Jake why are you hugging a fucking dead man?”

”This ‘fucking dead man’, you’re referring to, appears to be my FUCKING BOYFRIEND which you BY THE WAY obviously killed last night after he refused to sleep with you!! Just in case you can’t FUCKING REMEMBER!” He wasn’t crying anymore. He was beyond hysterical now.

Anne felt all the blood leave her face. There was a man, whom she never met, laying in a puddle of blood and her best friend (who is obviously gay) has just accused her of murdering his boyfriend.

No, no, NO. I’ve had a rough night, that’s for sure. But I could’ve never killed a man! ”Jake, let’s just calm down and talk about this.”

”What? You want to talk? Tell me the story? I think I remember way more than you do. Max went to get a drink last night when you crashed his party with all those fine drinking buddies of yours who always become your best friends for wasted weekends. You approached him, getting straight to the point with claiming you just want to have sex with him. Of course you freaked out after he’d said no, like you always do when something doesn’t go your way! It seemed like a fucking demon had invaded your body and you weren’t yourself anymore. You started slamming him, using all the boxing knowledge you have. We had to kick you out because you never calmed down. You came back hours later, even more stoned, drunk and aggressive than before! I think we all know what happened afterwards!”

She couldn’t get her head around what she had just heard. It all seemed so impossible even though some flashbacks came running back to her as he was telling the story.

Dreams

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Dreams are a place which makes me forget. It makes me forget that none of this is true. A place where us still exist. There is no you and me.

It’s just us.

I’ve always thought memories help people live and go through a hard time. But then I realized they eat you alive, piece by piece, until you’re completely worn out and you start looking for a way to shut every memory out. Even good memories turn bad and there is nothing left you can lean onto.

I want to believe in love, happiness and trust again. But everyone always manages to prove me that there are no such things left.

I trusted you. We lived through all the lies together and became closer because of them. But happiness couldn’t last. Even for us.

The big bad world stayed but the bubble where everything stayed perfect was gone. ‘’You can’t get hurt if you don’t care.’’ That became my motto. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. Smiling, having fun but not trusting was easy and satisfying at the time. But when you meet new people, you get to know an entire new zone, where you change them and they change you. That was probably the biggest mistake I made. I let myself trust people who managed to break the little pieces I was trying to put back together again. I didn’t realize it until I saw you after all that time. It made me think of the perfect bubble again. I wanted it back, because it was the only place that felt safe at the time.

I started dreaming again. It was easier to imagine a perfect world than to work on making the horrible world a better place. But then I saw your eyes. They didn’t have that special spark anymore. It was all I needed to see that you gave up too. And that was when it hit me. We can’t both give up! There’s always a chance to make things better. And you should know that!

Who knows, maybe we find ourselves in our bubble again someday, just don’t give up yet!

 

He put the letter down. He felt tears go down his face.

The letter came in mail weeks ago. He could recognize that handwriting anywhere. Small and elegant.

The envelope scared him because he was afraid what he might find inside. That’s why he hesitated with opening it. She acted as it was nothing every time they’d see each other, as if she never sent it.

He wanted to know how was it possible that she knew how he felt. After all this time! She deserved better. He messed everything up once and it broke both of them. He’s not capable of fixing himself, so how on Earth can he help her put everything back together so they can have a shot at being happy again? They should stay as far away from each other as possible, think everything over, fix things that are fixable and then maybe give them a chance again.

It was a Friday evening and he promised some friends he’d go out with them since the exams were over and they had three whole months of vacation ahead of them. But after reading her letter, all happiness and enthusiasm left. He felt empty.

He had a strong feeling he’ll fun into her somewhere. She knows him too well, she’ll know that he read the letter. He had to talk to her even though he didn’t want to and he wasn’t strong enough to confront her alone.

But it had to be done.

He grabbed his phone and found her number. It still made him smile.

No. A call would be too personal. So he texted her instead.

Hi. Got your letter. Wanna talk?

He hesitated with pressing send. ‘’It’s now or never.’’ He said to himself and sent the text. He knew he’ll get a quick response because she was that kind of a person who always had their phone in reach.

Not sure. I’ve said it all already.

Please?

Fine. School playground in ten.

OK.

He quickly got ready and ran to the spot. He didn’t want her to wait for him.

But unfortunately, she was the one to wait for him, again. ‘’Oh, I’m waiting for you, again. Well that’s a surprise.’’

She was getting sarcastic. That couldn’t be good.

‘’I’m here early. And I’m pretty sure you were here already when you texted me.’’

‘’Yeah, that’s actually true. I’m sorry.’’ She pointed to the empty spot on the bench next to her. He sat down.

‘’There’s still something innocent about you. Something that reminds me of small kids. And that’s a good thing.’’

She smiled.

‘’Why did it take you so long to actually read the letter? I sent it ages ago.’’ She sure knew how to be blunt.

‘’I was scared I guess. I didn’t want to lose you forever.’’

‘’You lost me a long time ago, you know.’’

‘’What happened to the girl who gives everyone a second chance?’’

‘’She’s still here. You’ve just run out of second chances.’’

‘’I changed, you know. I mean, I’m still pretty messed up, but I’ve never forgotten about you in all this time. I’m still not ready to love anyone again. But when I am, I want you to be the person I fall in love with.’’

‘’Bullshit.’’

‘’Oh Kara, don’t be so stubborn. Just give me one last chance, and I give you one as well. It takes who to ruin a relationship. And I’m not the only messed up person here. We can get through this together.’’

She smiled. And the second he saw that exact smile, everything seemed nice again. Everything was worth it again.

‘’Want some ice cream, asshole?’’

He laughed and pulled her off the bench. ‘’Always.’’

There was hope again. Hope that happiness may exist outside their dreams as well.

 

Walls (Fireworks)

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She thinks of him every time she walks those familiar streets they used to walk together.

Everything was easy at the time. They were young, happy and ambitious about their futures. They like to think they were more mature than their friends, simply because they liked to talk about more complex and long-term things.

And then it blew up. Thinks had been cooking for a long time. And then everything blew into so many pieces it wasn’t fixable anymore. There was shouting, slamming doors but not a single tear. They both knew it was coming but it was a lot to take in at the moment.

”But we can keep being friends! I’ve seen people do it.”

Now she almost burst into a hysterical cry but she somehow managed to keep it together. ”Oh really? You’d like to stay friends? Well guess what, it’s not fucking happening!” And with that, she left. He stayed in his room for a while, not being able to move.

She was gone. Forever. And he fucked everything up. He should’ve thought about stuff he put her through earlier. And of course, they can’t be friends. He wouldn’t be able to forget all those perfect moment he’s never going to be able to experience again.

Thinking about those moments still hurts, seeing him every day is even harder. They never look into each other’s eyes, they don’t even think about saying hello. He wonders what’s going on in her head because she never looks at him, even if she accidentally catches him staring at her.

Politely staring, of course.

She likes to be alone now. The breakup changed her. She used to be a talkative, smiling and a cheerful girl everyone liked to hang out with. Now she has a small circle of friends she hangs out with from time to time, but they actually don’t know anything about her. They just don’t realise it because she became so good at faking happiness, nobody notices how broken she actually is. She doesn’t miss him, but she’s scared to open up to people, because she was hurt very badly all those years back.

Today is one of those days she likes to spend alone in the park. Perfect sunny weather that makes everyone happy is a perfect opportunity to get away from life that’s drifting by and she’s not even living it. Summer is still her favourite part of the year; nothing will ever be able to change that. The park was deserted as usually when she arrived. People don’t really understand the beauty of nature nowadays. She sat on a bench, took a book out of her bag and tried not to think about the amount of work she had to do for university. And then he came. He didn’t look at her. He just sat on the bench like she wasn’t there.

Well yeah, it was awkward, scary and heartbreaking.

‘’Why are you here?’’ She was the one to talk.

‘’I always come here.’’

‘’Then why haven’t I seen you yet? I’ve been coming here for years.’’

‘’You didn’t see me because I didn’t want to be seen. I see you every single time you come here but I never want to interrupt you. This is the only time I see you happy. If we run into each other somewhere else, you wear a smile that is nothing like you. You shouldn’t fake it, you know. And that’s why I always wait till you leave and then I enjoy my peaceful time here. This park is beautiful.’’

She didn’t know what to say.

She was looking across the road at a tall historical building. ‘’You never smile.’’

She still didn’t look at him and she figured he was looking somewhere else as well, because he shifted on the bench and remained silent.

‘’We fucked up all those years ago, you know.’’ Now she looked at him, and he was looking deeply into her eyes.

‘’We really did. I wish I could take so many things I did back.’’

‘’Well you can’t, and I can’t either. I just want to know why you never said hi in all those years.’’

‘’It was too hard; I kept looking back to those days. Everything still seems so perfect, I don’t want to ruin those memories with a fight.’’

‘’Me too. Me too.’’

They both got up and walked into different directions. This was the final goodbye they both waited for.

‘’Hey Laura…’’

She turned around. ‘’Yes?’’

‘’Maybe I’ll finally be able to break all those walls and mine fields I’ve built to protect myself.’’

She smiled and left.

Circles

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It was an early Monday morning. I’ve been looking at her ever since she came into the classroom. She looked different lately. Tired.

She’s always been the one who kept everyone up. The one who kept telling us everything would be just fine. That we’ll manage to get through. But now she kept to herself for most of the time and I barely ever heard her talk.

I think everyone knows there’s something wrong but we’re too afraid to say anything, to face the reality because if she’s the one who lost all hope then we’ll start sinking as well because we’ll have nobody to keep us up.

She always smiled when you’d ask her something and then answer. She believed smiling is an universal way of saying thank you or I love you.

”Hey Simon, do you have any idea what’s up with Danielle?” his smile faded. Of course he knew something was up, but he’s been to afraid to bring it up just like we all were. Someone has to talk to her though. If we don’t do anything, things will get worse. And then we won’t be able to help anymore.

I managed to get enough courage to walk to her desk. ”How are you doing Danielle?” Stupid question, I know but I couldn’t come up with anything better.

”Fine.”

”No, I’m serious. How are you doing? You don’t look happy lately.”

”We just all walk around in circles.”

And she left.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

”Hey, wait up!” but she didn’t come back. Not when the bell rang, not till the end of the lesson, not by the end of the day. I shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe she just needs time to deal with her problems. We should stay out of it.

”Hey Dan, what did Danielle say when you talked to her earlier today?” people kept asking me that for the rest of the day. And some of them tried talking to her in the past weeks as well. They all got that same answer.

I saw it on the news the next day. ”A 17 year old girl, found on the stadium. Had a mental and physical breakdown.”

We should’ve done something.

I love you (Part one)

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He looked beautiful again.

She was standing in the corner of the classroom watching him. He was surrounded by a group of friends, laughing and enjoying every single second of his perfect life.

Girls were sitting in their popular circle laughing at everyone who walked by. She never liked them. They thought life was perfect. That they could have everything and everyone. They think they’re popular! Oh, they aren’t even close to that!

She looked at Tom again. And he was looking at her with a small sparkle in his eyes and a shy smile that showed his perfect teeth. She wanted to smile back but she didn’t. He would’ve never looked at her the way she wanted him to. He’s just being polite to everyone. That’s why he keeps smiling and makes her fall in love with him more and more every day.

The bell rang and the teacher came into the classroom a few minutes later. Tanya sits alone in the front row in all classes. She has no friends because everyone thinks she’s weird. She has her own style and people don’t like that. She doesn’t care. She likes her life the way it is.

The class was even more boring than usually. Mrs Webber kept talking about world war two, even though she knew nobody was actually listening to her. People were doing their homework for the next class, reading or simply looking out the window. Something was different today. The class lasted for about fifteen minutes when the teacher freaked out. She yelled and threatened that she’s going to fail them all. They knew none of the shit she was talking is true so they kept doing nothing.

She was grateful when the school day finally ended. She left her books in the locker and walked out of the school gate. Her thoughts were on the lunch she’ll be preparing when she gets home. But she was interrupted by Tom, who accidentally bumped into her.

”I’m so, so sorry!” he apologised. ”Oh, Tanya it’s you. I’m really sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Tanya smiled. ”It’s okay.” The feeling that he actually knew her name gave her butterflies.

”You going home?” Tom asked. ”Yes, of course. Do I look like I want to spend additional time in school or in the library?”

He laughed. ”No, of course not. Can I walk you home?”

She couldn’t believe this was happening. The most beautiful guy in the whole school wants to walk her home. Is she dreaming?

They continued the route home. She lived about twenty minutes away from school and for the first time ever, she wished she lived even further away.

She was walking home with her dream guy and she started to get the feeling that he actually likes her.

Life

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She wakes up and looks through the window. It’s still dark outside, everyone is enjoying their last hours of a good night rest. But she has been woken up by a horrible sickness again. A reminder of life she used to live. The life which made her forget about her body.

Not a day goes by without wishing for another chance. She would take care of herself, drink and smoke less, do self breast exams regularly. It would’ve saved her life. Her days without worrying had ended when she sensed something’s not right with her left breast.

Her life had broken into two pieces after three weeks of waiting for that important letter with her faith written in it. She didn’t want to party anymore. Or drink and smoke. She only wanted to see the word curable in that letter. But there wasn’t anything optimistic written there.

Cancer, not curable.

It hit her in that moment.

”I’ll be dead in a few months.” she said to herself.

She knew she has to live every single day like it’s her last. Because she could be gone anytime. But she didn’t find the strength to live fully when her body was still capable of that. She spent her last days alone, inside even though she could still go out and enjoy the beauties of nature. She didn’t find the strength to tell her friends what’s going on. She knew they would make everything easier with their smiles and a sparkle of life in their eyes. But she couldn’t do it. Because they kept telling her that she should live healthier and take care of herself. She didn’t listen.

But now she wishes she did. She wishes she never lighted that first cigarette or drank all those alcoholic drinks which didn’t make her feel better even for a moment. Because then, maybe she wouldn’t have to go through all this.

She wouldn’t have to die alone.

 

So this was written in Slovene for some kind of a contest in the first place but I decided to do my best and translate it.

And this is dedicated to Rob. Thank you for everything.

Pain

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It’s been unbareable.

I know what it feels to have a broken arm. But I’ve never felt what it feels like to be broken inside.

Everyone around me is so happy, happy to be alive. Happy to have something to live for.

I used to be such a happy person, living for the moment and not caring what everyone else thinks.

I lived for my own life. So now I keep asking myself what happened to my life if I have nothing left to live for?

I’d rather have a broken arm than this feeling that’s been eating me alive for such a long time.

Life sucks if you have nothing worth living for.

Untitled

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This is completely fictional and has nothing to do with my life.

When I look back to the years of happiness and optimism, I always remember you. You are the memory of something I never wanted. The definition of rejection. You were never more than a friend to me and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like we’re something more. We never were. You’re amazing, funny, kind and everything. But I’ll never be able to look at you and think: ‘’Oh, you’re the perfect guy for me.’’ Because you’re not. You’ll be perfect for someone else and she’ll love you the way you’ll love her. I’ve told you this before. I’m sorry you understood me like I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. I missed you. Every single day for the past three years. Because you’re such an optimistic guy and I need more people like you in my life.

Why did you come back after all this time? I still feel the same way about you.

I wish you felt the same too.

High school photographs

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She’s never been popular in high school. She likes being the quiet one with only a few best friends.

People in her high school probably don’t know she exists because she never talks to anyone unless she really has to. She’s just an ordinary teenager with big dreams and no motivation to make them come true.

She likes spending her free lessons in the school cafeteria. People who come and go are her source of inspiration for photography. She has the ability to transfer human emotions into photographs of nature.

People are extremely hard to understand. Nature hugs you with its kindness all the time and all what people do is bitch about you behind your back.

Her thoughts are interrupted by sharp loud laugh coming from the hall. She knows exactly who’ll be entering the lunch room any second. The sound of that laugh makes her sick every single time she hears it. Those three girls laugh all the time for no reason at all just to get attention from everyone in the room. They think they’re pretty with their over powdered faces and Halloween makeup. But when they’re seen without their makeup they are hardly recognisable and simply ugly. Makeup makes them look ‘attractive’ to dumb boys and even uglier to everyone else.

She tries to catch what Tanya, Sally and Lisa are talking about today. She can only hear a few words but it looks like they’re discussing their usual topic. Boys. Lisa is trying to seduce a guy she’s training with but it’s not going too well. So the other two are filling her with advices.

She could swear she heard the word sex. It didn’t surprise her. Having sex when you’re fifteen is something normal for a girl like Lisa.

She tries to focus on another table now. She can hear those girls more clearly because they aren’t even trying to talk quietly. Like most girls in their year, Melinda, Belle and Anne are talking about Sally and her gang. “I just wish I could have so many guys fighting over me like they do.˝ Melinda said desperately. Nobody is able to understand Melinda. She’s always trying to look like an angel in front of teachers but she’s always being bitchy to everyone else. She wanted to beat up a girl just because she said: “Melinda, you’re just a mean bitch trying to be in the centre of attention all the time!˝ Melinda freaked out and wanted to break that poor girl’s face. But her friends stopped her with the words: “You’re so much better than her. She’s not worth it.˝ Sally and Belle should let Melinda go years ago. They’re being so nice to her even though she’s a bitch towards them all the time.

A girl walking like a penguin joined the boys’ table in the back of the cafeteria. Julie is known as the school bully. Nobody’s actually afraid of her but nobody wants to mess with her either.  She hangs out with boys only because she thinks girls aren’t good enough to be her friends. To be honest, nobody wants to be friends with her because she’s physically bullying everyone.

Samantha feels like she has enough inspiration for today and goes straight to her usual spot still disgusted with everything going on in her school. She’s always happy to be in nature with her camera and little creatures living their quiet lives in the dark brown leaves on the ground of the woods.

She was watching the yellow and red leaves falling off the trees when a boy from her school calmly interrupted her and sat down besides her. “What are you doing today beautiful?˝ he asked after laying down on his jacket and making himself comfortable. “And who are you again?˝ asked Samantha with a confused look on her face.

“I’m David. I’ve seen you staring at people in the school lunch room sometimes. And then I’ve randomly discovered you here while walking around the woods. You’re Samantha right?˝ she was getting annoyed with him and his cocky voice. But then she noticed a camera in his right hand and he seemed nicer straight away.

“Do you take photos?˝

He smiled and answered: “Yeah, at least I’m trying to.˝

After a long talk it seemed like they have a lot in common and they just clicked. He is the first nice guy she met in a while.

I miss you

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I miss your warm smile and your big brown eyes full of excitement every time they spotted me coming off a train. I miss your laugh and your jokes which weren’t funny at all. And I miss you.

Dear diary,

I met him about a year ago. In a summer camp where we were both volunteering. And I’ve always had a thing for guys who love kids. He was so shy when I met him. I asked questions and he answered only with yes or no. Sometimes not even with that. He’d just nod his head and avoid eye contact. I almost gave up on him after a few days. It felt like he didn’t want me in his life. So I just took care of kids. Did my job at the camp. But I missed him even though I’ve known him only for a week.

I noticed the way he was looking at me sometimes when he thought I was too busy doing something else. He thought I wouldn’t notice anything. Those moments made me realise he cares but he’s too shy to show it.

I was broken inside. I convinced myself I’m not capable of love anymore. But everything felt right with him. We spent the last week of the summer camp having fun with little kids and talking to each other. But we talked about random stuff only. We were both too afraid to reveal our secrets. The camp ended with us knowing nothing about each other.

Our small talks continued online. We met in the city he lives in a few weeks after the camp with a few other friends. And Rob was so different. He laughed a lot. And he talked so much he barely ever shut up. I loved him like that and it made me feel happy because I was sure I had something to do with his sudden happiness. He changed me too. My friends noticed I started to smile a lot. I never told them anything about Rob.

The next time we spent a day together was when he and his friend Lee came to visit the small town I live in. Every time Rob wasn’t listening, Lee would whisper to me: “Debbie, he really likes you!˝ It did feel nice and cute that he was making plans with me. He was thinking of places we should visit together. But I didn’t believe Lee. How could someone like Rob like me, he deserves someone better.

The summer was perfect. I wished it could last forever. Because hanging out with him became such a wonderful thing. He was the best thing that happened to me that summer.

September arrived too quickly for us. I was starting to go to a new school that fall, he was in his fourth year of high school. We never found the time to talk anymore. I felt empty. Nothing seemed to matter as much as it did with him around. I was studying three hours a day so I could pass my exams. I don’t know what he was doing. We never talked. Maybe he missed me, maybe he didn’t.

We saw each other in person only once in ten months. He didn’t look so happy anymore. He looked like a piece of him was missing. But I wasn’t able to deal with all that. It was too much. When April arrived I felt like I was going to blow up because of all the pressure and stress. So I cut everyone out for three months and tried to focus on studying so I could pass my exams. Which I did. But I was so exhausted after everything I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed a break. So I didn’t talk to anyone for another month. My body had to get back its strength.

I miss him so much. School is about to end and I don’t know what this next summer means for us. I didn’t know what to do when he sent me this text:

I miss our talks. I miss the person who I was with you.

I realised he’s the missing piece my life needs. But he’ll never know that. He’s too good for me.

I miss you so much. But you deserve better.

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